The week has flown by.
Bye week! I don't remember any of our conversations because you came in and then left so quickly!!!
I was officially offered the management position for the Ghost Tour job. I am taking it.
If you have read my posts recently, you will absolutely see my internal war within about jumping back into the workforce. I call it an internal war. Others may call it bipolar. Whatever.
I took my drug test (which although I am absolutely positive, there is some odd anxiety -add that to bipolar in my list of issues- that somehow someone slipped me some drug and I didn't know, and the test will come back and I will have to say, "I have no idea how that was in my system!" and I will cry and no one will believe me.)
That is what goes on in my head. As you know by now, I am not exaggerating, these are conversations I actually have in my head. With myself. I am lucky if a few sentences don't slip out loud. Then I just look like the crazy lady talking to herself down the street.
This week was spent getting things ready for Keira's second birthday party (I haven't talked about it because it makes me sad that she is turning two.), helping my friend move, running all over creations for God knows what, and spending an obscene amount of time in my car, or getting in and out of my car.
On the plus side, I made it to the gym a couple of times this week, and I weighed myself for the first time since I started the slow card life. I was down 11 pounds in a week and a half. That certainly made for a very happy me. Giving up all that bread and pasta is worth it, and I do really feel a thousand times better.
I will hold off talking about Brody's speech evaluation today, because I want a complete picture first. Basically the same stuff was said, only this time he was actually classified as having a moderate to severe speech impediment.
I feel sad about that classification, but I know how smart Brody is, and I know this won't last forever. He will get better, slowly but surely.
That is where my mentality is right now at least.
And on that note, no pictures today, but lots to come!
Showing posts with label inner monologues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner monologues. Show all posts
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Days 163, 164, and 165
I knew this time of year was coming. Maybe I didn't want to admit to myself yet.
It is the crazy, busy, chaotic, I don't know if we're coming or going feeling. Sometimes it feels like we're all on a ride that has spun out of control.
The winter is a lull as far as activities go. Sure we are still relatively busy, because we are constantly balancing 6 individual schedules, but now that April is here, we are in full blown losing our minds mode for the next three months.
This week has been an extra busy one with a producer coming to our house, a big audition, school events, Brody's evaluation meeting (which I am not yet ready to talk about), and other personal things going on.
Also, on Wednesday, Sharon's mother passed away.
It seems the universe has been taking the last few days of March to prep me for what lies ahead. In truth I probably need the prep.
Late last night I couldn't sleep. I had received emails regarding Ty's baseball schedule, and much to my surprise his season starts Sunday.
I recently audition for something in which I could potentially work 4-5 evenings/nights per week. When I got Ty's schedule my head started spinning. I instantly knew this job, which I had already built up in my head, was now just not going to be possible for me.
Well I shouldn't say that. Of course it is possible. I just have such a strong emotion attached to being there for my children, for everything.
I have never missed one of Ty's sports events.
I was getting anxious when I only had Ty's baseball schedule, and I knew Nate's baseball schedule was coming soon too.
Here is where my guilt and anxiety really builds; as I said, I have never missed anything of Ty's, and I certainly want to be that same consistent observer/supporter/encourager for Nate too! And when it is time, for Brody, and Keira.
I guess it hit me, that at some point I may not be able to be at something and that just kills me. So this job, which could take me away from this precious, fleeting time I have with my kids who are growing so incredibly fast, suddenly didn't seem worth it.
That internal give and take was hard for me last night. Trying to find a balance between myself, and my dreams, and my children, and how present I am in each aspect of their lives.
For me, listening to them retell the story about the game winning home run just isn't enough. I want to be there jumping up and down, cheering them on, or at times, comforting them when the game didn't go their way.
I know plenty of parents miss things, and I know it is okay if I do from time to time, but for me, it is too unsettling. I'm not ready.
I cried talking to Nathan, who was incredibly supportive, and never judged me for these feelings, or made me feel like a job and the extra money was more important than my feelings.
I know I was being emotional, and it was probably in part because I hadn't slept in two nights, and once again was up in the middle of the night. I know it had to do with the helpless feeling that came out of Brody's evaluation meeting. It was a meeting that was completely going in Brody's favor, until a random statement made by a substitute therapist in her ONE HOUR time span she has spent with Brody (an observation not one of his parents, or any of the other people evaluation Brody noted) that changed the course of the anticipated amendment to his current IEP drastically. I stated my case, but once again, I felt like I was back in the office for his hearing test, when the audiologist flat out old me I shouldn't have brought him back, looked in his ears, told me they were fine, but once the tests were administered, apologized and said he in fact could barely hear.
I know there are some parents who, rightly so, think the worst and want as much as they can for their child, even when it may not be necessary, because they love their child, and will always worry. I just wish I didn't have to constantly prove to certain people that I know what I am talking about. You would think raising four children should count for something. When my child tells me he can't hear something, that should be a red flag, when he is not progressing at the speed he should, that should be a red flag.
Again last night, I jumped from being there for my kids, to what is going on with Brody, finally, allowing myself to just break down in frustration. I want the very best for my children, because I know they deserve the world. I don't ever want anything to hold Brody back. He is so funny, and smart, and witty, and most people don't know that because they can't understand him. What makes my heart break, is that he is smart enough to know they don't understand him. It frustrates him and makes him upset, and those frustrations come out in many different ways.
I am turning to our pediatrician now, to help me navigate this world of second opinions and advocates. I know it is going to be a bumpy, emotional road.
I think that is all I can write about right now.
And on that note...
It is the crazy, busy, chaotic, I don't know if we're coming or going feeling. Sometimes it feels like we're all on a ride that has spun out of control.
The winter is a lull as far as activities go. Sure we are still relatively busy, because we are constantly balancing 6 individual schedules, but now that April is here, we are in full blown losing our minds mode for the next three months.
This week has been an extra busy one with a producer coming to our house, a big audition, school events, Brody's evaluation meeting (which I am not yet ready to talk about), and other personal things going on.
Also, on Wednesday, Sharon's mother passed away.
It seems the universe has been taking the last few days of March to prep me for what lies ahead. In truth I probably need the prep.
Late last night I couldn't sleep. I had received emails regarding Ty's baseball schedule, and much to my surprise his season starts Sunday.
I recently audition for something in which I could potentially work 4-5 evenings/nights per week. When I got Ty's schedule my head started spinning. I instantly knew this job, which I had already built up in my head, was now just not going to be possible for me.
Well I shouldn't say that. Of course it is possible. I just have such a strong emotion attached to being there for my children, for everything.
I have never missed one of Ty's sports events.
I was getting anxious when I only had Ty's baseball schedule, and I knew Nate's baseball schedule was coming soon too.
Here is where my guilt and anxiety really builds; as I said, I have never missed anything of Ty's, and I certainly want to be that same consistent observer/supporter/encourager for Nate too! And when it is time, for Brody, and Keira.
I guess it hit me, that at some point I may not be able to be at something and that just kills me. So this job, which could take me away from this precious, fleeting time I have with my kids who are growing so incredibly fast, suddenly didn't seem worth it.
That internal give and take was hard for me last night. Trying to find a balance between myself, and my dreams, and my children, and how present I am in each aspect of their lives.
For me, listening to them retell the story about the game winning home run just isn't enough. I want to be there jumping up and down, cheering them on, or at times, comforting them when the game didn't go their way.
I know plenty of parents miss things, and I know it is okay if I do from time to time, but for me, it is too unsettling. I'm not ready.
I cried talking to Nathan, who was incredibly supportive, and never judged me for these feelings, or made me feel like a job and the extra money was more important than my feelings.
I know I was being emotional, and it was probably in part because I hadn't slept in two nights, and once again was up in the middle of the night. I know it had to do with the helpless feeling that came out of Brody's evaluation meeting. It was a meeting that was completely going in Brody's favor, until a random statement made by a substitute therapist in her ONE HOUR time span she has spent with Brody (an observation not one of his parents, or any of the other people evaluation Brody noted) that changed the course of the anticipated amendment to his current IEP drastically. I stated my case, but once again, I felt like I was back in the office for his hearing test, when the audiologist flat out old me I shouldn't have brought him back, looked in his ears, told me they were fine, but once the tests were administered, apologized and said he in fact could barely hear.
I know there are some parents who, rightly so, think the worst and want as much as they can for their child, even when it may not be necessary, because they love their child, and will always worry. I just wish I didn't have to constantly prove to certain people that I know what I am talking about. You would think raising four children should count for something. When my child tells me he can't hear something, that should be a red flag, when he is not progressing at the speed he should, that should be a red flag.
Again last night, I jumped from being there for my kids, to what is going on with Brody, finally, allowing myself to just break down in frustration. I want the very best for my children, because I know they deserve the world. I don't ever want anything to hold Brody back. He is so funny, and smart, and witty, and most people don't know that because they can't understand him. What makes my heart break, is that he is smart enough to know they don't understand him. It frustrates him and makes him upset, and those frustrations come out in many different ways.
I am turning to our pediatrician now, to help me navigate this world of second opinions and advocates. I know it is going to be a bumpy, emotional road.
I think that is all I can write about right now.
And on that note...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Day 154
5 am workouts are a bitch.
I have a 1.7 second window where my alarm goes off and I realize it is because my super peppy, go-get-'em night time self set it at that time to get up and workout, but if that 1.7 second realization passes and I do not actually get up, I am zonked out until 7 when my next "school" alarm goes off.
I know this.
I know my brain has magic persuasive powers that make me rationalize why I don't need to exercise today, and how tomorrow would be better, or that maybe Nathan will come home before 8pm and I could go before dinner, or even if he comes home, I can go after the kids are in bed.
Oh you tricky, tricky, manipulative brain.
The thing is, if I jump up when the alarm goes off, I am actually good. I dare say I am even awake.
So I had basically this exact monologue in my head this weekend, at the gym actually (because I was peppy, go-get-'em Nicole at the time), and when my alarm went off at 5am I momentarily thought I set it for 1 am, because that is what time it felt like (that is what time my brain wanted me to think it was at least), I shook the thought out, jumped up and left.
Just like that.
Except I peed first and brushed my teeth.
I even made things slightly easier for myself by actually sleeping in my workout clothes. Think what you will, but getting that extra 2 minutes (okay let's be honest, it's more like ten when I just wake up and am fumbling around in the dark and my stubborn brain is refusing to communicate to my limbs how to perform simple tasks like putting my leg into my pants, and I end up hopping around, tripping over my dog and waking everyone up) to sleep more, is worth literally looking like I just rolled out of bed, because I did.
And the people who frequent the gym at 5am don't seem to care that my mascara from the day before has smudged all around my eyes, and I look like a raccoon.
On yet another tangent, I should say I really wish I was one of those women who have a nightly routine, and stand in front of the mirror, washing their face before bed, applying their nightly moisturizer, a little headband holding their hair back, talking to their husband about some important thing. But I'm not. When I am done for the night, I am done, and I am lucky to remember to change into pjs, and not fall asleep standing at the sink doing dishes, or in one of my kids' beds.
That is the truth. Maybe I will adopt a nightly routine when I am thirty.
Yes, I definitely will. Thirty sounds like a totally appropriate age to have a good nightly routine.
I think I get a lot more accomplished when I am awake that early.
And I think it makes me a better mom.
How?
Oh, well why don't I tell you!
For example, I am more apt to whip up some pancakes, maybe add chocolate chips, or blueberries.
Or some scrambled eggs and bacon.
Or french toast.
If I don't wake up early, cereal or waffles in the toaster.
See?
Better mom. (Take that manipulative, procrastinating brain!)
I got so much laundry done, I read lots of books with the kids, I allowed Keira to convince me she had to go to the bathroom every 7 minutes (she really just has an obsession with sitting on her Dora seat), and that was okay because by 9am, I had the dishes done, the floors swept, the counters and cabinets and walls cleaned, the laundry was already in, and toys were being picked up as they were coming out.
Ladies and gentleman, maybe I found the key to life.
Or the key to my life. I'm sure all of you are more responsible and make your children pancakes whenever they want, and have your houses clean all the time.
I bet you also drink a lot of coffee.
I don't.
I hate coffee.
Yes, I said it. I HATE COFFEE.
And even though I like to steal a bite out of my kids munchkins every now and then, I actually hate donuts too.
I had a friend over in the afternoon, and I get as excited for adult conversation as my kids would for a trip to Disney World.
I realize I have strayed so far off what I began talking about. That is my brain rebelling. Getting me back for all the snide comments I have made. It wants you to think I am crazy.
I probably am.
But yesterday was a good day.
If I was talking to you in person right now, and happened to have a microphone in my hand, I would now lean in and say "Nicole, OUT!"
Then I'd turn super dramatically, drop the mic and while walking away throw my arms up in the air, hands giving off peace signs.
I have a 1.7 second window where my alarm goes off and I realize it is because my super peppy, go-get-'em night time self set it at that time to get up and workout, but if that 1.7 second realization passes and I do not actually get up, I am zonked out until 7 when my next "school" alarm goes off.
I know this.
I know my brain has magic persuasive powers that make me rationalize why I don't need to exercise today, and how tomorrow would be better, or that maybe Nathan will come home before 8pm and I could go before dinner, or even if he comes home, I can go after the kids are in bed.
Oh you tricky, tricky, manipulative brain.
The thing is, if I jump up when the alarm goes off, I am actually good. I dare say I am even awake.
So I had basically this exact monologue in my head this weekend, at the gym actually (because I was peppy, go-get-'em Nicole at the time), and when my alarm went off at 5am I momentarily thought I set it for 1 am, because that is what time it felt like (that is what time my brain wanted me to think it was at least), I shook the thought out, jumped up and left.
Just like that.
Except I peed first and brushed my teeth.
I even made things slightly easier for myself by actually sleeping in my workout clothes. Think what you will, but getting that extra 2 minutes (okay let's be honest, it's more like ten when I just wake up and am fumbling around in the dark and my stubborn brain is refusing to communicate to my limbs how to perform simple tasks like putting my leg into my pants, and I end up hopping around, tripping over my dog and waking everyone up) to sleep more, is worth literally looking like I just rolled out of bed, because I did.
And the people who frequent the gym at 5am don't seem to care that my mascara from the day before has smudged all around my eyes, and I look like a raccoon.
On yet another tangent, I should say I really wish I was one of those women who have a nightly routine, and stand in front of the mirror, washing their face before bed, applying their nightly moisturizer, a little headband holding their hair back, talking to their husband about some important thing. But I'm not. When I am done for the night, I am done, and I am lucky to remember to change into pjs, and not fall asleep standing at the sink doing dishes, or in one of my kids' beds.
That is the truth. Maybe I will adopt a nightly routine when I am thirty.
Yes, I definitely will. Thirty sounds like a totally appropriate age to have a good nightly routine.
I think I get a lot more accomplished when I am awake that early.
And I think it makes me a better mom.
How?
Oh, well why don't I tell you!
For example, I am more apt to whip up some pancakes, maybe add chocolate chips, or blueberries.
Or some scrambled eggs and bacon.
Or french toast.
If I don't wake up early, cereal or waffles in the toaster.
See?
Better mom. (Take that manipulative, procrastinating brain!)
I got so much laundry done, I read lots of books with the kids, I allowed Keira to convince me she had to go to the bathroom every 7 minutes (she really just has an obsession with sitting on her Dora seat), and that was okay because by 9am, I had the dishes done, the floors swept, the counters and cabinets and walls cleaned, the laundry was already in, and toys were being picked up as they were coming out.
Ladies and gentleman, maybe I found the key to life.
Or the key to my life. I'm sure all of you are more responsible and make your children pancakes whenever they want, and have your houses clean all the time.
I bet you also drink a lot of coffee.
I don't.
I hate coffee.
Yes, I said it. I HATE COFFEE.
And even though I like to steal a bite out of my kids munchkins every now and then, I actually hate donuts too.
I had a friend over in the afternoon, and I get as excited for adult conversation as my kids would for a trip to Disney World.
I realize I have strayed so far off what I began talking about. That is my brain rebelling. Getting me back for all the snide comments I have made. It wants you to think I am crazy.
I probably am.
But yesterday was a good day.
If I was talking to you in person right now, and happened to have a microphone in my hand, I would now lean in and say "Nicole, OUT!"
Then I'd turn super dramatically, drop the mic and while walking away throw my arms up in the air, hands giving off peace signs.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Day 140
First, who (no cheating) can name what movie this song is from?
Seriously, DO NOT CHEAT.
It makes me want to do my best riverdancing impressions. And hop and dance around my kitchen.
I recently forced Nathan to suffer through me watching aka saying every line from the movie. He is not a fan of me doing this. But if I have to watch 3:10 to Yuma (which I used to like until Nathan seemingly only watches that now, and is miraculously is on any time he takes control of the t.v.) then he can deal with me reciting every line from this movie, or any other one I care to as well.
It's not like I force him to go to the movies with me and Kerrie.
Believe it or not, this is a punishment, because as I said before, we don't shut up... ever. It's like we immediately revert back to being 13 years old, and we just convinced our parents to waste money on Bop or Teen Beat magazine, so we know all the latest gossip on anyone and everyone.
Are you still with me?
I overdid it yesterday, and paid for it last night, when I became horribly tired. That continued into today, but I refused to let it take over my life. I snuggled with the kids in the morning, and then once Nate and Ty were in school, I took a nice walk with Brody and Keira. I even dared to go without a stroller, (it must be due to my sick brain that I decided to do that.) but they were cooperative, well behaved, and didn't complain at all. I think their older brothers whine more. It must be that Brody and Keira were just grateful I was off the couch and actively interacting with them.
Funny little story; while wiping Brody's butt the other day, he gently rubbed my leg and said "Your legs are beautiful mama." It was such a sweet moment, and he was being so genuine and loving. Too bad he was bent over and I was wiping smelly poop from his butt. It made me laugh, and smile.
Here's another random tid bit for you. I stink at some basic girl things. I love fashion. Heck, I used to work in the center of Boston's fashion world pre-kiddos. I had mostly designer clothes, and my mom will gladly remind me of my former disgust with the store I now could not live without, Marshalls.
But today, I was suddenly slapped in the face with my disgusting, falling apart, hand me down purse.
I generally do not buy pocket books. My last few have been barely used hand me downs.
What kind of woman am I that I would even walk around with suck a tattered, old, falling apart thing?
Well, I decided that an evening clutch looked much better than this purse, and I rummaged through the cookie and cracker crumbs, broken crayons, random lip glosses, and a diaper that is a size too small now, decided there was nothing of use in it, and tossed it.
Evening clutch it is for now.
The floor of my car very closely resembled the bottom of my purse until yesterday, when I pulled over a trash barrel and cleaned it. I even vacuumed it out. No longer will I rush the kids out of the car for fear that a juice box, ten match cars, two dolls, and a sippy cup with old milk will fall out while I am talking to another mother at their school.
Because that would be embarrassing, and has never ever happened before.
Pffffshhhhhh.
The vacuum may or may not still be in my car.
At least it is clean though, right?
I swear I will change my dirty car and disgusting old purse habit before I am thirty.
Seriously, DO NOT CHEAT.
It makes me want to do my best riverdancing impressions. And hop and dance around my kitchen.
I recently forced Nathan to suffer through me watching aka saying every line from the movie. He is not a fan of me doing this. But if I have to watch 3:10 to Yuma (which I used to like until Nathan seemingly only watches that now, and is miraculously is on any time he takes control of the t.v.) then he can deal with me reciting every line from this movie, or any other one I care to as well.
It's not like I force him to go to the movies with me and Kerrie.
Believe it or not, this is a punishment, because as I said before, we don't shut up... ever. It's like we immediately revert back to being 13 years old, and we just convinced our parents to waste money on Bop or Teen Beat magazine, so we know all the latest gossip on anyone and everyone.
Are you still with me?
I overdid it yesterday, and paid for it last night, when I became horribly tired. That continued into today, but I refused to let it take over my life. I snuggled with the kids in the morning, and then once Nate and Ty were in school, I took a nice walk with Brody and Keira. I even dared to go without a stroller, (it must be due to my sick brain that I decided to do that.) but they were cooperative, well behaved, and didn't complain at all. I think their older brothers whine more. It must be that Brody and Keira were just grateful I was off the couch and actively interacting with them.
Funny little story; while wiping Brody's butt the other day, he gently rubbed my leg and said "Your legs are beautiful mama." It was such a sweet moment, and he was being so genuine and loving. Too bad he was bent over and I was wiping smelly poop from his butt. It made me laugh, and smile.
Here's another random tid bit for you. I stink at some basic girl things. I love fashion. Heck, I used to work in the center of Boston's fashion world pre-kiddos. I had mostly designer clothes, and my mom will gladly remind me of my former disgust with the store I now could not live without, Marshalls.
But today, I was suddenly slapped in the face with my disgusting, falling apart, hand me down purse.
I generally do not buy pocket books. My last few have been barely used hand me downs.
What kind of woman am I that I would even walk around with suck a tattered, old, falling apart thing?
Well, I decided that an evening clutch looked much better than this purse, and I rummaged through the cookie and cracker crumbs, broken crayons, random lip glosses, and a diaper that is a size too small now, decided there was nothing of use in it, and tossed it.
Evening clutch it is for now.
The floor of my car very closely resembled the bottom of my purse until yesterday, when I pulled over a trash barrel and cleaned it. I even vacuumed it out. No longer will I rush the kids out of the car for fear that a juice box, ten match cars, two dolls, and a sippy cup with old milk will fall out while I am talking to another mother at their school.
Because that would be embarrassing, and has never ever happened before.
Pffffshhhhhh.
The vacuum may or may not still be in my car.
At least it is clean though, right?
I swear I will change my dirty car and disgusting old purse habit before I am thirty.
Brody snuggling with me. I love snuggling.
The new skirt I made for Keira. I am in love with it and it took me a half hour to make.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day 133 ~ Content.
Content: Mentally or emotionally satisfied with the way things are.
"Woman's discontent increases in exact proportion to her development."
Elizabeth Stanton
"Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation."
Oscar Wilde
While emailing back and forth with my mom today, I was telling her how I could tell I was getting sick, to which she replied that I should try to take it easy. I thought this was sort of funny, so I asked her how she thought I should do that. She suggested maybe going to bed early, in lieu of a trip to the gym, etc.
This idea seemed silly to me. However, it made me think a lot. I questioned why it seemed so absurd that I would skip something that I got so much out of, for sleep, which I know I am lacking. What I decided was it came down to contentment.
Bear with me here.
There are many things that I feel fulfilled by. My children, Nathan, my family, my friends. But I would be lying if I said I was content with almost anything.
The gym evokes feelings of my body, which will always be a work in progress. I am not content with it right now, so I feel I owe it to myself to work on that, change it, mold it, make it the best it can be. I have long said one of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people talk about how unsatisfied they are with their body, proclaiming the are overweight, and yet they don't put forth a valiant effort to change it.
That does not just apply to weight and body image, but it does to almost anything. I am under the firm belief that if you want something, you need to go out and get it. I know this is a dreamer's mentality, and I know realistically you will not obtain each and every thing that you desire in this world, but I feel we owe it to ourselves to at least try. The worst thing that can happen is that you don't achieve what you set out to, but if you know in your heart that you tried your hardest, then a sense of satisfaction will take over and the "what-if" feeling is not lingering in the forefront of your mind.
I feel like I am still in the rough draft stage of my life. I've almost got it, but there is still a lot of editing to do. And I am content knowing that.
I have learned a lot about myself lately. Not only has this exercise in daily (or as close to daily as I can get) posts helped, but also a general awareness or awakening inside me, almost like my engine has been idling for a while, and now I am getting ready for the Indie 500.
The thing is, the more I thought about the idea of contentment, of actually being fully content in your life, the more I decided I do not want to be.
I never want to be complacent, I always want to be in the process of bettering myself and learning and growing. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish in this one life I have, and I feel like to be content would hold me back, would slow my drive for more out of this life.
So for now, if that means I wake up at 5 in the morning to get a good workout in, than that is what I am going to do, because even if I feel a little bit tired, I know it is worth the sacrifice to chip away at my body goals.
If it means I have to go on audition after audition, and come so close I can taste it, only to not get the job in the end, that is okay, because that fuels the hunger of my artistic spirit and makes me want it that much more.
The give and take of life will always be present. No goal can be accomplished without taking from some other area in my life. I am confident in that fact. It is a balancing act that will constantly change and be perfected through my life.
At the end of it all though, to never be content, to always be bettering myself, so in turn I can be a better mother, daughter, girlfriend/wife, friend, actress, is worth it, and I am sure in my last breaths I will have a full sense of contentment with never settling, and always reaching for all that is possible.
"Woman's discontent increases in exact proportion to her development."
Elizabeth Stanton
"Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation."
Oscar Wilde
While emailing back and forth with my mom today, I was telling her how I could tell I was getting sick, to which she replied that I should try to take it easy. I thought this was sort of funny, so I asked her how she thought I should do that. She suggested maybe going to bed early, in lieu of a trip to the gym, etc.
This idea seemed silly to me. However, it made me think a lot. I questioned why it seemed so absurd that I would skip something that I got so much out of, for sleep, which I know I am lacking. What I decided was it came down to contentment.
Bear with me here.
There are many things that I feel fulfilled by. My children, Nathan, my family, my friends. But I would be lying if I said I was content with almost anything.
The gym evokes feelings of my body, which will always be a work in progress. I am not content with it right now, so I feel I owe it to myself to work on that, change it, mold it, make it the best it can be. I have long said one of my biggest pet peeves is listening to people talk about how unsatisfied they are with their body, proclaiming the are overweight, and yet they don't put forth a valiant effort to change it.
That does not just apply to weight and body image, but it does to almost anything. I am under the firm belief that if you want something, you need to go out and get it. I know this is a dreamer's mentality, and I know realistically you will not obtain each and every thing that you desire in this world, but I feel we owe it to ourselves to at least try. The worst thing that can happen is that you don't achieve what you set out to, but if you know in your heart that you tried your hardest, then a sense of satisfaction will take over and the "what-if" feeling is not lingering in the forefront of your mind.
I feel like I am still in the rough draft stage of my life. I've almost got it, but there is still a lot of editing to do. And I am content knowing that.
I have learned a lot about myself lately. Not only has this exercise in daily (or as close to daily as I can get) posts helped, but also a general awareness or awakening inside me, almost like my engine has been idling for a while, and now I am getting ready for the Indie 500.
The thing is, the more I thought about the idea of contentment, of actually being fully content in your life, the more I decided I do not want to be.
I never want to be complacent, I always want to be in the process of bettering myself and learning and growing. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish in this one life I have, and I feel like to be content would hold me back, would slow my drive for more out of this life.
So for now, if that means I wake up at 5 in the morning to get a good workout in, than that is what I am going to do, because even if I feel a little bit tired, I know it is worth the sacrifice to chip away at my body goals.
If it means I have to go on audition after audition, and come so close I can taste it, only to not get the job in the end, that is okay, because that fuels the hunger of my artistic spirit and makes me want it that much more.
The give and take of life will always be present. No goal can be accomplished without taking from some other area in my life. I am confident in that fact. It is a balancing act that will constantly change and be perfected through my life.
At the end of it all though, to never be content, to always be bettering myself, so in turn I can be a better mother, daughter, girlfriend/wife, friend, actress, is worth it, and I am sure in my last breaths I will have a full sense of contentment with never settling, and always reaching for all that is possible.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Days 102 , 103 and 104
I know, behind again.
This weekend has flown by.
I have marathon grocery shopped. I have hit the gym. I have baked for a friend's 30th birthday party, I have celebrated that friend's 30th birthday, I have cleaned, I have read books, I have played, I have been up until at least 1 in the morning the past two nights, and woke up not too long after that, I have kissed boo boos, laughed a lot, I have hugged the ones I love, and I have let laundry and dishes pile up so I could snuggle my babies.
Overall it has been a wonderful, crazy, life filled three days.
Now, at 6:45pm on Sunday night I am officially ready to crash. That's a lie. I am beyond ready to crash. I am a zombie. I could fall asleep anywhere right now. But I am going to try and catch up on a little laundry and put the dishes in the dishwasher so all the catch up cleaning won't seem quite so intimidating in the morning.
Oh and I have lots and lots of pictures for you... I will get to that tomorrow, I promise!
This weekend has flown by.
I have marathon grocery shopped. I have hit the gym. I have baked for a friend's 30th birthday party, I have celebrated that friend's 30th birthday, I have cleaned, I have read books, I have played, I have been up until at least 1 in the morning the past two nights, and woke up not too long after that, I have kissed boo boos, laughed a lot, I have hugged the ones I love, and I have let laundry and dishes pile up so I could snuggle my babies.
Overall it has been a wonderful, crazy, life filled three days.
Now, at 6:45pm on Sunday night I am officially ready to crash. That's a lie. I am beyond ready to crash. I am a zombie. I could fall asleep anywhere right now. But I am going to try and catch up on a little laundry and put the dishes in the dishwasher so all the catch up cleaning won't seem quite so intimidating in the morning.
Oh and I have lots and lots of pictures for you... I will get to that tomorrow, I promise!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Days 88 and 89
Day 88 was filled. Top to bottom filled up with chaos, but the good kind.
Day 88 started my very first morning running at the gym, instead of out in the freezing cold. It was shockingly crowded. My ipod loved me, and played all of my favorite songs in a row, and I just zoned out and ran. It was glorious.
The rest of the day was filled running from here to there and everywhere in between. It didn't bother me though. The kids were back in school, our schedule resuming right where it left off.
That night Nathan and I popped open a big ol' bottle of wine and relaxed, playing some Kinect games and then watching some t.v.
I couldn't have asked for a more filled to the brim day.
Then at 3am on lovely day 89 I was woken with a terrible stomach bug. Every hour, almost on the hour I was up. I felt defeated. Nathan headed to work a bit before 8am, and I made the couch my command base, and begged the kids not to declare war on the house.
Thankfully Nathan came home a bit earlier than planned, and he sent me right up to bed where I napped for a couple of hours. I didn't even turn the t.v. on in my room when I went up to nap. I just flopped on my belly and crashed.
My stomach was pretty upset all day, with real bad nausea coming in waves, but overall I felt a bit better by the evening.
What a contrast between day 88 and day 89. One full of life and craziness, one wretched and miserable.
Day 88 started my very first morning running at the gym, instead of out in the freezing cold. It was shockingly crowded. My ipod loved me, and played all of my favorite songs in a row, and I just zoned out and ran. It was glorious.
The rest of the day was filled running from here to there and everywhere in between. It didn't bother me though. The kids were back in school, our schedule resuming right where it left off.
That night Nathan and I popped open a big ol' bottle of wine and relaxed, playing some Kinect games and then watching some t.v.
I couldn't have asked for a more filled to the brim day.
Then at 3am on lovely day 89 I was woken with a terrible stomach bug. Every hour, almost on the hour I was up. I felt defeated. Nathan headed to work a bit before 8am, and I made the couch my command base, and begged the kids not to declare war on the house.
Thankfully Nathan came home a bit earlier than planned, and he sent me right up to bed where I napped for a couple of hours. I didn't even turn the t.v. on in my room when I went up to nap. I just flopped on my belly and crashed.
My stomach was pretty upset all day, with real bad nausea coming in waves, but overall I felt a bit better by the evening.
What a contrast between day 88 and day 89. One full of life and craziness, one wretched and miserable.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Day 87
2nd day of no school.
Today we went sledding.
Okay, today, we trekked through snow that was way past my knees to attempt to sled. Brody went down once, and Keira never really did because the wind was so strong that it was stinging their poor little faces and they both just wanted to go home. They last about 45 minutes before I hauled in Ty and Nate.
We came home and played out in our yard though, which the wind seemed to avoid.
Good thing I joined the gym again, because something about being snowed in as triggered an instinct to cook and cook and bake and cook and then bake some more.
Seriously.
Yesterday I whipped up a massive batch of blueberry pancakes, (with the biggest, juiciest blueberries I have ever had), then as soon as I cleaned up after breakfast I was on the making pig cake (I made it at 8am because it needs to chill several hours), for lunch it was gourmet ham and cheese for the kids, and for dinner a ridiculously good new recipe, Mushroom and Marsala Pappardelle. It has portobello and porcini mushrooms with kale (which I had never made before, but the kids loved it and so did I) and this marsala and cream sauce, and man it was good... can you tell I liked it?
Today I woke up and made cinnamon rolls for the kids, which is usually only a Christmas morning thing in my house, and then the kids and I made a batch of M&M cookies and now I'm on to Grammy's Chicken.
Seriously. Gym tomorrow morning. I'm going to have to kill myself there to work all this snowstorm food off. I will most likely look ridiculous because my arms already feel like they are going to fall off at any moment from the crazy amount of shoveling I've done.
I just thought I should confess all this. Does being snowed in make anyone else cook and bake like this?
I have made so much food I gave my neighbors copious amounts of tupperware filled containers last night.
I am a strange one, huh?
Pray for me,
Your gluttonous friend Nicole.
Today we went sledding.
Okay, today, we trekked through snow that was way past my knees to attempt to sled. Brody went down once, and Keira never really did because the wind was so strong that it was stinging their poor little faces and they both just wanted to go home. They last about 45 minutes before I hauled in Ty and Nate.
We came home and played out in our yard though, which the wind seemed to avoid.
Good thing I joined the gym again, because something about being snowed in as triggered an instinct to cook and cook and bake and cook and then bake some more.
Seriously.
Yesterday I whipped up a massive batch of blueberry pancakes, (with the biggest, juiciest blueberries I have ever had), then as soon as I cleaned up after breakfast I was on the making pig cake (I made it at 8am because it needs to chill several hours), for lunch it was gourmet ham and cheese for the kids, and for dinner a ridiculously good new recipe, Mushroom and Marsala Pappardelle. It has portobello and porcini mushrooms with kale (which I had never made before, but the kids loved it and so did I) and this marsala and cream sauce, and man it was good... can you tell I liked it?
Today I woke up and made cinnamon rolls for the kids, which is usually only a Christmas morning thing in my house, and then the kids and I made a batch of M&M cookies and now I'm on to Grammy's Chicken.
Seriously. Gym tomorrow morning. I'm going to have to kill myself there to work all this snowstorm food off. I will most likely look ridiculous because my arms already feel like they are going to fall off at any moment from the crazy amount of shoveling I've done.
I just thought I should confess all this. Does being snowed in make anyone else cook and bake like this?
I have made so much food I gave my neighbors copious amounts of tupperware filled containers last night.
I am a strange one, huh?
Pray for me,
Your gluttonous friend Nicole.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 85
I don't normally talk finances here, but today my wallet screamed ouch.
I spent a record amount at the grocery store.
Ready for this?
Get ready...
Here it comes....
$306.57.
My jaw just about dropped to the ground.
I need to tell you that I am not an impulsive shopper by any means. Every week and a half or so, sometimes two if I can squeak it out, I sit down, write a menu planner, write necessities we have run out of, and then any ingredients I do not already have for the dinner menu.
I am restrictive with snacks, and to be honest kind of cheap about it. I for the most part, only make cookies, and those are generally the only sweets the kids have. I buy things like apples, oranges, grapes and bananas for snacks, and lately wheat ritz-like crackers with cheese or peanut butter.
We are a no soda household, and the kids are limited to one glass of juice a day, but they usually don't have one. They prefer water, with milk at lunch and dinner. (We go through at least 4 gallons of milk a week.)
Granted I haven't shopped in almost two weeks, but today's bill was surprisingly high. I feel like I blew 1/2 of my monthly budget in one week and that freaked me out.
I just so happened to have to do the household shopping for everyday things, cleaners, etc, so it just felt like a major money blow today, which generally gives me anxiety. I don't like spending large amounts of money. I know, it is really weird. Not even for fun things like tvs or video games or clothes. I get buyers remorse incredibly easy and get an overwhelming sense of fear and guilt.
On the other hand, I love a great deal. So when my friend told me that a local gym that is only 10-/month added babysitting to the gym, I was stoked. It took me a week to mull it over and decide if I was going to commit, but today I took the plunge. I figure it beats getting up at 530 to run in the cold, when I could get up and workout inside instead, or (gulp) bring the kids during the day and not wake up early at all. Think of the freedom!!!
That basically sums up my day. Money.
I spent a record amount at the grocery store.
Ready for this?
Get ready...
Here it comes....
$306.57.
My jaw just about dropped to the ground.
I need to tell you that I am not an impulsive shopper by any means. Every week and a half or so, sometimes two if I can squeak it out, I sit down, write a menu planner, write necessities we have run out of, and then any ingredients I do not already have for the dinner menu.
I am restrictive with snacks, and to be honest kind of cheap about it. I for the most part, only make cookies, and those are generally the only sweets the kids have. I buy things like apples, oranges, grapes and bananas for snacks, and lately wheat ritz-like crackers with cheese or peanut butter.
We are a no soda household, and the kids are limited to one glass of juice a day, but they usually don't have one. They prefer water, with milk at lunch and dinner. (We go through at least 4 gallons of milk a week.)
Granted I haven't shopped in almost two weeks, but today's bill was surprisingly high. I feel like I blew 1/2 of my monthly budget in one week and that freaked me out.
I just so happened to have to do the household shopping for everyday things, cleaners, etc, so it just felt like a major money blow today, which generally gives me anxiety. I don't like spending large amounts of money. I know, it is really weird. Not even for fun things like tvs or video games or clothes. I get buyers remorse incredibly easy and get an overwhelming sense of fear and guilt.
On the other hand, I love a great deal. So when my friend told me that a local gym that is only 10-/month added babysitting to the gym, I was stoked. It took me a week to mull it over and decide if I was going to commit, but today I took the plunge. I figure it beats getting up at 530 to run in the cold, when I could get up and workout inside instead, or (gulp) bring the kids during the day and not wake up early at all. Think of the freedom!!!
That basically sums up my day. Money.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Day 78
This is where I may lose a few of you.
Last night, while bored, half watching Nathan play video games, half mindlessly scrolling through facebook statuses on my phone, I commented to Nathan that what seemed like my entire news feed was taken up by people declaring that they were watching lifetime's The Craigslist Killer.
(Okay I am saying this in the only way I know how.)
I don't get it.
I mean, I get that it is creepy because he seemingly had it all together, and then boom! he goes on this armed robbery spree, and kills a girl (which is terrible, and nothing less than that.)
But I guess for someone like that to get my attention, they have to be Ted Bundy crazy. This guy was far from a serial killer, or super duper Oceans 11-esque robber. He was dorky and he made everyone believe he was this perfect role model citizen and in truth he was a classic sociopath. He was devolving, having a psychotic break.
I think I am the same way with natural disasters. I find it so much more interesting if it is really, REALLY bad.
And now I am wondering why this makes me feel like a bad person for only caring if there are a high number of casualties, or it is horrific.
Maybe by purging this tidbit of information about myself, I will feel better.
Or maybe I am not alone is this?
(I hope not at least...)
I am headed out for a run now, and then am off to get a haircut.
(I will also confess it is my first haircut in about a year, maybe a year and a month.)
Thanks for accepting me in all my weirdness.
Last night, while bored, half watching Nathan play video games, half mindlessly scrolling through facebook statuses on my phone, I commented to Nathan that what seemed like my entire news feed was taken up by people declaring that they were watching lifetime's The Craigslist Killer.
(Okay I am saying this in the only way I know how.)
I don't get it.
I mean, I get that it is creepy because he seemingly had it all together, and then boom! he goes on this armed robbery spree, and kills a girl (which is terrible, and nothing less than that.)
But I guess for someone like that to get my attention, they have to be Ted Bundy crazy. This guy was far from a serial killer, or super duper Oceans 11-esque robber. He was dorky and he made everyone believe he was this perfect role model citizen and in truth he was a classic sociopath. He was devolving, having a psychotic break.
I think I am the same way with natural disasters. I find it so much more interesting if it is really, REALLY bad.
And now I am wondering why this makes me feel like a bad person for only caring if there are a high number of casualties, or it is horrific.
Maybe by purging this tidbit of information about myself, I will feel better.
Or maybe I am not alone is this?
(I hope not at least...)
I am headed out for a run now, and then am off to get a haircut.
(I will also confess it is my first haircut in about a year, maybe a year and a month.)
Thanks for accepting me in all my weirdness.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Days 60, 61, 62, and 63
I haven't posted.
It's been a rough, looking inward, shutting myself off from the world past few days.
I went with the skirt outfit ultimately because I felt more comfortable in that. I will start by telling you that.
I went to my audition and felt prepared and ready to nail it.
There were two girls who went in to read before me. Then, the casting director came out, got me, and walked me into the room. She said, two steps prior to entering "so we're not going to have you read for Jenny or Jill, you are going to read for Stacy."
TWO STEPS PRIOR TO ENTERING.
"Ohhhhhh, uhhhh okay"
That was all I could muster. My head was spinning. Eight whole pages memorized at meticulously gone through. Inflections questioned on every word. Expressions rehearsed in the mirror. Gone. Out the window.
I was disappointed to say the least.
The next twelve minutes were a blur. I stood up, did my slate (stating my name and union affiliation), the panned down with the camera to see my body on film, I sat, was introduced to the seven people in the room, the director gave me some backround on the scene, and the script reader guy asked me if I was ready and that was it.
I know I did okay.
I also know If I had been as prepared as I was for those other two roles, I would have been great.
When I was done, I stood up and took one last shot and asked "Soooo, no Jill?"
"Nope, you did great!"
I left feeling defeated and annoyed and upset.
I definitely worked this up in my head. I wanted to beg them to let me read the other part and throw whatever they had in their heads about what Jill looked like out the window.
I pushed it out of my mind and told myself I had no control over these things.
We've been busy with holiday events and basketball games and shopping and crafting, so I have been busy, but Saturday night my mom took me to see The Fighter.
If you remember, this was the big movie I auditioned for a year and a half ago. This was the movie I read for numerous times, and made it to the final cut for. There were twelve of us left, only six were cast as the sisters of Micky Ward and Dicky Eckland.
I told my mom I wasn't sure how exactly I would handle seeing this movie, that happens to have snagged six Golden Globe Awards and is talked about in so many categories for Academy Awards. These what ifs stay with me folks. The what if of if I had said this line instead of the other one (a lot of that audition was improve during a fight scene), the what if of where my life would be right now if I had gotten that role, the what if of dressing worse to look uglier in the audition (remember how insecure I was about going in with no makeup on?).
There are very few professions in this world where you have to look so into yourself. I am constantly being told how great of an actress I am, but I just don't look like this or that, or I am too tall, short, thin or fat, or lately too pretty (I know wah wah wah right?)
But these things can get to you. The creep under your skin. A skin that has to be tough.
Anyway, I have taken these few days to reflect. I have taken them to submerge myself in preparing for Christmas and taking my mind off things, which is very hard for me to do.
I have decided that when I finally get that break, it will be perfect and wonderful and I will be so thankful that that one was the first one. Until then, I just have to let go and trust the powers that be.
It's been a rough, looking inward, shutting myself off from the world past few days.
I went with the skirt outfit ultimately because I felt more comfortable in that. I will start by telling you that.
I went to my audition and felt prepared and ready to nail it.
There were two girls who went in to read before me. Then, the casting director came out, got me, and walked me into the room. She said, two steps prior to entering "so we're not going to have you read for Jenny or Jill, you are going to read for Stacy."
TWO STEPS PRIOR TO ENTERING.
"Ohhhhhh, uhhhh okay"
That was all I could muster. My head was spinning. Eight whole pages memorized at meticulously gone through. Inflections questioned on every word. Expressions rehearsed in the mirror. Gone. Out the window.
I was disappointed to say the least.
The next twelve minutes were a blur. I stood up, did my slate (stating my name and union affiliation), the panned down with the camera to see my body on film, I sat, was introduced to the seven people in the room, the director gave me some backround on the scene, and the script reader guy asked me if I was ready and that was it.
I know I did okay.
I also know If I had been as prepared as I was for those other two roles, I would have been great.
When I was done, I stood up and took one last shot and asked "Soooo, no Jill?"
"Nope, you did great!"
I left feeling defeated and annoyed and upset.
I definitely worked this up in my head. I wanted to beg them to let me read the other part and throw whatever they had in their heads about what Jill looked like out the window.
I pushed it out of my mind and told myself I had no control over these things.
We've been busy with holiday events and basketball games and shopping and crafting, so I have been busy, but Saturday night my mom took me to see The Fighter.
If you remember, this was the big movie I auditioned for a year and a half ago. This was the movie I read for numerous times, and made it to the final cut for. There were twelve of us left, only six were cast as the sisters of Micky Ward and Dicky Eckland.
I told my mom I wasn't sure how exactly I would handle seeing this movie, that happens to have snagged six Golden Globe Awards and is talked about in so many categories for Academy Awards. These what ifs stay with me folks. The what if of if I had said this line instead of the other one (a lot of that audition was improve during a fight scene), the what if of where my life would be right now if I had gotten that role, the what if of dressing worse to look uglier in the audition (remember how insecure I was about going in with no makeup on?).
There are very few professions in this world where you have to look so into yourself. I am constantly being told how great of an actress I am, but I just don't look like this or that, or I am too tall, short, thin or fat, or lately too pretty (I know wah wah wah right?)
But these things can get to you. The creep under your skin. A skin that has to be tough.
Anyway, I have taken these few days to reflect. I have taken them to submerge myself in preparing for Christmas and taking my mind off things, which is very hard for me to do.
I have decided that when I finally get that break, it will be perfect and wonderful and I will be so thankful that that one was the first one. Until then, I just have to let go and trust the powers that be.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Day 53
I love babies.
Like, I love, l-o-v-e, love babies.
Babies are a LOT of work.
Nathan and I talked a lot about how much our life is going to change over the next year or so. For our entire relationship we have been raising babies or have been expecting babies. Each time we had another baby we commented on how seemingly "free" (and I use that term very loosely) we were prior to the baby. That freedom a parent can only feel once that have lost it again.
And it is not to say that not having that freedom is bad. It is great, and rewarding and all encompassing because it is a cute, wonderful, amazing little human being that you just created.
We are now at this point though, where we know we will not be having any more babies of our own, and we got excited talking about all of the possibilities that are now at our doorstep.
Things like family trips, when we will not have to plan activities around stroller accessibility or nap times and feeding schedules.
Or family games nights where everyone can play.
Movie trips when we won't have to worry about whether or not someone will sit through the whole thing.
Museum trips where we can actually enjoy the exhibits and not just chase toddlers around.
And dare I say, more time for the two of us to go out on a date every once in a while.
It took me a long time to get to this place. The place where I feel content and where I feel my family is complete and whole just the way it is. And now that I do feel that way, feel like each component of what makes up our family is here, and now that we are moving out of the baby stage, there is a world of possibilities at my doorstep.
Sure Brody is still young, but he is maturing into a rough and tumble big boy at a rapid pace. Keira is just entering the toddler stage, but if her life so far is any indicator, she is only a skip behind Brody, maturity wise. She is an old soul, and has a better attention span than any of the boys did at her age.
Nathan's family took trips together all the time. I love hearing stories about them, and although as children they didn't necessarily appreciate them at the time, and weren't stoked about spending April vacation in D.C. , they are grateful for the time now, and have so many wonderful memories. I look forward to that with my family.
I can't wait for our first trip to Niagra Falls, or to D.C.
I look forward to our first Disney Trip as a family.
I dream of venturing out west to an old pioneer town.
I want to go to Ireland, and fulfill one of Sharon's dreams of her family going back there.
I can't wait to bring my children out to Illinois to visit my second home, and spend time with my Dad and his family, and have them all meet Brody and Keira for the first time, and learn to ride horses.
I want to visit the Grand Canyon with the family, and marvel at how amazing nature is.
The possibilities are endless.
I am grateful for the baby years, these past ten years for me, for teaching me so much, and I am looking forward to all of the new experiences and wonderful memories the years to come hold.
Like, I love, l-o-v-e, love babies.
Babies are a LOT of work.
Nathan and I talked a lot about how much our life is going to change over the next year or so. For our entire relationship we have been raising babies or have been expecting babies. Each time we had another baby we commented on how seemingly "free" (and I use that term very loosely) we were prior to the baby. That freedom a parent can only feel once that have lost it again.
And it is not to say that not having that freedom is bad. It is great, and rewarding and all encompassing because it is a cute, wonderful, amazing little human being that you just created.
We are now at this point though, where we know we will not be having any more babies of our own, and we got excited talking about all of the possibilities that are now at our doorstep.
Things like family trips, when we will not have to plan activities around stroller accessibility or nap times and feeding schedules.
Or family games nights where everyone can play.
Movie trips when we won't have to worry about whether or not someone will sit through the whole thing.
Museum trips where we can actually enjoy the exhibits and not just chase toddlers around.
And dare I say, more time for the two of us to go out on a date every once in a while.
It took me a long time to get to this place. The place where I feel content and where I feel my family is complete and whole just the way it is. And now that I do feel that way, feel like each component of what makes up our family is here, and now that we are moving out of the baby stage, there is a world of possibilities at my doorstep.
Sure Brody is still young, but he is maturing into a rough and tumble big boy at a rapid pace. Keira is just entering the toddler stage, but if her life so far is any indicator, she is only a skip behind Brody, maturity wise. She is an old soul, and has a better attention span than any of the boys did at her age.
Nathan's family took trips together all the time. I love hearing stories about them, and although as children they didn't necessarily appreciate them at the time, and weren't stoked about spending April vacation in D.C. , they are grateful for the time now, and have so many wonderful memories. I look forward to that with my family.
I can't wait for our first trip to Niagra Falls, or to D.C.
I look forward to our first Disney Trip as a family.
I dream of venturing out west to an old pioneer town.
I want to go to Ireland, and fulfill one of Sharon's dreams of her family going back there.
I can't wait to bring my children out to Illinois to visit my second home, and spend time with my Dad and his family, and have them all meet Brody and Keira for the first time, and learn to ride horses.
I want to visit the Grand Canyon with the family, and marvel at how amazing nature is.
The possibilities are endless.
I am grateful for the baby years, these past ten years for me, for teaching me so much, and I am looking forward to all of the new experiences and wonderful memories the years to come hold.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 50
50 days. I feel like I should celebrate.
It has been 50 days since I have decided to change my outlook on life, to take full advantage of the opportunities I have been given, and appreciate all I have been blessed with.
Carpe diem!
If you have been following, (and yes I agree it is totally narcissistic for me to believe anyone really wants to read all of my inner mind spewings for this long, or at all for that matter!) you know it has not been easy. Some days have been down right hard. But this is a journey. I am going to learn all I can to become a better human being. I am going to take what I learn, and hopefully pass it on to my children, or any that care to listen.
There are just so many opportunities we are handed, and some may be disguised as set backs, but it is what you do with what you are given at any certain time that makes us who we are.
I feel like these past 50 days have opened my eyes, heart and soul to so very much.
Thanks for coming on this journey with me.
It has been 50 days since I have decided to change my outlook on life, to take full advantage of the opportunities I have been given, and appreciate all I have been blessed with.
Carpe diem!
If you have been following, (and yes I agree it is totally narcissistic for me to believe anyone really wants to read all of my inner mind spewings for this long, or at all for that matter!) you know it has not been easy. Some days have been down right hard. But this is a journey. I am going to learn all I can to become a better human being. I am going to take what I learn, and hopefully pass it on to my children, or any that care to listen.
There are just so many opportunities we are handed, and some may be disguised as set backs, but it is what you do with what you are given at any certain time that makes us who we are.
I feel like these past 50 days have opened my eyes, heart and soul to so very much.
Thanks for coming on this journey with me.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Day 46 ~ Who Am I?
Do you remember when I was in the running for a to die for role in The Fighter? As one of Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale's sisters?
I daringly (in my opinion at least) posted a photo of how I was asked to go to one of the callbacks in a post you can see here.
The Fighter is now being talked about as a heavy Oscar contender. Watch the trailer here. The scene I auditioned with so many times, and that I still have memorized is briefly in the trailer around the 1:56 mark (it is his sisters on the porch of his girlfriend's house, fighting her.)
Part of me is mad at myself for not fighting harder for the role. The me now would have done things a bit differently. I know I had just had a baby, and was feeling insecure with my body, which in turn makes me less confidant. But what it comes down to, is I do not think it was meant to be for me, at that time.
I have spoken a little (I think?) about my recent surge of auditions that have come my way. I made the decision to put myself back into the business full force starting in 2011, but things just keep coming my way. The thing is, each time I have not sought out these opportunities, they are seemingly falling on my lap. I am taking it as fate preparing me for what is to come. What can I say, it is the optimist in me.
Last night I got a message from my casting agency to see if I could come in for an audition today. It was described as "hip, cool, sexy EDGY, Angelina Jolie type." I gathered advice from friends and finally decided on an outfit. I went into the audition mentally prepared.
When I arrived the owner of the agency waved excitedly and told me she was so happy to see me. I actually looked behind me to see if it was me she was talking to. It was.
I immediately felt a rush of excitement that this woman, who casts literally everything that comes to Boston, every big movie, knows me. She was excited to see me.
Now she did not think I was "a right fit" for this role, because the person was as she described "goth, dark and a DJ". BUT (and this is a big but) she pulled me aside and told me how much she loved me. Repeatedly. She told me that she was determined to get me in and get me some good work. Some good roles.
Honestly, I have never walked out of a casting, knowing I did not get the job, and yet felt so very good.
So, because I posted photos of how horrible I had to look at one of my callbacks for The Fighter, here are a couple of shots from today. Just for the fun of it. And I have no idea what in the world I am doing with my mouth in any of them. It looks weird. Sorry for that.
It is a funny thing to have people tell you you are not a certain "type" and can't see you in a role. I have learned over the past few weeks, so of the types I am not include a meek, mousy nanny, a goth dark DJ, an infomercial host, and an avid coffee drinker.
It makes me wonder what type I am. What will be that role that my casting director looks at me and says "it's you."
Lots to ponder people. I won't bore you with my deep reflection into this, because... well I'm sure you don't really care all that much.
Day 46, way to keep it exciting!
I daringly (in my opinion at least) posted a photo of how I was asked to go to one of the callbacks in a post you can see here.
The Fighter is now being talked about as a heavy Oscar contender. Watch the trailer here. The scene I auditioned with so many times, and that I still have memorized is briefly in the trailer around the 1:56 mark (it is his sisters on the porch of his girlfriend's house, fighting her.)
Part of me is mad at myself for not fighting harder for the role. The me now would have done things a bit differently. I know I had just had a baby, and was feeling insecure with my body, which in turn makes me less confidant. But what it comes down to, is I do not think it was meant to be for me, at that time.
I have spoken a little (I think?) about my recent surge of auditions that have come my way. I made the decision to put myself back into the business full force starting in 2011, but things just keep coming my way. The thing is, each time I have not sought out these opportunities, they are seemingly falling on my lap. I am taking it as fate preparing me for what is to come. What can I say, it is the optimist in me.
Last night I got a message from my casting agency to see if I could come in for an audition today. It was described as "hip, cool, sexy EDGY, Angelina Jolie type." I gathered advice from friends and finally decided on an outfit. I went into the audition mentally prepared.
When I arrived the owner of the agency waved excitedly and told me she was so happy to see me. I actually looked behind me to see if it was me she was talking to. It was.
I immediately felt a rush of excitement that this woman, who casts literally everything that comes to Boston, every big movie, knows me. She was excited to see me.
Now she did not think I was "a right fit" for this role, because the person was as she described "goth, dark and a DJ". BUT (and this is a big but) she pulled me aside and told me how much she loved me. Repeatedly. She told me that she was determined to get me in and get me some good work. Some good roles.
Honestly, I have never walked out of a casting, knowing I did not get the job, and yet felt so very good.
So, because I posted photos of how horrible I had to look at one of my callbacks for The Fighter, here are a couple of shots from today. Just for the fun of it. And I have no idea what in the world I am doing with my mouth in any of them. It looks weird. Sorry for that.
It is a funny thing to have people tell you you are not a certain "type" and can't see you in a role. I have learned over the past few weeks, so of the types I am not include a meek, mousy nanny, a goth dark DJ, an infomercial host, and an avid coffee drinker.
It makes me wonder what type I am. What will be that role that my casting director looks at me and says "it's you."
Lots to ponder people. I won't bore you with my deep reflection into this, because... well I'm sure you don't really care all that much.
Day 46, way to keep it exciting!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Day 43
Today I woke up determined to tackle decorating the house for Christmas.
I swear I will first clean up the frosting that is still on my table.
How is it so incredibly hard for me to just go do it, when I have cleaned almost everything else? It is like that one task is just too much.
Hello world, my name is Nicole, and I am a frosting cleaning procrastinator.
Today my house will smell like cinnamon candles and holiday music will be playing, and my house will eventually be filled with deep evergreens and crimson reds and silver and gold splashes.
It will hopefully evoke the holiday spirit that is severely lacking in my being.
This time of year I usually have already captured a holiday picture and picked out, if not ordered holiday cards. I told Nathan that I am making an appointment for a family picture this week. I feel like I need to jump start myself into the season this year.
I read all these posts from friends who were out black friday shopping, and some who even boasted of being done with holiday shopping already. It overwhelmed me, and quite frankly gave me a massive headache. Maybe part of that is my extreme hatred of the way this holiday season has been over-marketed and shoved down our throats as early as Halloween now. Maybe it is because when I enter a mall (which is rare) during the holiday season, I get hot and dizzy and have urges to run for the nearest exit. Maybe it is because I am a believer that gifts should, for the most part, be from the heart, and thoughtful, and I want my children to be grateful for what they have and what they are given, which is pretty hard when they have so many toys they don't even know what they have.
I have said this before, but it is a tradition that I am grateful my kids accept and willingly participate in, prior to each birthday and to Christmas, my kids go through all of their toys and fill a bag to donate. If they are acquiring new items, I feel like they need to get rid of the ones they no longer use. It has helped my kids understand there are some children that do not have as many toys as them. It has taught my children not to hold on to things they no longer use. It has helped cut down on the clutter that can be overwhelming when you have children.
The kids went through their toy boxes this weekend, and boy did it feel good to go donate things with them.
Off I go to take down the fall decorations and make way for snowmen and santas.
I swear I will first clean up the frosting that is still on my table.
How is it so incredibly hard for me to just go do it, when I have cleaned almost everything else? It is like that one task is just too much.
Hello world, my name is Nicole, and I am a frosting cleaning procrastinator.
Today my house will smell like cinnamon candles and holiday music will be playing, and my house will eventually be filled with deep evergreens and crimson reds and silver and gold splashes.
It will hopefully evoke the holiday spirit that is severely lacking in my being.
This time of year I usually have already captured a holiday picture and picked out, if not ordered holiday cards. I told Nathan that I am making an appointment for a family picture this week. I feel like I need to jump start myself into the season this year.
I read all these posts from friends who were out black friday shopping, and some who even boasted of being done with holiday shopping already. It overwhelmed me, and quite frankly gave me a massive headache. Maybe part of that is my extreme hatred of the way this holiday season has been over-marketed and shoved down our throats as early as Halloween now. Maybe it is because when I enter a mall (which is rare) during the holiday season, I get hot and dizzy and have urges to run for the nearest exit. Maybe it is because I am a believer that gifts should, for the most part, be from the heart, and thoughtful, and I want my children to be grateful for what they have and what they are given, which is pretty hard when they have so many toys they don't even know what they have.
I have said this before, but it is a tradition that I am grateful my kids accept and willingly participate in, prior to each birthday and to Christmas, my kids go through all of their toys and fill a bag to donate. If they are acquiring new items, I feel like they need to get rid of the ones they no longer use. It has helped my kids understand there are some children that do not have as many toys as them. It has taught my children not to hold on to things they no longer use. It has helped cut down on the clutter that can be overwhelming when you have children.
The kids went through their toy boxes this weekend, and boy did it feel good to go donate things with them.
Off I go to take down the fall decorations and make way for snowmen and santas.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 31
Today was a mixed bag. There were so many waves of grief and emotion, and yet so many moments of gratitude and feelings of peace.
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.
In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.
But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.
There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.
I know, a deeply reflective post huh?
Sharon
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.
In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.
But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.
There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.
I know, a deeply reflective post huh?
Sharon
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Day 25 and 26
Boo.
Go ahead.
I know, these combined posts are getting old.
BUT in my defense, when I started this journey I said I wanted to soak up life, and well, my only explanation for why I haven't written a daily post is I have been doing EXACTLY that.
So please go easy on me. I swear I have been going non stop.
Day 25. Whoa. It kicked my butt. I have had a bit of a random surge in auditions (yes, I said auditions. I am slowly creeping my way back into "the biz.")
I actually had one on day 24. It is a funny story I will save for a day when I have not so much to talk about. I promise. Remind me if I forget.
Anyway, I got up before the sun on Day 25, cleaned the house, made my hair look nice (it's a job in itself kids!), got the kids up and ready, took Ty to school early for student council (how cute is it that he is on the student council?!?! He is on the "spirit committee", and yes I will make side notes on most things, because even though I've tried, I can't shorten things too much. It just isn't me.), got Nate in the bus, brought my two babies to my grandma's house, headed into Boston for an audition for a t.v. show (it was fun, the casting director seemed to like me), drove back to get my two babies, made it home with two minutes to spare before Nate came home, changed into different clothes for audition numero dos, had my amazing friend come over to watch the kids, read off a teleprompter (for the first time EVER! Scary, but so cool!) did really well (but totally outside of what I am used to doing) flied home, picked up Ty early from school, went to my mom's work to drop off the kids with her, drove back into Boston (this time with Nate, who was auditioning for the same t.v. show I did,), drove to my mom's house, had dinner with my family, made it home by 7, Nathan came home shortly after with his brother, and brother's girlfriend, and we all hung out until 10/1030. Then, well can you guess what happened then?
I freaking crashed.
Big time.
With no school today, on Day 26, I was hoping to sleep in a bit, or even get up before the kids and do nothing but catch up on my DVR, which keeps threatening to erase my shows because I haven't watched them since September, but of course that was not the case.
What happened instead was planning my grocery list, a necessary bath after one child covered herself in marker and cracker and chocolate milk, and another had, hmm a not very pretty accident due to an upset stomach. I followed that up with two full hours of grocery shopping. And up next? more raking!
But we'll all be outside, and I will feel accomplished, and the kids will love me for giving them huge piles to jump in.
Maybe I'll jump in too.
Just once.
Because you are never too old to do a cannonball in a huge pile of leaves.
A very special thank you to all the veteran's past and present.
I am so grateful for your service, bravery, and selflessness.
Thank you for keeping us all safe.
Happy Veteran's Day!
Go ahead.
I know, these combined posts are getting old.
BUT in my defense, when I started this journey I said I wanted to soak up life, and well, my only explanation for why I haven't written a daily post is I have been doing EXACTLY that.
So please go easy on me. I swear I have been going non stop.
Day 25. Whoa. It kicked my butt. I have had a bit of a random surge in auditions (yes, I said auditions. I am slowly creeping my way back into "the biz.")
I actually had one on day 24. It is a funny story I will save for a day when I have not so much to talk about. I promise. Remind me if I forget.
Anyway, I got up before the sun on Day 25, cleaned the house, made my hair look nice (it's a job in itself kids!), got the kids up and ready, took Ty to school early for student council (how cute is it that he is on the student council?!?! He is on the "spirit committee", and yes I will make side notes on most things, because even though I've tried, I can't shorten things too much. It just isn't me.), got Nate in the bus, brought my two babies to my grandma's house, headed into Boston for an audition for a t.v. show (it was fun, the casting director seemed to like me), drove back to get my two babies, made it home with two minutes to spare before Nate came home, changed into different clothes for audition numero dos, had my amazing friend come over to watch the kids, read off a teleprompter (for the first time EVER! Scary, but so cool!) did really well (but totally outside of what I am used to doing) flied home, picked up Ty early from school, went to my mom's work to drop off the kids with her, drove back into Boston (this time with Nate, who was auditioning for the same t.v. show I did,), drove to my mom's house, had dinner with my family, made it home by 7, Nathan came home shortly after with his brother, and brother's girlfriend, and we all hung out until 10/1030. Then, well can you guess what happened then?
I freaking crashed.
Big time.
With no school today, on Day 26, I was hoping to sleep in a bit, or even get up before the kids and do nothing but catch up on my DVR, which keeps threatening to erase my shows because I haven't watched them since September, but of course that was not the case.
What happened instead was planning my grocery list, a necessary bath after one child covered herself in marker and cracker and chocolate milk, and another had, hmm a not very pretty accident due to an upset stomach. I followed that up with two full hours of grocery shopping. And up next? more raking!
But we'll all be outside, and I will feel accomplished, and the kids will love me for giving them huge piles to jump in.
Maybe I'll jump in too.
Just once.
Because you are never too old to do a cannonball in a huge pile of leaves.
A very special thank you to all the veteran's past and present.
I am so grateful for your service, bravery, and selflessness.
Thank you for keeping us all safe.
Happy Veteran's Day!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Day 23 and 24
Rainy days are here again. Now if only the rain and wind would knock down the rest of the leaves so I can do a final raking and be done with it!
I have nothing life changing or really very interesting to write about.
Nothing new or exciting.
Kind of a bummer huh?
Not really what you came here for.
I've been doing a lot of cleaning, putting away, and throwing away.
I am still in shock that the holidays are breathing down my neck.
Stop doing that holidays, it really creeps me out.
Speaking of creeping me out,
Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Spooky World? I don't even think it is called that anymore. Anyway, it was this big haunted everything place, haunted hayride, haunted house, etc.
I went with a bunch of my girlfriends when we were younger, maybe in middle school, or freshman? I am not one who really relishes in scare tactics. I have an overactive imagination. Even though I know it is fake, it still gets to me.
Maybe I have a super sensitive fight or flight response.
Anyway, after being tortured on the hayride, in which I am pretty sure I repeatedly kicked whatever masked person was pretending to grab my leg, and crying the rest of the way to the haunted house, I some how was convinced I could handle going through the stupid thing, which was obviously not true in the least bit.
I ended up frozen in fear, hearing my friends scream and laugh at whatever lurked around the corner, which I was positive was absolutely the death of me. Being the resourceful scaredy cat that I am, when the next normal, alive person came by I immediately grabbed them and pulled them on either side of me as my shields. These people happened to be a young couple, maybe in their twenties. They were good sports, although I am sure the girl wasn't so happy I was burying my face and screaming into her boyfriend's back. But I was shaking, and hysterical, and clearly about to have a heart attack, so they took pity on me. I did crouch in corners when I could see someone lurking in the distance, waiting for us, and pulled them right in front of me, refusing to let them leave me. Eventually they dragged me to the end.
That poor couple.
So I get creeped out fairly easily.
It is also why I am both fascinated and horrified by the show Criminal Minds. I can't stop watching, but my poor children have undoubtedly suffered from the excessive stranger danger I have learned.
And that was your lesson in the neurosis of Nicole for the day.
You're welcome for the knowledge that you are now significantly more normal than I am.
I have nothing life changing or really very interesting to write about.
Nothing new or exciting.
Kind of a bummer huh?
Not really what you came here for.
I've been doing a lot of cleaning, putting away, and throwing away.
I am still in shock that the holidays are breathing down my neck.
Stop doing that holidays, it really creeps me out.
Speaking of creeping me out,
Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Spooky World? I don't even think it is called that anymore. Anyway, it was this big haunted everything place, haunted hayride, haunted house, etc.
I went with a bunch of my girlfriends when we were younger, maybe in middle school, or freshman? I am not one who really relishes in scare tactics. I have an overactive imagination. Even though I know it is fake, it still gets to me.
Maybe I have a super sensitive fight or flight response.
Anyway, after being tortured on the hayride, in which I am pretty sure I repeatedly kicked whatever masked person was pretending to grab my leg, and crying the rest of the way to the haunted house, I some how was convinced I could handle going through the stupid thing, which was obviously not true in the least bit.
I ended up frozen in fear, hearing my friends scream and laugh at whatever lurked around the corner, which I was positive was absolutely the death of me. Being the resourceful scaredy cat that I am, when the next normal, alive person came by I immediately grabbed them and pulled them on either side of me as my shields. These people happened to be a young couple, maybe in their twenties. They were good sports, although I am sure the girl wasn't so happy I was burying my face and screaming into her boyfriend's back. But I was shaking, and hysterical, and clearly about to have a heart attack, so they took pity on me. I did crouch in corners when I could see someone lurking in the distance, waiting for us, and pulled them right in front of me, refusing to let them leave me. Eventually they dragged me to the end.
That poor couple.
So I get creeped out fairly easily.
It is also why I am both fascinated and horrified by the show Criminal Minds. I can't stop watching, but my poor children have undoubtedly suffered from the excessive stranger danger I have learned.
And that was your lesson in the neurosis of Nicole for the day.
You're welcome for the knowledge that you are now significantly more normal than I am.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day 19
Yesterday was a day of recovery for me. Recovering from a tough day before, getting a grip on emotions, sorting through them all.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't do a whole lot yesterday. My day consisted of the rainy day dragging of my feet. I managed to do some laundry and to do the dishes, but my willpower just wasn't there. I much preferred curling up with the kids and watching some t.v. and reading some good books. If only they enjoyed napping as much as I do...
I have been feeling slightly under the weather. I know my body is working hard to fight off the cold that has been circulating around the house. Some have gotten it worse than others. As it usually goes with illnesses in the house, I am the last to get it. So there's that to look forward to.
But maybe I'll get lucky.
Maybe the powers that be will know my plate is full.
Then again, there is the saying that you are never given more than you can handle. I guess I should be honored that I apparently I can handle a lot?
The day was a somewhat relaxing day. I really can't say there was anything too exciting, or out of the ordinary that occurred, but that is kind of nice, isn't it? A day of nothing?
Well then again, I don't think snuggling with my babies is nothing. I think it is kind of perfect.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't do a whole lot yesterday. My day consisted of the rainy day dragging of my feet. I managed to do some laundry and to do the dishes, but my willpower just wasn't there. I much preferred curling up with the kids and watching some t.v. and reading some good books. If only they enjoyed napping as much as I do...
I have been feeling slightly under the weather. I know my body is working hard to fight off the cold that has been circulating around the house. Some have gotten it worse than others. As it usually goes with illnesses in the house, I am the last to get it. So there's that to look forward to.
But maybe I'll get lucky.
Maybe the powers that be will know my plate is full.
Then again, there is the saying that you are never given more than you can handle. I guess I should be honored that I apparently I can handle a lot?
The day was a somewhat relaxing day. I really can't say there was anything too exciting, or out of the ordinary that occurred, but that is kind of nice, isn't it? A day of nothing?
Well then again, I don't think snuggling with my babies is nothing. I think it is kind of perfect.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Day 12
Oh Day 12, where to begin?
Well I will begin with something fantasmical.
Yeah I just used that word. It was that good.
This morning, after I woke up and got the older two boys off to school, I took a shower.
By myself.
With no children barging in.
Seriously.
For the first time in... gosh at least three years, I took a morning shower with not one child coming in, pulling the curtain back, screaming for me.
Holy mother of God, it was GLORIOUS!!!
I would have sung hymns if it weren't for fear of a baby investigating where the noise was coming from. Ha.
How did this happen? Well Nate's friend gave him this Handy Manny toy tool box that sings and makes the tools dance. Keira is obsessed. She parked herself in the toy room, with that tool box, and had Dora on for added insurance. Brody was still sleeping. I had the door half open (the toy room is across from the bathroom) and I just went for it. I know, rebellious of me, huh?
This folks, is one of the moments that reconfirm our decision to not have any more kids.
With so many of my friends, and people my age in general, just starting out having kids, it is sometimes hard to feel like I'm done. But the fact is, I started waaaaaay earlier. In fact, I was pregnant with Ty already this time ten years ago. (That deserved both italics and bold.) It amazed me how drastically my life has changed in these ten years. I have been a parent for ten whole years. A decade.
In my best Joey Lawrence voice, Whoa!
If you don't get that reference, we can't be friends. Sorry.
Oh Joey, how I loved you. I can't wait to see who Keira swears up and down she will marry one day. Fred Savage was my first real crush. Now good ol' Fred is the voice of Oswald. I hate Oswald. Keira loves Oswald. It's like things have come full circle.
Anyway, migraine gone this morning, I took a shower alone, had Brody's evaluation, got all my errands done, decided to go to the grocery store and buy the stuff for the master cleanse, played outside with all of the kids, raked my yard (again), saw Nathan for a brief few moments, and came in, cleaned the kids, and now am waiting to pick up Ty from his LAST football practice of the season.
Life is good today.
Well I will begin with something fantasmical.
Yeah I just used that word. It was that good.
This morning, after I woke up and got the older two boys off to school, I took a shower.
By myself.
With no children barging in.
Seriously.
For the first time in... gosh at least three years, I took a morning shower with not one child coming in, pulling the curtain back, screaming for me.
Holy mother of God, it was GLORIOUS!!!
I would have sung hymns if it weren't for fear of a baby investigating where the noise was coming from. Ha.
How did this happen? Well Nate's friend gave him this Handy Manny toy tool box that sings and makes the tools dance. Keira is obsessed. She parked herself in the toy room, with that tool box, and had Dora on for added insurance. Brody was still sleeping. I had the door half open (the toy room is across from the bathroom) and I just went for it. I know, rebellious of me, huh?
This folks, is one of the moments that reconfirm our decision to not have any more kids.
With so many of my friends, and people my age in general, just starting out having kids, it is sometimes hard to feel like I'm done. But the fact is, I started waaaaaay earlier. In fact, I was pregnant with Ty already this time ten years ago. (That deserved both italics and bold.) It amazed me how drastically my life has changed in these ten years. I have been a parent for ten whole years. A decade.
In my best Joey Lawrence voice, Whoa!
If you don't get that reference, we can't be friends. Sorry.
Oh Joey, how I loved you. I can't wait to see who Keira swears up and down she will marry one day. Fred Savage was my first real crush. Now good ol' Fred is the voice of Oswald. I hate Oswald. Keira loves Oswald. It's like things have come full circle.
Anyway, migraine gone this morning, I took a shower alone, had Brody's evaluation, got all my errands done, decided to go to the grocery store and buy the stuff for the master cleanse, played outside with all of the kids, raked my yard (again), saw Nathan for a brief few moments, and came in, cleaned the kids, and now am waiting to pick up Ty from his LAST football practice of the season.
Life is good today.
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