My Last Post Pre-Keira

I am currently procrastinating doing the laundry and dishes and basic cleaning. I have gone to storytime, been doing homework with Ty, and went to pick up my belly bandit (preggo women I will let you know the results!) and am now home for the night... well minus a quick trip to buy some more diapers, unless Nathan will so graciously agree to get them for me on the way home.
I wish I could say that today has been fun filled and relaxing, but alas it has not. The kids have been cranky and uncooperative, which has put me in a perpetual ball of stress. Besides my many worries about how Brody will handle the next two days, I am actually looking forward to a semi-break in the hospital. I have been having contractions again and am willing them to stop with all my might. A wrench in my well crafted and precise plan will not be welcome. Thankfully Nathan's mom made me aware of an early Red Sox game tomorrow so the plan as of now is once I call the hospital and get the green light to head in, my mom will be coming over (say 615ish?) and will be here for the kids, see Ty off to school, wait for Brody and Nate to wake up, feed them, get them dressed, etc and take them over to her house. When Nathan's mom is done with her appointment in the morning, she will pick up the boys from my mom and will take them to her house. My mom will then head into the hospital. This way, if I go quickly and things progress fast, I will not be there with Nathan stuck in traffic, etc. This ensures he is with me, that the kids don't have to wake up extra early and that I don't have to worry about who is with who and when and where. If I have her early, then Nathan's mom and dad will get Ty and bring him into the hospital with the boys and when the boys are done with their visit, Nathan can take them home and they can all relax for the night. If I haven't had her early, same scenario, it just will happen later.
How am I feeling? Why thank you so much for asking! I am nervous as hell! I am emotional about leaving Brody. Okay, scratch that, I am SUPER emotional and anxious about leaving Brody. I know he will ultimately be fine, and it is a blink of an eye in his life span, but I can not help feeling like I am doing some sort of emotional damage and scarring him for life. Brody is still my baby. I have said it many times, I am NOT ready to part with that attachment yet. Every time I look at him today I feel like I get choked up. I have gone through this three times and I still can't picture it this time around. I know it's happening, I know there will be a baby here, but I just can not get my brain to but that into a reality. I am not really scared of the labor or delivery. In fact, I love that part because it is so unique and such a (cheese alert) miraculous event and it is so special and personal for each child. I (again I am repeating things I have said before) believe that each birth story says more about that child than you can ever realize at the time.
And as for my baby Keira... my little girl who I never in a million years thought I would have, to you I have to say I am still in fascination of your existence. I am going to ask your forgiveness now if I treat you like a doll and dress you up. Please understand for eight years I have not been able to do that for a girl and have only enviously glanced at "that" section of the clothing stores. Also, I apologize now it you do not like having your hair (please have SOME) played with, because if you don't, you have been cursed before birth with a mother who loves to experiment with hair. I love you so much already and despite you coming as quite a surprise, you are a beautiful, welcome surprise who will only increase the love in this family. You were always meant to be, and I believe that with all of my heart. I may not have always known that, but I believe it. You will have so many men, your father and brothers, who will always be around to protect and look after you, which I'm sure at times you may not appreciate, but I hope you know how lucky that makes you. You in turn will be able to teach your brothers so much about girls and add that soft edge that I'm sure they will need. Oh, and THANK YOU for being here so I am not the only female in this house. I look forward to being able to have someone to watch Disney Princess movies with. Your brothers have not enjoyed them when I have forced them to watch them with me in the past. I hope you know, even though I'm sure your father will be beyond over protective of you (he wanted your middle name to be Baby, so he had a reason to always call you his baby... your welcome for putting my foot down on that) that he is more excited than he can express about having a daughter. Even though I vetoed the middle name, you will truly always be his baby. Don't take advantage of that too much. I'm sure you will learn quickly to wrap him around your little finger, and I am also sure he will gladly let you do this. When we have dreamed of your arrival and your life with us, he has talked about how he looks forwards to taking you out on special dates. I love your father more for already developing a soft spot because of you. I can not wait to meet you! I can not wait to hold you, and see what you look like and who you look like. Nate says you will have his color hair, and his eyes. He also is hoping you are "special" like him and will have two different color eyes. Here it is, about 14 hours before I go into the hospital. If I can put a special request in, be easy on me. Please enjoy your last night in my body, but please be ready to check out in the morning. I am sending you good thoughts of a fast trip down the birth canal, so you hopefully won't have a conehead.. maybe Brody left some instructions somewhere in there about that, because despite how big he was, his head was perfectly round. It was pretty astonishing. Regardless, even if you decide to torture me and put my body through hell, I love you, and could not be happier.
I am "signing off" for now. Thank you for all your well wishes.