Valentine's Day.
Today was also Sharon's birthday.
It was also a day that Nathan came home from work because he was feeling really sick.
Needless to say (but I will say it anyway) it was a very hard day for the family. One year ago, we were all at Nathan's parents' house to celebrate Sharon's 56th birthday.
Nate woke up and wished me a Happy Valentine's Day, then followed it up with "mommy I am really sad today. Even sadder than normal because I miss Nana on her birthday."
During our Valentine's dinner (minus sick, sleeping Nathan) after each of us said our best and worst parts of the day, we also said one of our best memories of Sharon/Nana and something we loved about her.
I told Nate the day didn't need to be sad, we could miss her, but we can be grateful for the wonderful memories and times we had with her, and be happy in those memories and in the love she gave us.
It seemed to satisfy him for that moment.
And we made it through the day, Valentine's Day, Sharon's birthday, and I think that was a giant hurdle to clear.
Showing posts with label Sharon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sharon. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day 82
Day 82.
Today I ran for Sharon.
Let me rephrase that.
Today I ran in honor of Sharon. I ran so hopefully someday a wife isn't taken from her husband too soon, a mother isn't taken from her children, a grandmother from her grandchildren, a sister, daughter, friend isn't gone too early in their life. I ran so that someday we can live in a world where we don't have to see our loved ones suffer through this terrible disease, cancer. I ran so that hopefully Keira will not have to worry about living to see her children and grandchildren grow and live their lives. I ran because it is the one thing I can do, raise money to help the scientists and doctors and trials to combat this disease. I ran so that someday no family will have to go through what Nathan's family has. I ran because I care so deeply about this, and because the hole Sharon has left is vast and deep.
82 days since I made this vow not to take for granted this life, this daily gift we are given.
82 days since I vowed to soak up the world around me.
I could not think of anything better to do than to spend this 82nd day running for Sharon.
I was lucky enough to have my best friend run with me today.
I am not exactly why running photos distort legs so much.
This was probably me saying I had no idea where Kerrie was.
Oh there she is! Great job Kerrie!!
Ty was there cheering me on. Okay he was actually there saying mom, be faster. *I finished under 30 minutes, I'd say that is decent*
My mom was also there to cheer me on. Thanks mom, I love you!!!!
Ty, me and my brother, Travis
Today I ran for Sharon.
Let me rephrase that.
Today I ran in honor of Sharon. I ran so hopefully someday a wife isn't taken from her husband too soon, a mother isn't taken from her children, a grandmother from her grandchildren, a sister, daughter, friend isn't gone too early in their life. I ran so that someday we can live in a world where we don't have to see our loved ones suffer through this terrible disease, cancer. I ran so that hopefully Keira will not have to worry about living to see her children and grandchildren grow and live their lives. I ran because it is the one thing I can do, raise money to help the scientists and doctors and trials to combat this disease. I ran so that someday no family will have to go through what Nathan's family has. I ran because I care so deeply about this, and because the hole Sharon has left is vast and deep.
82 days since I made this vow not to take for granted this life, this daily gift we are given.
82 days since I vowed to soak up the world around me.
I could not think of anything better to do than to spend this 82nd day running for Sharon.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Day 65 and 66
The time is here!
We visited Santa.
We baked a gazillion and two cookies.
We decorated the cookies with royal icing and sprinkles.
We, okay I wrapped presents... all of them! (Three hours later...)
I crocheted my first hat! (It was supposed to be for an adult, but I crocheted too tightley and it ended up being smaler, but just perfect for Keira.)
I crocheted my second hat. (Voila! I did it, in less that four hours this time!)
We've had two playdates.
We, (okay I again), have stood in lines to get that last minute, oh my god I can't believe we forgot that, gift.
We have gone through toys, donated, and organized toy boxes to make room for the onslaught of new goodies.
We have kissed Nana's (Sharon's) picture many many times, and talked about how much she loved the holidays.
We have put one foot in front of the other and made a solid effort to have a Christmas, when deep down the family is hurting so very much.
We visited Santa.
We baked a gazillion and two cookies.
We decorated the cookies with royal icing and sprinkles.
We, okay I wrapped presents... all of them! (Three hours later...)
I crocheted my first hat! (It was supposed to be for an adult, but I crocheted too tightley and it ended up being smaler, but just perfect for Keira.)
I crocheted my second hat. (Voila! I did it, in less that four hours this time!)
We've had two playdates.
We, (okay I again), have stood in lines to get that last minute, oh my god I can't believe we forgot that, gift.
We have gone through toys, donated, and organized toy boxes to make room for the onslaught of new goodies.
We have kissed Nana's (Sharon's) picture many many times, and talked about how much she loved the holidays.
We have put one foot in front of the other and made a solid effort to have a Christmas, when deep down the family is hurting so very much.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Days 36 and 37
After a very emotional, and tough couple of days, Nathan and I made the decision to stay in on Sunday. We had been going non stop, trucking the kids from place to place, and we were due for some much needed time together.
I'm glad we did that. It was a good choice. Sometimes there is nothing better than staying in the house, and being together to regroup.
With the short school week, the kids had no problem getting going for school on Monday (thankfully), and I was able to get a good amount of housework done.
I wish I could say there was something more exciting that happened. There wasn't. I have been utterly exhausted. I have been emotionally eating my heart out. I have been super sensitive. I have my period. (Sorry Dad.)
With my own craziness aside, I am so grateful for all of the help we had this weekend with the children. To those who helped out, you know who you are, your selflessness and courage (because it takes one courageous person to step up to watching all of my kids) means so very much to me. To not have to worry about how they were doing during the services is worth its weight in gold.
Thank you.
To the family and friends who were so supportive, offering kind words, condolences, sending cards, and special gifts, thank you. Support is crucial, and I am blown away by the love and kindness that came our way.
To the few who called and checked in this whole time, to you brave women who spent countless time through the past six weeks being everything a friend could and should be and more, for being my shoulder to cry on, to you I want to say, I will never forget this.
Seeing Sharon's best friends, watching them take part in her funeral service, was one of the most touching things I witnessed. I watched her friends prepare her house, step up to be the hostesses in their friend's absence, and clean everything so Bob wouldn't have to worry about any of it. I couldn't help but think of my friends the whole time I observed them. My heart ached for them, for their loss of a best friend. SO again, to my friends, who were so supportive this whole time, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm glad we did that. It was a good choice. Sometimes there is nothing better than staying in the house, and being together to regroup.
With the short school week, the kids had no problem getting going for school on Monday (thankfully), and I was able to get a good amount of housework done.
I wish I could say there was something more exciting that happened. There wasn't. I have been utterly exhausted. I have been emotionally eating my heart out. I have been super sensitive. I have my period. (Sorry Dad.)
With my own craziness aside, I am so grateful for all of the help we had this weekend with the children. To those who helped out, you know who you are, your selflessness and courage (because it takes one courageous person to step up to watching all of my kids) means so very much to me. To not have to worry about how they were doing during the services is worth its weight in gold.
Thank you.
To the family and friends who were so supportive, offering kind words, condolences, sending cards, and special gifts, thank you. Support is crucial, and I am blown away by the love and kindness that came our way.
To the few who called and checked in this whole time, to you brave women who spent countless time through the past six weeks being everything a friend could and should be and more, for being my shoulder to cry on, to you I want to say, I will never forget this.
Seeing Sharon's best friends, watching them take part in her funeral service, was one of the most touching things I witnessed. I watched her friends prepare her house, step up to be the hostesses in their friend's absence, and clean everything so Bob wouldn't have to worry about any of it. I couldn't help but think of my friends the whole time I observed them. My heart ached for them, for their loss of a best friend. SO again, to my friends, who were so supportive this whole time, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day 33
Day 33. I am beyond grateful for the selflessness of friends who offer to watch my children at a moments notice.
Truth be told, the feelings of having to rely on friends, when in the past I was able to call Sharon and have her help me out, well they were difficult to say the least.
Nate performed in a Thanksgiving presentation with his class, and it was wonderful. He did such a fantastic job. I am grateful I was able to watch and not juggle Brody and Keira. Undivided attention is rare for me.
After school, and after the kids did their homework we headed to dinner to be with Nathan's whole family. It was hard being in the house without Sharon. She was such a lively, active participant in her family.
We stayed for a long time. It was way past the children's bedtimes, but it was okay. It was good to be together.
The next two days, I will not be posting. Days 34 and 35 will be left for mourning, and silence, for Sharon, and for all of the other men, women and children who have passed away due to, or are still battling every kind of cancer.
To the families of those who are battling, or have already lost loved ones to this disease, my thoughts are with you.
Truth be told, the feelings of having to rely on friends, when in the past I was able to call Sharon and have her help me out, well they were difficult to say the least.
Nate performed in a Thanksgiving presentation with his class, and it was wonderful. He did such a fantastic job. I am grateful I was able to watch and not juggle Brody and Keira. Undivided attention is rare for me.
After school, and after the kids did their homework we headed to dinner to be with Nathan's whole family. It was hard being in the house without Sharon. She was such a lively, active participant in her family.
We stayed for a long time. It was way past the children's bedtimes, but it was okay. It was good to be together.
The next two days, I will not be posting. Days 34 and 35 will be left for mourning, and silence, for Sharon, and for all of the other men, women and children who have passed away due to, or are still battling every kind of cancer.
To the families of those who are battling, or have already lost loved ones to this disease, my thoughts are with you.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Day 32
Each day at this point is met with moments of heartache, but life is moving. It is moving slowly, and with some sort of guilt for moving on at all, but it must.
Shock is still ever present, and as I said before, I am quite sure it will be for some time.
In the effort of moving forward, today, because I figure my posts may be depressing and sad, I am making an effort to lighten the mood with a couple of photos of our new addition.
Internet, meet Bella.
Bella loves Keira's kitten.
Bella is a 12 week old siamese-tiger cat mix. She has pretty blue eyes, and she fits in with our family perfectly.
Shock is still ever present, and as I said before, I am quite sure it will be for some time.
In the effort of moving forward, today, because I figure my posts may be depressing and sad, I am making an effort to lighten the mood with a couple of photos of our new addition.
Internet, meet Bella.
Bella loves Keira's kitten.
Bella is a 12 week old siamese-tiger cat mix. She has pretty blue eyes, and she fits in with our family perfectly.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 31
Today was a mixed bag. There were so many waves of grief and emotion, and yet so many moments of gratitude and feelings of peace.
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.
In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.
But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.
There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.
I know, a deeply reflective post huh?
Sharon
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.
In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.
But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.
There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.
I know, a deeply reflective post huh?
Sharon
Monday, November 15, 2010
Day 30, In rememberance.
It has been thirty days since I made a deeply conscious decision to live out my days to their absolute fullest.
I will now tell you why.
Two weeks prior to Nate's birthday, our family's world was shaken to it's core. My mother in law was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She had fought breast cancer twice already in her life, and came out triumphant both times.
This time the bad news about the extent of how far the cancer had spread and complications from the cancer seemed to just get worse with each day.
Sharon was admitted into the hospital about four weeks ago, and she unfortunately never returned home.
I am saddened to say she lost her battle with this horrible disease.
Sharon passed away today, Monday November 15, 2010.
She was 56 years young.
Dear Sharon,
I am still in a state of shock over this all. It all happened so quickly. There is so much to say, and it is hard to know where to begin.
For the past eight years our relationship has grown, blossomed, changed, and at times has been rocky. Although as far as a mother in law goes, I think it has been better than most.
I have seen your love for your family, and Sharon, there is no one in this world that could ever doubt that. You gave them everything you could, you loved them unconditionally, you were a friend to them, and a comfort to them when they needed it most. When I was having a trying day with my own kids, you would always say "oh honey I have been there, I know exactly what you are going through."
And the thing is Sharon, I knew that you did know exactly what I was going through. Because you made it through those trying years of raising three boys and a girl, you always gave me the confidence that I too will make it through.
You taught me many things. You taught me to garden, and to sew. You taught me little household remedies. You lent your cooking expertise more times than I could count.
You provided for our family in more ways than I could ever possibly say, and I hope you always felt that gratitude.
Sharon you were an example at enjoying life. Your parties were always filled with laughter and love, and boy did you know how to throw a party! If one were to take a snapshot of you during one of your many festivities, I would say it would be you, surrounded by friends, a glass of wine in hand, and a big smile on your face.
Sharon, I want you to know, I will make sure your grandchildren will always know you, and know how much you love them.
You treated Tyler like one of your own grandchildren from the very beginning. That is something I am forever grateful for. He never felt anything but love and acceptance from you. he loved talking to you about sports. He will miss his Nana so very much.
I know how much Nate reminded you of Nathan. He loves you more than you know. He looked forward to your special dates with him. He loved playing checkers and dominoes with you, and hearing all of your funny jokes and stories.
Even though Brody is young, he misses you already. I am so glad Brody was able to have special time with you, and have sleepovers with you. I will always think of him giggling with you, and the way you looked at him like he was a beautiful gift.
Oh and Keira. Sharon I am so so so glad you were able to meet your only granddaughter. Keira knows you. She has been kissing your picture every night. She will have so many beautiful things that we can tell her you brought her from some wonderful place you traveled to. And she thankfully inherited your gorgeous skin color, a wonderful gift you gave her right there!
Sharon, that is the hardest part for me. I am sad you won't be there to celebrate those large milestones with your grandchildren. You were a wonderful Nana, and I mourn for the children, and the absence that will be felt during those times. I know you will be looking down, smiling though. I know you are and will continue to be so proud of them.
I am sad you will not be able to be a part of my wedding. I know, again you will be there in spirit, but it was something I looked forward to planning with you. I know how excited you were for it.
Sharon, you leave behind so many people whose lives you have touched deeply. You are one of a kind.
I have never seen two people more in love than you and Bob. You two embodied the term soul mates. Your love and devotion to each other is something every person strives for, but few actually obtain. I know those around you two were well aware of just how special your relationship was. Though you may not have been aware, he was by your side to the very end, Sharon.
Nathan writes to you every day. I am sure you now know that. You were his world Sharon. A son could not love his mother more than Nathan loves you.
Sharon, you were taken from this world too soon. That feeling of injustice will more than likely remain for quite some time. But we know. I know, you are finally at peace. You are with your dad, and you are no longer in pain. You are smiling down on us all, and watching over us. I know you will still be present, and will find a way to comfort your loved ones even now. I will see you in every beautiful garden, in your children, and in your grandchildren.
You may be gone from this world, but Sharon, you will not be forgotten.
You have left quite a footprint.
I love you, may you rest in peace.
I will now tell you why.
Two weeks prior to Nate's birthday, our family's world was shaken to it's core. My mother in law was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She had fought breast cancer twice already in her life, and came out triumphant both times.
This time the bad news about the extent of how far the cancer had spread and complications from the cancer seemed to just get worse with each day.
Sharon was admitted into the hospital about four weeks ago, and she unfortunately never returned home.
I am saddened to say she lost her battle with this horrible disease.
Sharon passed away today, Monday November 15, 2010.
She was 56 years young.
Dear Sharon,
I am still in a state of shock over this all. It all happened so quickly. There is so much to say, and it is hard to know where to begin.
For the past eight years our relationship has grown, blossomed, changed, and at times has been rocky. Although as far as a mother in law goes, I think it has been better than most.
I have seen your love for your family, and Sharon, there is no one in this world that could ever doubt that. You gave them everything you could, you loved them unconditionally, you were a friend to them, and a comfort to them when they needed it most. When I was having a trying day with my own kids, you would always say "oh honey I have been there, I know exactly what you are going through."
And the thing is Sharon, I knew that you did know exactly what I was going through. Because you made it through those trying years of raising three boys and a girl, you always gave me the confidence that I too will make it through.
You taught me many things. You taught me to garden, and to sew. You taught me little household remedies. You lent your cooking expertise more times than I could count.
You provided for our family in more ways than I could ever possibly say, and I hope you always felt that gratitude.
Sharon you were an example at enjoying life. Your parties were always filled with laughter and love, and boy did you know how to throw a party! If one were to take a snapshot of you during one of your many festivities, I would say it would be you, surrounded by friends, a glass of wine in hand, and a big smile on your face.
Sharon, I want you to know, I will make sure your grandchildren will always know you, and know how much you love them.
You treated Tyler like one of your own grandchildren from the very beginning. That is something I am forever grateful for. He never felt anything but love and acceptance from you. he loved talking to you about sports. He will miss his Nana so very much.
I know how much Nate reminded you of Nathan. He loves you more than you know. He looked forward to your special dates with him. He loved playing checkers and dominoes with you, and hearing all of your funny jokes and stories.
Even though Brody is young, he misses you already. I am so glad Brody was able to have special time with you, and have sleepovers with you. I will always think of him giggling with you, and the way you looked at him like he was a beautiful gift.
Oh and Keira. Sharon I am so so so glad you were able to meet your only granddaughter. Keira knows you. She has been kissing your picture every night. She will have so many beautiful things that we can tell her you brought her from some wonderful place you traveled to. And she thankfully inherited your gorgeous skin color, a wonderful gift you gave her right there!
Sharon, that is the hardest part for me. I am sad you won't be there to celebrate those large milestones with your grandchildren. You were a wonderful Nana, and I mourn for the children, and the absence that will be felt during those times. I know you will be looking down, smiling though. I know you are and will continue to be so proud of them.
I am sad you will not be able to be a part of my wedding. I know, again you will be there in spirit, but it was something I looked forward to planning with you. I know how excited you were for it.
Sharon, you leave behind so many people whose lives you have touched deeply. You are one of a kind.
I have never seen two people more in love than you and Bob. You two embodied the term soul mates. Your love and devotion to each other is something every person strives for, but few actually obtain. I know those around you two were well aware of just how special your relationship was. Though you may not have been aware, he was by your side to the very end, Sharon.
Nathan writes to you every day. I am sure you now know that. You were his world Sharon. A son could not love his mother more than Nathan loves you.
Sharon, you were taken from this world too soon. That feeling of injustice will more than likely remain for quite some time. But we know. I know, you are finally at peace. You are with your dad, and you are no longer in pain. You are smiling down on us all, and watching over us. I know you will still be present, and will find a way to comfort your loved ones even now. I will see you in every beautiful garden, in your children, and in your grandchildren.
You may be gone from this world, but Sharon, you will not be forgotten.
You have left quite a footprint.
I love you, may you rest in peace.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Day 21 and Day 22
This is a smushed together kind of post. I had yet to write Day 21, and then today happened, and I can't even remember Day 21.
Funny how those things happen.
There I was on Day 21 all bent out of shape because the worst thing going on in Nicole world was, (as the trend seems to go every year, so it shouldn't have really surprised me) that I had almost no rsvp-ers to Brody's party next weekend. It is a beyond major pet peeve of mine, because I hate tracking people down. It's not even an issue of coming or not, just puh-leeeease let me know so I can plan. (That ends my rant.)
That was yesterday.
Today is today.
Today started off nice. My kids surprisingly slept until 7am, which is actually 8am, so I count that as sleeping in.
I had an audition early this morning, so I dropped the kids off at my mom's.
Audition went well, although I am not holding my breath.
We spent the rest of the day at my mom's, because my family was celebrating two of my aunt's birthdays this evening. It made more sense to stay and hang out, than to drive back and forth all day.
We had fun today. We went about our day, spending it with family and having fun.
Unfortunately I received an upsetting phone call mid gift opening that changed everything.
How does one prepare for bad news? We have been somewhat prepared and have been prepping the kids as best as we could, but it seemed tonight that we all broke in some way or another. How does one properly say goodbye to another human?
I have dealt with death before. I have dealt with the death of very close loved ones. Is it harder because I am dealing with this as well as helping my children cope? And being a support system for Nathan?
It is hard to feel so many different emotions all at once, and to want to grieve as well as be a comfort.
So that is where I am tonight.
I should add, I made an emergency grocery store trip to pick up a few essentials to get us through the week. I did this after quite a bit of crying. I had to ask Ty if I looked sane enough to even enter the grocery store.
When we all got home tonight I helped the kids write letters to express their sadness. They also drew pictures.
I can not express enough how great of an impact this has had on my life, as well as my outlook in general.
Again, when I am ready, and when it is appropriate, I will speak more about this.
Funny how those things happen.
There I was on Day 21 all bent out of shape because the worst thing going on in Nicole world was, (as the trend seems to go every year, so it shouldn't have really surprised me) that I had almost no rsvp-ers to Brody's party next weekend. It is a beyond major pet peeve of mine, because I hate tracking people down. It's not even an issue of coming or not, just puh-leeeease let me know so I can plan. (That ends my rant.)
That was yesterday.
Today is today.
Today started off nice. My kids surprisingly slept until 7am, which is actually 8am, so I count that as sleeping in.
I had an audition early this morning, so I dropped the kids off at my mom's.
Audition went well, although I am not holding my breath.
We spent the rest of the day at my mom's, because my family was celebrating two of my aunt's birthdays this evening. It made more sense to stay and hang out, than to drive back and forth all day.
We had fun today. We went about our day, spending it with family and having fun.
Unfortunately I received an upsetting phone call mid gift opening that changed everything.
How does one prepare for bad news? We have been somewhat prepared and have been prepping the kids as best as we could, but it seemed tonight that we all broke in some way or another. How does one properly say goodbye to another human?
I have dealt with death before. I have dealt with the death of very close loved ones. Is it harder because I am dealing with this as well as helping my children cope? And being a support system for Nathan?
It is hard to feel so many different emotions all at once, and to want to grieve as well as be a comfort.
So that is where I am tonight.
I should add, I made an emergency grocery store trip to pick up a few essentials to get us through the week. I did this after quite a bit of crying. I had to ask Ty if I looked sane enough to even enter the grocery store.
When we all got home tonight I helped the kids write letters to express their sadness. They also drew pictures.
I can not express enough how great of an impact this has had on my life, as well as my outlook in general.
Again, when I am ready, and when it is appropriate, I will speak more about this.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
A Promise
Today has been an emotional day in my family. It has caused me to do a lot of thinking. Thinking that makes me take a good hard look at myself. Thinking that makes me take a good look at my own goals, at my footprint on this world, and on my relationships with those around me.
I can't say the cause of all this thinking was something great, because it wasn't. It is something extremely difficult and sad and it is not something I am going to go into on here.
Here is what I will say though, I will tell you again how much today's occurrences have made me look inward and contemplate life. I guess here is what is weighing heavily on not just my heart, but deep into my soul; no one knows how long they have on this Earth, with those you love. For some it is all over in the blink of an eye, without warning. For some life is long and well lived. For some, you are given a time frame. What would you do in that time frame? What would I do, if tomorrow I was given a year to live?
It makes me question the days I have already had. Most people don't know what days are their "last days" if you will. Would I be satisfied if it all ended for me next week? Or would I wish I had played outside with the kids a little bit longer, or read that story one more time, or made more of an effort to go out with Nathan, or spent more time with family.
It is a lot to take in. It is hard to look at yourself that way, and to wonder if you made the most out of your time given. Let me level with you here, even writing this, now, is difficult for me, and I would be lying if I told you I wasn't choked up.
So here it is. My promise to myself. My promise for you to hold me to, to keep me accountable to.
I am going to live each day. No exceptions. I am going to do the things I want to do, and experience all there is to experience. I am going to make sure that I do not take advantage of my time on Earth. For one year, one solid year, I will keep track of that here. It has been said anything can become a habit in 3 weeks. Well I certainly hope 52 weeks will not be a habit, but a life changing event that rocks me to my core. I promise to be grateful for each and every second. I know that life is not all puppy dogs and rainbows, and I am well aware that some days are going to be harder than others to get motivated and soak up life. There is too much for me to learn and so much growing I have to do, so many more memories to make, so much more to experience. I want my children to be filled with memories and feelings and stories to pass on to their children some day. I want to know I made the most of this life, and my time. I want to make an impact, and leave a lasting footprint.
So for tonight I will reflect some more, because it is okay to be sad, and I am sad right now, but I am going to let that sadness be the catalyst for this next journey I will begin. Tomorrow I will wake up with new eyes, and that fire in my core burning a bit stronger.
I can't say the cause of all this thinking was something great, because it wasn't. It is something extremely difficult and sad and it is not something I am going to go into on here.
Here is what I will say though, I will tell you again how much today's occurrences have made me look inward and contemplate life. I guess here is what is weighing heavily on not just my heart, but deep into my soul; no one knows how long they have on this Earth, with those you love. For some it is all over in the blink of an eye, without warning. For some life is long and well lived. For some, you are given a time frame. What would you do in that time frame? What would I do, if tomorrow I was given a year to live?
It makes me question the days I have already had. Most people don't know what days are their "last days" if you will. Would I be satisfied if it all ended for me next week? Or would I wish I had played outside with the kids a little bit longer, or read that story one more time, or made more of an effort to go out with Nathan, or spent more time with family.
It is a lot to take in. It is hard to look at yourself that way, and to wonder if you made the most out of your time given. Let me level with you here, even writing this, now, is difficult for me, and I would be lying if I told you I wasn't choked up.
So here it is. My promise to myself. My promise for you to hold me to, to keep me accountable to.
I am going to live each day. No exceptions. I am going to do the things I want to do, and experience all there is to experience. I am going to make sure that I do not take advantage of my time on Earth. For one year, one solid year, I will keep track of that here. It has been said anything can become a habit in 3 weeks. Well I certainly hope 52 weeks will not be a habit, but a life changing event that rocks me to my core. I promise to be grateful for each and every second. I know that life is not all puppy dogs and rainbows, and I am well aware that some days are going to be harder than others to get motivated and soak up life. There is too much for me to learn and so much growing I have to do, so many more memories to make, so much more to experience. I want my children to be filled with memories and feelings and stories to pass on to their children some day. I want to know I made the most of this life, and my time. I want to make an impact, and leave a lasting footprint.
So for tonight I will reflect some more, because it is okay to be sad, and I am sad right now, but I am going to let that sadness be the catalyst for this next journey I will begin. Tomorrow I will wake up with new eyes, and that fire in my core burning a bit stronger.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Somber
~ Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break. ~
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Family Vacation NH Pictures
Keira sleeping in her crib while I packed.
Brody covered in chocolate pudding and boogers.
Keira adorned with her rings. Brody thinks they should be anklets.
Heaven on earth. Brody asleep finally, on our way up.
Nate and Ty thought it would be funny if they posed as Alice.
The moment Brody realized the ride was not fun anymore.
In the pumpkin.
On the pirate ship.
On the carousel.
The Bamboo Chute.
Mid make-up.
Nathan was happy he got to rest while they got their faces painted.
The finished products. Ty was a pirate, Nate was a red dragon, but we thought Nate looked more like the devil.
In the sprinkler park.
Obligatory photo op.
Antique car rides.
Okay, we couldn't resist. Keira naked on the bear skin rug.
The boys at breakfast.
Nate with his boomerang, he bought it himself.
The condo.
The view from the condo. Truly amazing.
Investigating Jackson Falls.
Brody was so happy here. He wanted to explore everything.
Isn't it pretty?
Random Jackson Falls pictures.
Trying to get a picture in one of my favorite spots.
Splashing with Nana.
Brody and Daddy exploring.
My boys.
More random Jackson Falls pictures.
Brody, covered in ice cream on the way home.
Keira love standing. She reminds me of Nate, because he was like that.
Standing on her own at 3 1/2 months!!! (ok, ok, she was leaning against my legs, but doesn'tit look like she's standing on her own???)
My baby girl dod so well!
Keira found her feet, and now she never lets go of them.
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