Day 76 ~19 and Pregnant

Over vacation week we spent one day reconnecting with two girls I hold near and dear to my heart.  They were pivotal people in my life after having Ty.
I was just 19 years old when I got pregnant with Ty, and turned 20 six days before I had him.  I may not have been "16 and Pregnant", but I think the reason I am compelled to watch that show, is it brings up so many of the same emotions I went through while pregnant and when I first had Ty.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was pretty far along.  I was exactly half way through to be exact.  I found out I was pregnant on January 2nd, and for three days read up on things, and talked things through with my mom, and Ty's dad, and actually had decided that because his father and I were no longer together (his dad was in California at the time) that I would have an abortion.  My mom encouraged me to get an ultrasound before having the abortion to find out how far along I was, and I agreed, and picked a gestational age that I would be okay following through with the abortion.  My mom and aunt accompanied me to the ultrasound office, and they turned the sounds off and faced the monitor away so we couldn't see anything.
I should tell you that I was very skinny.  I think it would seem somewhat more realistic for me to not know I was pregnant if say, I was heavier, and had a belly, but I was wearing a size 2, jeans zipped up completely fine the day of my ultrasound.  I do not remember anything other than the technician saying "You're 20 weeks!" and me asking what it was (because that was so far past my acceptable time frame) and her asking if I really wanted to know.I said yes, she said it's a boy, turned the monitor around so we could see him, and there was Ty, sucking his thumb, moving around, and right there in that moment, my life changed forever.  I could see the path in in front of me split, from where I was, and where I now would go.
Within a day or two my stomach started to pop out, and it seemed like I went from normal 19 year old to teen mom over night.
A few months prior to having Ty I got in touch with an agency called Healthy Families.  It was this fantastic program for very young moms.  I had a worker come to my house once a week (Freddie) and her and I would talk, she would help me with things like insurance and child support.  And once Ty was born, she did regular developmental checks to make sure he was doing great, and was on track.  Freddie became my biggest advocate, and was someone I relied on heavily.
I will be completely honest here, there was a time after I had Ty, when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, where I even considered adoption because I felt like I would never be able to provide for Ty the way I should.  I wanted to still be young.  I wanted to still be selfish about my choices.  Through it all Freddie supported me, and talked to me about options and never judged me.
One of the hardest aspects of being a very young mom, is that your friends, as hard as they may try, will just never understand what you are going through.  I can not tell you how alone I felt, and how much is hurt to hear my friends tell me about their nights out, or how mad and frustrated I would be when they would call me ten minutes before leaving for the movies to see if I wanted to come.  Gone were my days of impromptu movies and late nights.  And after a while, they stopped asking altogether, which brought on a whole new batch of emotions, feelings of being left out in all of their forms were so overwhelming.  I think these things contributed to postpartum depression, and feeling like I just couldn't do it.
I must say, I am lucky, I did have family support, and even though my friends didn't understand what I was going through, they never intentionally hurt my feelings, and I am still friends with them now, though we are much closer now than we were then.  They just did not have the responsibility that I did at the time, and thinking of it now, I may have been the one to pull back from them because quite honestly it just hurt so much to see everything my life was not, and never would be again, through them.  It was no longer easy, it was no longer about me, it was no longer full of any possibility, it was no longer free.  I held a lot of resentment toward Ty's father, and our relationship was strained because of this.
All of these things I talked in depth to Freddie about.  She understood, and she suggested I go to "group".  There was a picnic coming up, and it was informal, and she said there would be lots of girls just like me.
I was so hesitant because in my head I pictured bad news girls, who were nothing like me.  I was convinced I was nothing like these other girls.  If you had to guess one of the girls to get pregnant young, I would not have been one of them.  I was in honors classes, I was heavily involved in church, I was a perfectionist, I had a bright and promising future ahead of me.  I never thought that it would be me.
Oh boy was I wrong about the other girls in group.  I was exactly like a lot of the girls.  We were smart, normal, good girls, that had babies really young.  I immediately felt a surge of normalcy, a feeling of belonging and that I was not alone.  I can not stress how much this meant to me, and how vital that feeling is.  To not be alone, and to have other people to talk to, who know exactly what you are going through is so important, especially as a teen mom or young mom.
I started going to group every week.  The babies would be in one room and the moms had a full hour to talk about what they were going through, and we could just vent, or cry, or laugh, and ultimately bond together and feel normal.
I connected with so many of these girls, but two of them became more than friends.  Those two girls became members in the story of my life, my angels through one of the hardest parts of my journey.  We went everywhere together with our babies.  There were late nights spent at each others houses, sitting, talking, nursing babies, while my other friends were out at a party, or at college, or on a date, or traveling.  These girls made me feel like it was okay to be a mom and still want to be young.  The helped me find normalcy in a new, overwhelming world, and they made me love this new direction my life took, even though it was hard.  Because of these things, these girls will always be a part of my life.    Without them, I am not sure how I would have fared.  I would have felt alone, and outcast, insecure and lonely.
Today, although we started out with three babies between the three of us, we now have 10 between us.
When we were together we talked a lot about the differences in raising out first babies, as such young moms, and how we were with our other children.  I think one of the similarities we all discussed was never going through that "new mom" stage, the one where you are a complete germ freak and think everything and everyone will break your new baby.  That is not to say we were careless with our first borns by any means.  I think our parenting styles were more go with the flow.  We grew up along side our babies, because we were still so close to babies ourselves.
It has been ten years since we first met, since those girls changed my life, and when we were together the kids were saying "see you in ten more years!"
It was shocking to think that at that point they would be the exact age we were when we met.  They would be twenty.  They would be starting out their lives.
Thank you Shestin and Catie.  I hope you both know how much you helped me during that time.  I hope the next ten years does not go by as quickly, and that they are filled with so many more reunions.

Welcome to the World Keira

Here are some of the pics from the hospital to coming home. If I look extra puffy it is because I swelled beyond belief from all the fluids I was pumped with. My feet were unrecognizable.

Keira's Birth Story

Hello everyone! I am taking a quick moment of quiet to write Keira's birth story. As you all know, I went in the hospital Thursday, April 9th for a scheduled induction. When I arrived and was registered and checked, I was already 2 plus centimeters dilated (I'm glad those contractions I had been having did something!) They started me on pitocin at 945am. I was checked again two hours later and was 4 plus centimeters and 70% effaced. Things were going well. I felt great. The contractions I had were not super strong... they were very manageable. They decided to go ahead at that time and break my water (this is now about 2 hours 45 min-3 hours into everything). I actually was completely fine with this, and besides the lovely feeling of peeing my pants (I wasn't really, but the fluid is just really warm, and you can't control it) every time Keira moved her head or I had a contraction. The contractions definitely picked up, and were about every 3 minutes or so. Again, I felt great, although I was beginning to feel a bit shaky. They started checking me every hour, and it seemed I was progressing a little over a centimeter an hour, but was remaining at a -2 to -1 station and staying at only 70% effaced. The shakiness I was feeling earlier had progressed to what I can only describe as at times full on involuntary convulsions. They said this was normal and was called the labor shakes. I have never heard of it before, so was a bit freaked out by the whole thing. I was on the birth ball the entire time, and chose to lean over and hug pillows, and again, despite the contraction picking up to 1-2 minutes apart, I knew they had reached their peak, as they weren't getting worse anymore, but just closer together. My doctor came in and checked me and when I was the same, (very disappointing news for me) she told me that she could feel a bulge of membranes and was going to break my water again. OK, I will be honest here. My contractions were every minute and a half or so and being on my back to get my water broken, or even examined was torture, but because the baby's head was still around -2, almost -1, she had to reach much further back and the combination of breaking my water, having to be much more invasive and having contractions during the whole thing (oh and shaking like I had been standing in a freezer for 10 hours) was just too much. I admit it, I cried at that point. But, despite my momentary break down, I was determined to carry on and push through it. The nurses and my doctor believed this bulge was what was keeping me from progressing, so they felt confidant I should progress really quickly from there. An hour later, I had also started feeling incredibly nauseous. Every contraction (although the contractions themselves momentarily stopped my shaking, and in that sense were a relief) was a fight to not puke, although at one point I said I wish I would just throw up and get it over with. Two hours later and NOTHING. I was 7 plus centimeters, at a -1 station, and had progressed to 90% effaced. Since She had come down a bit more, and I was almost 100% effaced, my doctor could now tell why I was not progressing. The baby's head was facing the wrong way, or was presenting OT. She was face up, not face down and chin tucked to her chest like she should have been. They said this is definitely why it was taking so long, and although I didn't have much more to go, it could take a lot longer if she didn't turn, and I could be pushing a lot longer for the same reason. They did say since she was still at a -1 station she had a chance of still turning. I elected to wait it out one more hour and see if I made progress. If I did, great, I'd continue naturally, if not, I would have an epidural. An hour later, more nausea, more convulsing (those bothered me more than the contractions) and a big fat nothing had changed. I said, fine let's do the epidural. They gave me spinal medicine first, and that lasts about an hour and a half, and then I can turn up the epidural from there. Once again, even that couldn't be easy for me... they numbed me, and inserted the needle saying "This shouldn't hurt at all" but alas, one side was not numbed and I felt it, while having a contraction at the same time. Horrible. So they had to numb me again, and try all over again. The spinal medicine was great because I could feel and move my legs completely and I could still feel the contractions and the pressure from them, just not the cramping pain. They had me switch from side to side to try and get the baby to turn, and an hour later, still no change. A half hour after that check, the spinal definitely had worn off and I was feeling the contractions again, almost as strongly as before I got any medicine. I was okay with this though, and because I didn't really want an epidural to begin with, didn't press the button to make it any stronger. Well within five more minutes, I felt like I had to go to the bathroom... now I know this can also be a sign that it's time to push, but I have felt that feeling before and this was different. I was hoping they would let me up and just try and go to the bathroom on my own, and I told Nathan he could DEFINITELY leave the room for this part, because well, I would if the roles were reversed! I called my nurse and told her, meanwhile I was getting a terrible cramp in my left side. It felt like a running cramp times a million. My nurse checked me and said, nope you're having a baby now! My mom called Nathan who had just gotten in the elevator. Literally within seconds my doctor and another nurse were in the room and getting everything ready. Apparantly she was within an inch of crowning, which explains all the pressure I was feeling and she was also (yay!) turning at the same time as she came down. She crowned during my first push, and after that her head came out pretty quickly. Her shoulders were actually harder for me to deliver than her head, but in a push, they were out as well. All in all 5 minutes after I felt that pressure, she was here. Keira was born at 9:41 pm. Fun Fact, Tyler was born at 8:41 am, Nate was born at 1:39 pm, and Brody was born at 6:40 am. At least she was consistant in the minutes with the rest of the kids! Keira was 8lbs even and 21 inches long. I am really glad I had medicine for that hour and a half. It gave me relief for a little while, so I had the energy to push. (Not to seem like I pushed with no problems and like it was a piece of cake, it hurt a LOT, but it was worth it!) Keira's apgars were 8 and 9 after birth, and she nursed for the entire two hours I was in the room recovering with her! She has dirty blonde hair, but lots of it (good girl, she listened to me about the hair thing.) She has such long girly fingers, and despite what she looks like in pictures, is teeny tiny. She also has the world's smallest ears. They are pinned tight to her head, which is such a change from the boys. It is definitely a HUGE adjustment having her. She has her days and nights mixed up a bit, but we're working on that. They had given me pain medicine for the cramping from nursing, but I had a really bad reaction to it on Saturday night so I am hoping I can have something not as strong. This is the 3rd day I have added to writing this, and thankfully am finishing it now. Thank you all for your messages!!! I promise I will get back to you all. I thought it would be much easier to write this out first, so I wasn't re-telling it a bunch of times. As for now, it is MOnday morning, and I made it through getting Ty off to school, and now have to take Keira and Brody to the doctor. My mom is meeting me there to help out. I promise I will upload pictures as soon as I get the chance!

My Last Post Pre-Keira

I am currently procrastinating doing the laundry and dishes and basic cleaning. I have gone to storytime, been doing homework with Ty, and went to pick up my belly bandit (preggo women I will let you know the results!) and am now home for the night... well minus a quick trip to buy some more diapers, unless Nathan will so graciously agree to get them for me on the way home.
I wish I could say that today has been fun filled and relaxing, but alas it has not. The kids have been cranky and uncooperative, which has put me in a perpetual ball of stress. Besides my many worries about how Brody will handle the next two days, I am actually looking forward to a semi-break in the hospital. I have been having contractions again and am willing them to stop with all my might. A wrench in my well crafted and precise plan will not be welcome. Thankfully Nathan's mom made me aware of an early Red Sox game tomorrow so the plan as of now is once I call the hospital and get the green light to head in, my mom will be coming over (say 615ish?) and will be here for the kids, see Ty off to school, wait for Brody and Nate to wake up, feed them, get them dressed, etc and take them over to her house. When Nathan's mom is done with her appointment in the morning, she will pick up the boys from my mom and will take them to her house. My mom will then head into the hospital. This way, if I go quickly and things progress fast, I will not be there with Nathan stuck in traffic, etc. This ensures he is with me, that the kids don't have to wake up extra early and that I don't have to worry about who is with who and when and where. If I have her early, then Nathan's mom and dad will get Ty and bring him into the hospital with the boys and when the boys are done with their visit, Nathan can take them home and they can all relax for the night. If I haven't had her early, same scenario, it just will happen later.
How am I feeling? Why thank you so much for asking! I am nervous as hell! I am emotional about leaving Brody. Okay, scratch that, I am SUPER emotional and anxious about leaving Brody. I know he will ultimately be fine, and it is a blink of an eye in his life span, but I can not help feeling like I am doing some sort of emotional damage and scarring him for life. Brody is still my baby. I have said it many times, I am NOT ready to part with that attachment yet. Every time I look at him today I feel like I get choked up. I have gone through this three times and I still can't picture it this time around. I know it's happening, I know there will be a baby here, but I just can not get my brain to but that into a reality. I am not really scared of the labor or delivery. In fact, I love that part because it is so unique and such a (cheese alert) miraculous event and it is so special and personal for each child. I (again I am repeating things I have said before) believe that each birth story says more about that child than you can ever realize at the time.
And as for my baby Keira... my little girl who I never in a million years thought I would have, to you I have to say I am still in fascination of your existence. I am going to ask your forgiveness now if I treat you like a doll and dress you up. Please understand for eight years I have not been able to do that for a girl and have only enviously glanced at "that" section of the clothing stores. Also, I apologize now it you do not like having your hair (please have SOME) played with, because if you don't, you have been cursed before birth with a mother who loves to experiment with hair. I love you so much already and despite you coming as quite a surprise, you are a beautiful, welcome surprise who will only increase the love in this family. You were always meant to be, and I believe that with all of my heart. I may not have always known that, but I believe it. You will have so many men, your father and brothers, who will always be around to protect and look after you, which I'm sure at times you may not appreciate, but I hope you know how lucky that makes you. You in turn will be able to teach your brothers so much about girls and add that soft edge that I'm sure they will need. Oh, and THANK YOU for being here so I am not the only female in this house. I look forward to being able to have someone to watch Disney Princess movies with. Your brothers have not enjoyed them when I have forced them to watch them with me in the past. I hope you know, even though I'm sure your father will be beyond over protective of you (he wanted your middle name to be Baby, so he had a reason to always call you his baby... your welcome for putting my foot down on that) that he is more excited than he can express about having a daughter. Even though I vetoed the middle name, you will truly always be his baby. Don't take advantage of that too much. I'm sure you will learn quickly to wrap him around your little finger, and I am also sure he will gladly let you do this. When we have dreamed of your arrival and your life with us, he has talked about how he looks forwards to taking you out on special dates. I love your father more for already developing a soft spot because of you. I can not wait to meet you! I can not wait to hold you, and see what you look like and who you look like. Nate says you will have his color hair, and his eyes. He also is hoping you are "special" like him and will have two different color eyes. Here it is, about 14 hours before I go into the hospital. If I can put a special request in, be easy on me. Please enjoy your last night in my body, but please be ready to check out in the morning. I am sending you good thoughts of a fast trip down the birth canal, so you hopefully won't have a conehead.. maybe Brody left some instructions somewhere in there about that, because despite how big he was, his head was perfectly round. It was pretty astonishing. Regardless, even if you decide to torture me and put my body through hell, I love you, and could not be happier.
I am "signing off" for now. Thank you for all your well wishes.

4/8 Update

I didn't sleep much last night. This isn't to say I didn't try though. I went to Target after the kids were in bed last night and picked up their gifts that I am bringing to the hospital. They are their "big brother" gifts so to say. Nathan was really tired last night, and I was really awake for a strange role reversal, so he went to bed and I got a few more things ready and cleaned up. I finally took some Tylenol with Codine to help me sleep and ease the throbbing pain in my back, and went to the bathroom, and low and behold, I lost my mucus plug... definitely the real thing. I will be honest, it was the "bloody show" as it is so nicely referred to. Although you will hear many different things about what that means in regards to labor, it does happen when the cervix is thinned out and you are dilated or dilating. You can lose it all at once, or in parts. As I said before, I know I lost a part Saturday morning, but this was the majority of it, the part that again, is tinged with blood, which is the part mainly there to protect the cervix and prevent infection, etc. In my personal case, I do not lose my mucus plug, the bloody part that is, until I am either in labor, or it is very, VERY close. I was having regular contractions with Nate when I lost my mucus plug, and my water broke within an hour afterwards. I lost it with Ty exactly two days before my water broke and I had to head in to be induced. I went to bed paranoid that I was going to wake up in active labor or with my water broken. I just want to make it through today, and really enjoy this last day with my boys. I have been having some pretty intense contractions, but I don't think they are too regular, and they aren't close enough that I want to time them (maybe 15-20 minutes or so, some shorter) I can only hope that all of this will just aid in a quick delivery tomorrow.
Honestly? I've definitely gotten cold feet about tomorrow and the fact that it is somewhat finally hitting me that I am going to deliver a baby. Here's hoping my nerves don't get the best of me and I am able to get some rest tonight.
My friend told me about a newborn website that is through the hospital that I will be able to update when she is born, and if I have your email address, you will receive the website with her picture and birth info tomorrow or Friday. We'll send out the picture message to those we are close to also right after her birth as long as all goes well.

My Due Date is Here

April 7, 2009... D-Day is here, but no Keira. Fashionably late. I got the call from my doctor. I will be admitted to the hospital at 7am on Thursday (unless of course there are a million other women who happen to go into labor that night, etc.) so I will call the hospital at 550am, and if they give me the green light, we'll go as planned.
I am planning on having a special dinner with the boys on Wednesday night, and we'll take them all in to the hospital Thursday morning. I am having Nathan (and kids) drop me off so he can hang out with them as long as possible (Ty will be going to school of course) and will have him head in once I am contracting regularly.
This whole thing is still not real to me... as big as my belly is and as ready as I am to not be pregnant, I don't think I will actually believe I am having another baby until she is here and I can see her and hold her. Maybe it is the girl factor too that makes it so unreal. I will be in mourning the next two days for my freedom as I know it right now. I am taking full advantage of that. To any non-pregnant, or currently pregnant women, whether it be your first, second, third, etc, I hope you realize that your life as you know it will never be the same again. You may think (this is more for the first timers) you will be able to do pretty much everything you do now, just with a cute adorable baby too, but trust me when I say, even the simplest things that you undoubtedly take advantage of now will never be the same again. Sorry to burst the bubble on that. There are no more quick runs here, or oh I need to stop in to this store and grab whatever. You now have to plan, carry, prepare for EVERYTHING. Obviously this is all worth it, but as one mom to another, think of it as a heads up. I am well aware of my freedom, and how with every baby I lose more and more and in return unselfishly give another part of myself to another human being instead. It does not mean it isn't hard, and there aren't days that I just want to sleep in, or go to the bathroom without the door being pushed open, or take a shower on my time, as long as I want, again without interruption. Please do not read this as a poor-me, my life stinks rant. Instead read it as friendly advice from someone who chose to embark on motherhood, and knows everything it entails.
Also, learn to let go. Be willing to accept that you will never achieve what you think in your head is perfection as a mom. You may be able to do it all, but that doesn't mean you're happy!!! Let stuff go. Enjoy the chaos. If need be, lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes (after making sure there are no dangerous things your kids can kill themselves or the others with) and cry, scream, or just breathe. Play music to block out crying that can't be stopped, whining that won't quit, or siblings fighting that you just don't want to listen to.
My most important advice I could ever give is to covet your friendships and relationships. Your non-parent friendships are great, and you should never lose those, but man-oh-man, the bonds you will make with other moms are priceless. You need someone who actually has been through it (because sorry, think what you want, unless you have PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY been through it with your own child, you just do not fully understand) to make you feel normal. Someone you can share your experiences with, and a person who will in return say, "I just went through that yesterday" to make you feel normal. That is what you need, and want. You don't want to talk to someone who pretends to be perfect and like they have it all together. It just makes you feel dumb and like you're doing something wrong. Be honest. Get out and spend time with those moms that you bond with. Don't hole yourself up in the house.
On that note, I signed Nathan and I up for the gym today. I won't start going for a week or two after I have the baby (yes I'll be taking it easy.. just some cardio and light weights) and am very excited about this. I won;t be able to go until after I put the boys to bed, and Nathan can have some special time with the baby. He'll be going after work. I also am headed to a store tomorrow to pick up my belly bandit. I believe I have mentioned this previously, but after research and discussion have decided to wrap my belly after delivery, and it will remain wrapped for about 8-12 weeks. Tonight I am picking up the boys gifts for the hospital, and am making sure everything is ready and set to go so I can just enjoy the day tomorrow.

4/6 Update

I had my appointments today. Keira is weighing in at an estimated 8 1/2-9lbs. I am 2 centimeters dilated, still 60% effaced, and at a -2 station. Because I am that far along and because of the injury to my back, my doctor has strongly advised me to be induced Thursday. I asked her a million questions and after her million assured answers, have decided to go ahead and be induced. She does not think I will have to have pitocin for long, just long enough to get my contractions going regularly, and then they will take me off it and let me progress on my own. I have been having contractions every 8 minutes or so for a little while now, and am trying to not think too much about them at the moment because I am so tired of being disappointed about being tricked by braxton hicks contractions. I will find out tomorrow morning what time I will be going in on Thursday. Fingers crossed for a quick delivery!
40 weeks

4/5 Update

Hello
No baby yet. I woke up yesterday morning (I will be somewhat graphic here) and lost what I believe is part of my mucus plug. The main mucus plug is a bit larger, and usually tinged with blood... I told you I'm being graphic, but this was not. It was also not anything "normal" either. I am hoping that this is the start of SOMETHING. Nathan's sister, Meryl took the kids yesterday and let them have a sleepover last night, and Nathan had to work most of the day, so it was just Brody and I for the most part. I had contractions every 15-20 minutes for about 13 hours yesterday, and even briefly thought they may get closer together, but alas they did not and they stopped later last night. They were just braxton hicks after all. I did not take the tylenol with codine last night because I was concerned it could effect the baby if I did go into labor. I did not sleep last night at all. My back was worse than ever.
I did get to go out with my mom yesterday and pick up a few spring things for Brody and a new pair of sneakers for him. Today is one of the only rain free days predicted for the week so i am taking full advantage and walking the lake in a few minutes and then headed to my mom's house for cake and ice cream for her birthday and taking another walk around her neighborhood afterwards. Hopefully all of that will encourage Keira to move down a bit more and give her the hint that her time in utero is up. I have an ultrasound and doctor appointment back to back tomorrow afternoon and will make sure I update afterwards... unless of course all this walking today does something! (I can only hope right?)

4/2 Update

Yes, I'm still pregnant. April was brought in... well not so pleasantly for me. While I was getting ready to leave for Nate's first storytime in this session, I was carrying Brody down my stairs and somehow missed the last 5 or 6 stairs and collapsed at the bottom. The good news is Brody is fine, and I didn't fall forward or backward, but instead made one huge, giant step to the bottom, skipping those last 5 or 6 stairs entirely. I did twist my ankle (left ankle, the first part to "land" and braced against/fell against the wall and window at the bottom of the stairs as the rest of me kind of crumpled to the landing. I was worried more about my ankle, and of course feeling the baby move, after the fall. Again, I knew Brody was fine and probably thought it was fun sailing through the air with me. I took Nate to storytime, knowing it was an hour of semi-quiet, and while there felt the baby move. However while I was there I started to realize maybe my concern should not have been my ankle (which was surprisingly feeling fine) but my lower back which was growing increasingly more painful and was actually burning. I decided to call my doctor. Better to be safe than sorry, right? They brought me in and wanted to do a non stress test, where they hook me up and monitor the baby and if I'm having contractions, for three hours. After an hour I was on the verge of tears from having to stay in the seated position I was in. Since the baby looked great, and there was no concern there, I begged them to not make me do it any longer. I did have a few big contractions while I was hooked up, so they wanted to check me. I attribute the contractions to my body reacting to the pain I was in. I was almost 2 centimeters though, so maybe it triggered something. Not in labor though, clearly since I am writing this now. They then sent me to another doctor to check my back. Turns out she believes I cracked my tailbone. There is nothing I can do about this besides ice it and stay mobile so my body doesn't tense up. They gave me tylenol with codine, but I am hesitant to take it, even at night in case I go into labor. (I did take it last night, and feel groggy this morning. I'm not a fan of being drugged, even if it is just slightly so.)
Anyway, that's my story. I need to stay active, and sitting here writing this is not very comfortable. I figure I'll make the best of it and get a lot done around the house, and if the rain holds off, maybe squeeze in a walk.

3/31 Update

I am 39 weeks pregnant... almost a whole 10 months I have been growing this baby and feel like as a reward for that she should decide to give me a break and come this week. I am not optimistic about this though. I am at the point where I feel like I will literally be pregnant forever. I am actually completely surrendered about the fact that I do not think she will come out on her own, no matter what I do. I had my appointment yesterday and not a whole lot has changed. Still 60% effaced, 1 centimeter dilated, but the major change was where my cervix is usually very posterior, it has come all the way down and is no longer so. Without being too graphic, I did not have to get into funny positions for her to strip my membranes this week.
I am walking as soon as the kids finish up lunch, and am going to walk again tonight without the kids, and will hopefully follow this routine all week as long as the rain holds off... we'll see.

3/27 Update

It has been gorgeous out the past few days here, and trust me I am taking full advantage of it! I have walked the lake (there is a lake 2 streets over from my house that is about 3 1/2 miles around... a good walk) the past two days and fully intend on walking it each and every day it is nice enough.
No new news on the baby front. I am still getting somewhat regular braxton hicks contraction, and those can fool me into thinking maybe it is the start of something, but that has not been the case so far. I am taking the boys to the zoo in Boston tomorrow and am looking forward to one last big outing with the boys... and more walking.
I will update more as things progress and hopefully will have a few good pictures to share from our zoo adventure tomorrow.

3/25 Update

I had my doctor appointment today. I am very pleased with how everything is going. My cervix is very soft and I am a little over 60% effaced. I am still only 1 centimeter dilated. Because Keira is not an enormous elephant baby right now, we discussed letting me go on my own. I told my dr I was very anti pitocin (a medicine that they use to make you contract) and said I would feel much better waiting it out. She felt great about this. Because they don't let you go any later than a week past your due date, and because of the close proximity to Easter, she will be inducing me (if I don't go on my own earlier) either 4/8 or 4/9. She will be putting my name in 4/7 and I will know (again if I do not go on my own beforehand) that day when the exact date will be. Either way, 4/9 at the latest. She will continue stripping my membranes at my next (and last) two appointments. Until then I will be walking a lot and enjoying every moment with just the three boys.
It was so nice today so Nathan and I took the boys to the baseball field to practice for the upcoming season. I should mention we had to jump a fence to get into the field... quite a sight, I'm sure if anyone saw me.
I will report anything else if it comes up!

Ultrasound 3/24

Hello
I am 38 weeks along now, just 2 weeks away from my due date. I had my ultrasound this morning to measure the fluid and estimate the baby's weight. I also had her do a check to make sure we were once again indeed having a girl... we still are. I didn't want any April Fool's Day surprises!
The fluid around the baby was fine, and she was a bit squirmy, so it was somewhat difficult to get a good measurement, but they said they think she is measuring at 7lbs exactly right now, right on target. She said it's actually the 67th percentile, so just a bit above average for how far along I am. They get this "guess-timate" by measuring the circumference of the head and stomach. Her head was very far down and although we couldn't really get a good glimpse of her face, she briefly turned a bit, enough to see she had chubby little cheeks.
All in all everything went really well. I'm still having contractions every night like clockwork, and am up most of the night with them. I have my appointment with my doctor tomorrow afternoon to check for dilation and discuss what the course of action will be. My hopes are that I can wait it out until Keira is ready to come on her own.

3/20

I thought for sure I was going to go into labor last night. Around 930pm I started having really intense contractions every 10-12 minutes. They lasted ALL night. I didn't sleep much. But alas, this morning they slowed down just in time for me to start a busy day.
They may have been caused by me rearranging my bedroom yesterday. Yes, I moved the bed, hope chests, everything. No Nathan was not home and had no idea I was doing it. What can I say, nesting instincts kicking in yet again.
We woke up early and I took Ty to get his filling... he did great although was very upset with having half of his face numb. I then swung by my mom's house so Nate could use the bathroom and I could change Brody's diaper. I headed to IParty to get the last of Nathan's surprise 30th party decorations and went to the grocery store to buy the stuff to make all of the food for the party. It was such a fun visit to the grocery store... Ty complaining of his face being numb, Nate off the wall and covering his face in stickers, yes his eyes too, Brody was very cranky and kept trying to get all of the food. I bought a ginger ale and was so excited to have it when I got in the car and it exploded all over me. It was really fun.
I am now waiting for the cake to cool and have sent the older boys out to play. I just got Brody in for a nap and now am procrastinating before I start making mounds of food.
If I survive this night, I think I am in good shape. Will post pics soon.

3/17

Happy St Patrick's Day!!!
All of the boys dressed in green today... and although we have lots o' Irish heritage, that was the extent of our celebrating.
Since my doctor's visit yesterday I have been having a strange pattern of braxton hicks (?) contractions. They last for 2 hours or so, then stop for an hour or two, then start up again. They have done this all day yesterday and today, and when they are "on" and I am having them, they definitely seem to be getting more intense. Maybe this is my body preparing for the real thing?
Not this week Keira... please for the love of God, not this week...
I am registering Nate for preschool tomorrow and have lots of paperwork to fill out, have to bake and get everything ready for Nathan's surprise 30th bday party, take Ty to the dentist and set up Nathan's party Friday... just not this week Keira.
I should add in that my original due date was 3/21, and that would be Saturday. They changed my due date to 4/7 after my first ultrasound.
That's it for now!

37 Week Update

Hello
Not too much to report as of now. I am 37 weeks and measuring around 39 1/2 weeks. Keira's head is still down. My ultrasound is a week from tomorrow, and I have my next doctor appointment a week from Wednesday. They will decide Wednesday if they want to induce me next week. I am very opposed to having pitocin, and if the decision is made that I should be induced next week, I am going to ask for them to first try stripping my membranes and see if I go on my own, and if not I will gladly head in to be induced the following week.
Or Keira could surprise us all and decide to come before next week, but I'm not counting on it.
Her heart rate did slow down a lot, it is usually in the upper 150's range, and today it was in the upper 120's as a base line. My NP said this usually happens towards the end when the baby is mature and ready to be born. We waited for her to be active, and her heart rate went right back up to where it normally is, just to make sure everything was ok. She said all signs point to her completely ready to make her entrance in the world and for her to be a big baby.
I promise to keep you updated on any news.
I will upload pics from my grandmother's 80th birthday brunch and the 37 week belly as soon as I get a chance.

Doctor Update

Hello
The boys had their dentist appointments yesterday and did great. Ty unfortunately had a cavity, and will get that filled next week. Their next routine dentist visit, 6 months from now, Brody will have his first visit.
I had my 36 week appointment today. I am now measuring at 39 weeks. They are thinking she is already around 7 1/2lbs. Her head is very much down and she seemed to think her head was pretty much going to stay there since she is so large now. They did not check for any dilation because they were worried it could start labor, and they'd like to hold off on that for at least another week.
My next appointment is Monday and I should know even more at that point.

Nine Months

Here it is... my enormous, rapidly growing belly. Nine months along. I have reached the point where little miss Keira can be born anytime. Am I ready? Well, look at my belly and ask yourself if you would be ready to not carry that weight around anymore. Am I really ready for another baby to be here? Surprisingly I think I finally am. The lack of sleep I have been getting the past few weeks has finally become a normal thing (there is no way I can get comfy at night anymore, and I toss and turn and get up to go to the bathroom and drink water constantly) so I am prepared for sleepless nights. I am now just looking forward to Keira's grand entrance into the world, as I think how a baby enters and their unique birth story says so much about the baby as a person.
Now I can't go into labor this weekend because it is my grandmother's 80th birthday, and I can't go into labor next weekend because it is Nathan's surprise 30th birthday and his parents' annual Irish/Celtic party. Any other time, we're good to go. Wish me luck in the weeks ahead!