I had a wonderful run this morning. I did not procrastinate on getting ready.
Did you hear that?
Listen closely...
That would be me patting myself on the back.
I am almost done with the laundry, which seems like it is multiplying at a particularly fast rate the past few days. I needed to just tackle it and be done with it.
Today is Taco Tuesday in my house, which is by far the family's favorite dinner of the week. Pizza Fridays come in a solid, but distant second.
Can I really feel so much more energized and happy from just these two days I have jumped back in to my exercise routine? Again, I am looking deep into myself and wondering why I convinced myself for so long to put it off.
Both Brody and Keira fell fast asleep on today's run. It got me thinking.
About what, you ask?
Oh, I was just about to tell you!
I am thinking that I may just try to go around the lake twice on Thursday. If the kids are sleeping, they'll never notice, so why not???
I'm sure I won't be able to run the whole almost seven miles. I am more than sure about that, but why not try? What's the worst that can happen? I walk instead of run? Hold me to it friends.
I have been so grateful to fall in love with running. It made me think about the things that help us as parents release our stress. Sometimes a hot bath and a good book at the end of the day can help me too. What do you do? As parents I think it is so important to have a release, and I would love to know what yours is. Even if you are not a parent, every person needs that one thing they can go to to regroup, right?
Tell me! I'd love to hear from you.
Or just let me know I am not talking to myself with these posts, because pretty soon I may feel like that crazy lady you see walking down the street muttering to herself.
:)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Day 44
I am happy to announce the minty green frosting is no longer stuck to my kitchen table!
I did pay dearly for leaving it there, because it became crusted and really set in to the table. It took a good half hour of scrubbing which my already sore arms did not want to do.
But it is done. C'est la vie.
I reflected on my procrastinating spirit again today.
I should begin by telling you I have gained back between 5 and 7 pounds since the end of September. I could blame it on many, many things and circumstances, but what it comes down to is willpower (or a lack thereof) and projecting my emotions onto food and the false comfort i can provide.
Now why can't I tell myself that the handful of m&ms or cheez-its (my forever enemy) won't make me feel better when I am staring at them?
I made the decision to get back into a routine. I needed to get back to basics. When I run and exercise, I feel better. When I feel better, I don't eat. When I exercise, I release the built up stress. Why do I ever make excuses to stop exercising?
I told myself it was too cold for me to bring the kids out. Today I layered them in at least 5 layers a piece (this includes Brody wearing Keira's tights because no matter how many times I tell him that girls' tights are not hockey pants, he refuses to believe me.) and put on my Under Armour pants and jacket and I waited. I waited for someone to call me with a better offer. I waited for Keira or Brody to tell me they didn't feel good. I waited for the school to call me and tell me Nate or Ty needed to be picked up. I waited for Nathan to call me and ask me to bring him the leftovers I packed for him to take for lunch/dinner, but he forgot, like always.
None of those things happened.
So I ran.
I waited until literally the last moment I could, to allow myself enough time (barely) to be home for Nate. I knew it would make me run faster to make it home for him. I knew I would feel better once I did it.
And you know what? It did. The kids were not cold, despite my fears. Brody actually told me he was hot. I was hot too once I got going. I took it easy and only actually ran 3/4 of the three and a half mile run, choosing to walk the rest, but that is okay too. I needed to ease into it again so I don't pay for it tomorrow. The best part? Keira actually took a nap during the run! And here I was worried she was going to be crying because her fingers would turn black from frost bite and fall off.
It is amazing the way the mind can convince one of things.
Or maybe it is just my mind.
Is my brain the only one out there that tries to manipulate me?
I want my children to grow up healthy. I want to set a good example for them on eating, exercise, and habits.
I know this is what has to fuel me when my willpower has reached zero, when the excuses of why tomorrow would be a better day to run than today flood my brain.
Willpower is a funny thing. When it comes down to it, as good as they can be, and sometimes as valid as they can seem, an excuse is just an excuse. This is my life and I want to take control of it.
I am twenty nine years young, and I will soon enter my thirties. I want to do so healthy in mind, body and spirit.
I did pay dearly for leaving it there, because it became crusted and really set in to the table. It took a good half hour of scrubbing which my already sore arms did not want to do.
But it is done. C'est la vie.
I reflected on my procrastinating spirit again today.
I should begin by telling you I have gained back between 5 and 7 pounds since the end of September. I could blame it on many, many things and circumstances, but what it comes down to is willpower (or a lack thereof) and projecting my emotions onto food and the false comfort i can provide.
Now why can't I tell myself that the handful of m&ms or cheez-its (my forever enemy) won't make me feel better when I am staring at them?
I made the decision to get back into a routine. I needed to get back to basics. When I run and exercise, I feel better. When I feel better, I don't eat. When I exercise, I release the built up stress. Why do I ever make excuses to stop exercising?
I told myself it was too cold for me to bring the kids out. Today I layered them in at least 5 layers a piece (this includes Brody wearing Keira's tights because no matter how many times I tell him that girls' tights are not hockey pants, he refuses to believe me.) and put on my Under Armour pants and jacket and I waited. I waited for someone to call me with a better offer. I waited for Keira or Brody to tell me they didn't feel good. I waited for the school to call me and tell me Nate or Ty needed to be picked up. I waited for Nathan to call me and ask me to bring him the leftovers I packed for him to take for lunch/dinner, but he forgot, like always.
None of those things happened.
So I ran.
I waited until literally the last moment I could, to allow myself enough time (barely) to be home for Nate. I knew it would make me run faster to make it home for him. I knew I would feel better once I did it.
And you know what? It did. The kids were not cold, despite my fears. Brody actually told me he was hot. I was hot too once I got going. I took it easy and only actually ran 3/4 of the three and a half mile run, choosing to walk the rest, but that is okay too. I needed to ease into it again so I don't pay for it tomorrow. The best part? Keira actually took a nap during the run! And here I was worried she was going to be crying because her fingers would turn black from frost bite and fall off.
It is amazing the way the mind can convince one of things.
Or maybe it is just my mind.
Is my brain the only one out there that tries to manipulate me?
I want my children to grow up healthy. I want to set a good example for them on eating, exercise, and habits.
I know this is what has to fuel me when my willpower has reached zero, when the excuses of why tomorrow would be a better day to run than today flood my brain.
Willpower is a funny thing. When it comes down to it, as good as they can be, and sometimes as valid as they can seem, an excuse is just an excuse. This is my life and I want to take control of it.
I am twenty nine years young, and I will soon enter my thirties. I want to do so healthy in mind, body and spirit.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Balloon Messages (and one more)
I couldn't resist sharing this one of Keira in my mom's glasses. It makes me smile. She makes me smile. 'Nuff said.I told you about the balloon messages to Heaven here, and promised to share photos of this wonderful, heartfelt moment, and here they are.
I am hoping to share a video of the moment as well.
Day 43
Today I woke up determined to tackle decorating the house for Christmas.
I swear I will first clean up the frosting that is still on my table.
How is it so incredibly hard for me to just go do it, when I have cleaned almost everything else? It is like that one task is just too much.
Hello world, my name is Nicole, and I am a frosting cleaning procrastinator.
Today my house will smell like cinnamon candles and holiday music will be playing, and my house will eventually be filled with deep evergreens and crimson reds and silver and gold splashes.
It will hopefully evoke the holiday spirit that is severely lacking in my being.
This time of year I usually have already captured a holiday picture and picked out, if not ordered holiday cards. I told Nathan that I am making an appointment for a family picture this week. I feel like I need to jump start myself into the season this year.
I read all these posts from friends who were out black friday shopping, and some who even boasted of being done with holiday shopping already. It overwhelmed me, and quite frankly gave me a massive headache. Maybe part of that is my extreme hatred of the way this holiday season has been over-marketed and shoved down our throats as early as Halloween now. Maybe it is because when I enter a mall (which is rare) during the holiday season, I get hot and dizzy and have urges to run for the nearest exit. Maybe it is because I am a believer that gifts should, for the most part, be from the heart, and thoughtful, and I want my children to be grateful for what they have and what they are given, which is pretty hard when they have so many toys they don't even know what they have.
I have said this before, but it is a tradition that I am grateful my kids accept and willingly participate in, prior to each birthday and to Christmas, my kids go through all of their toys and fill a bag to donate. If they are acquiring new items, I feel like they need to get rid of the ones they no longer use. It has helped my kids understand there are some children that do not have as many toys as them. It has taught my children not to hold on to things they no longer use. It has helped cut down on the clutter that can be overwhelming when you have children.
The kids went through their toy boxes this weekend, and boy did it feel good to go donate things with them.
Off I go to take down the fall decorations and make way for snowmen and santas.
I swear I will first clean up the frosting that is still on my table.
How is it so incredibly hard for me to just go do it, when I have cleaned almost everything else? It is like that one task is just too much.
Hello world, my name is Nicole, and I am a frosting cleaning procrastinator.
Today my house will smell like cinnamon candles and holiday music will be playing, and my house will eventually be filled with deep evergreens and crimson reds and silver and gold splashes.
It will hopefully evoke the holiday spirit that is severely lacking in my being.
This time of year I usually have already captured a holiday picture and picked out, if not ordered holiday cards. I told Nathan that I am making an appointment for a family picture this week. I feel like I need to jump start myself into the season this year.
I read all these posts from friends who were out black friday shopping, and some who even boasted of being done with holiday shopping already. It overwhelmed me, and quite frankly gave me a massive headache. Maybe part of that is my extreme hatred of the way this holiday season has been over-marketed and shoved down our throats as early as Halloween now. Maybe it is because when I enter a mall (which is rare) during the holiday season, I get hot and dizzy and have urges to run for the nearest exit. Maybe it is because I am a believer that gifts should, for the most part, be from the heart, and thoughtful, and I want my children to be grateful for what they have and what they are given, which is pretty hard when they have so many toys they don't even know what they have.
I have said this before, but it is a tradition that I am grateful my kids accept and willingly participate in, prior to each birthday and to Christmas, my kids go through all of their toys and fill a bag to donate. If they are acquiring new items, I feel like they need to get rid of the ones they no longer use. It has helped my kids understand there are some children that do not have as many toys as them. It has taught my children not to hold on to things they no longer use. It has helped cut down on the clutter that can be overwhelming when you have children.
The kids went through their toy boxes this weekend, and boy did it feel good to go donate things with them.
Off I go to take down the fall decorations and make way for snowmen and santas.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Day 42 ~ Thanksgiving number two
This morning the kids and I decorated cookies.
We had lots of fun, and made a horrific mess. In fact, now at almost 8pm, my kitchen table is still smudged with minty green frosting.
But that's okay.
The dishes are done, and the floors are swept, and the toys are put away. So what if there is a little leftover frosting smudges into the table? I'll get to it soon.
Nathan is working all weekend, so unfortunately he missed out on Thanksgiving with my family. We went to my mom's, and ate great food, and the kids had a blast playing.
But what I really want to tell you about is something else my mom did that was very touching.
My mom purchased a great big ol' bunch of balloons, and each child (and she and I) picked out a balloon and wrote a message to send to Heaven.
The kids wrote really nice, thoughtful things, and when we were all done writing, we went outside and we released our balloons and watched them go up to Heaven, to deliver our messages.
This is a tradition my mom want to continue every year, to have the kids remember those loved ones and have a way of communicating with them always.
It was touching, and I hope to get you some photos soon.
I am grateful for my mom, who wants my children to always keep their Nana in their hearts, and wants them to continue to have a relationship with her.
Thank you for that mom.
We had lots of fun, and made a horrific mess. In fact, now at almost 8pm, my kitchen table is still smudged with minty green frosting.
But that's okay.
The dishes are done, and the floors are swept, and the toys are put away. So what if there is a little leftover frosting smudges into the table? I'll get to it soon.
Nathan is working all weekend, so unfortunately he missed out on Thanksgiving with my family. We went to my mom's, and ate great food, and the kids had a blast playing.
But what I really want to tell you about is something else my mom did that was very touching.
My mom purchased a great big ol' bunch of balloons, and each child (and she and I) picked out a balloon and wrote a message to send to Heaven.
The kids wrote really nice, thoughtful things, and when we were all done writing, we went outside and we released our balloons and watched them go up to Heaven, to deliver our messages.
This is a tradition my mom want to continue every year, to have the kids remember those loved ones and have a way of communicating with them always.
It was touching, and I hope to get you some photos soon.
I am grateful for my mom, who wants my children to always keep their Nana in their hearts, and wants them to continue to have a relationship with her.
Thank you for that mom.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Day 41
Ouch.
That sums up my day. God help my family because I have complained to anyone who would listen, or was silent enough for me to tell them how much I hurt.
Yeah, I am not joking.
The simple fact that I have legs that are attached to my body puts me in great physical pain.
Walking hurts. Sitting hurts. Moving hurts.
How long has it been since I've run? A month? Remind me to never think I can go a month without running and then go run a race. Seriously. You have full permission to slap me out of it if I ever talk about doing that again, or you have every right to slap my convincing friend Kristina, because she probably is the one that will put the idea in my head that I can do it.
Speaking of running again, I did love doing it, and already have two more planned in the next six weeks, however I plan on keeping up with running in the meantime.
In an effort to distract myself from my physical anguish, I decided to cook.
Today I cooked:
Two homemade pizzas. One cheese, one bacon.
Homemade sugar cookies. Royal icing to decorate the cookies with (to be done with the kids in the morning.)
Chicken nuggets.
And for my masterpiece, that took me two whole hours, homemade whole wheat butternut squash ravioli (with the leftover Thanksgiving squash and I added some sage, parmesan cheese, and garlic.) I have never made homemade ravioli before. It was quite the project. I got really tired (mainly because I did all this cooking at once) and only ended up using a quarter of the pasta dough and squash filling. I froze both for sometime this week when I can tackle the project again.
Oh and I watched Beauty and the Beast with the kids this morning. Keira sang along the whole time, and the boys willingly watched it. We watched Snow White as a family last night too. I feel pretty psyched about the Disney Princess stuff going on in our house at the moment.
Good day, day 41. Good day.
Now I'm off to convince Nathan or one of my boys that they should show me how thankful they are for me by giving me a really nice massage.
That sums up my day. God help my family because I have complained to anyone who would listen, or was silent enough for me to tell them how much I hurt.
Yeah, I am not joking.
The simple fact that I have legs that are attached to my body puts me in great physical pain.
Walking hurts. Sitting hurts. Moving hurts.
How long has it been since I've run? A month? Remind me to never think I can go a month without running and then go run a race. Seriously. You have full permission to slap me out of it if I ever talk about doing that again, or you have every right to slap my convincing friend Kristina, because she probably is the one that will put the idea in my head that I can do it.
Speaking of running again, I did love doing it, and already have two more planned in the next six weeks, however I plan on keeping up with running in the meantime.
In an effort to distract myself from my physical anguish, I decided to cook.
Today I cooked:
Two homemade pizzas. One cheese, one bacon.
Homemade sugar cookies. Royal icing to decorate the cookies with (to be done with the kids in the morning.)
Chicken nuggets.
And for my masterpiece, that took me two whole hours, homemade whole wheat butternut squash ravioli (with the leftover Thanksgiving squash and I added some sage, parmesan cheese, and garlic.) I have never made homemade ravioli before. It was quite the project. I got really tired (mainly because I did all this cooking at once) and only ended up using a quarter of the pasta dough and squash filling. I froze both for sometime this week when I can tackle the project again.
Oh and I watched Beauty and the Beast with the kids this morning. Keira sang along the whole time, and the boys willingly watched it. We watched Snow White as a family last night too. I feel pretty psyched about the Disney Princess stuff going on in our house at the moment.
Good day, day 41. Good day.
Now I'm off to convince Nathan or one of my boys that they should show me how thankful they are for me by giving me a really nice massage.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Day 40 ~ Happy Thanksgiving
Forty whole days. It seems so long, but yet it has gone by in a blink.
My dear friend Kristina called me last week telling me there was a 5k in my town on Thanksgiving. She said "we should do it!"
Kristina ran her first marathon a month or so ago.
Kristina has not been emotionally eating.
Kristina is very convincing.
"It'll be fun!" She said.
It is now Thanksgiving morning, and I am about to go out in the freezing cold and want to guess who is coming with me?
NOT KRISTINA.
humph.
(She knows I am joking, I do not really hold a grudge against her for not coming. I will be happy I did it after I can feel my fingers and toes, and have stopped shivering.)
I am thankful for so much, and when I started these numbered postings, part of what that meant for me, was to see through the hustle and bustle of my days, and look at the good, see all I am grateful for, cherish every moment.
This thanksgiving I feel more aware. More grateful.
I hope all of your thanksgivings are filled with love and gratitude.
Have a very happy Thanksgiving.
***update: I ran the 5k in just under 32 minutes!!! I didn't stop, not once, and I am SO proud of myself. I definitely wanted to throw up as soon as I finished, but the point is, I did it. I had Nathan and the kids there waiting for me at the finish line. My heart is full. I talked to Sharon, my grandpa, my aunt Tammie, my grammy B, and my uncle David the whole way.
I also realized that Jay-Z makes running effortless, for me at least, and I could have danced my way through the race when he came on my ipod. I am already looking forward to doing it again, and think the next time I'll have Ty run with me.
Thank you to my mom who sponsored my run. The proceeds from today's run went to the Wakefield Interfaith Food Pantry.
Cheers to full bellies, hearts and souls.
Today is a good day.
Happy Anniversary to Bob and Sharon.***
My dear friend Kristina called me last week telling me there was a 5k in my town on Thanksgiving. She said "we should do it!"
Kristina ran her first marathon a month or so ago.
Kristina has not been emotionally eating.
Kristina is very convincing.
"It'll be fun!" She said.
It is now Thanksgiving morning, and I am about to go out in the freezing cold and want to guess who is coming with me?
NOT KRISTINA.
humph.
(She knows I am joking, I do not really hold a grudge against her for not coming. I will be happy I did it after I can feel my fingers and toes, and have stopped shivering.)
I am thankful for so much, and when I started these numbered postings, part of what that meant for me, was to see through the hustle and bustle of my days, and look at the good, see all I am grateful for, cherish every moment.
This thanksgiving I feel more aware. More grateful.
I hope all of your thanksgivings are filled with love and gratitude.
Have a very happy Thanksgiving.
***update: I ran the 5k in just under 32 minutes!!! I didn't stop, not once, and I am SO proud of myself. I definitely wanted to throw up as soon as I finished, but the point is, I did it. I had Nathan and the kids there waiting for me at the finish line. My heart is full. I talked to Sharon, my grandpa, my aunt Tammie, my grammy B, and my uncle David the whole way.
I also realized that Jay-Z makes running effortless, for me at least, and I could have danced my way through the race when he came on my ipod. I am already looking forward to doing it again, and think the next time I'll have Ty run with me.
Thank you to my mom who sponsored my run. The proceeds from today's run went to the Wakefield Interfaith Food Pantry.
Cheers to full bellies, hearts and souls.
Today is a good day.
Happy Anniversary to Bob and Sharon.***
Day 39
Half day Wednesdays. I forgot what you were like.
I sat down around 430pm for the first time all day and thought to myself,
"what the hell just happened?"
That sums up my day, day 39.
I swept my floor nine times. I put two rounds of dishes through the dishwasher. I played and cleaned up trains and train tracks about fifteen times. I was mortified when I stepped into the boys' room every single time I went in it. (My pleas for Brody to stop trying on clothes didn't go too well.)
So when Keira crashed at 630pm, and Nate and Ty occupied themselves with a video game, and Brody climbed up to snuggle between Nathan and I to watch the Bruins, I felt no guilt for stopping myself in my tracks. I felt no guilt for not picking up the evening round of toys, the crayons on the table, the cups still on the counter.
It was a full day.
I sat down around 430pm for the first time all day and thought to myself,
"what the hell just happened?"
That sums up my day, day 39.
I swept my floor nine times. I put two rounds of dishes through the dishwasher. I played and cleaned up trains and train tracks about fifteen times. I was mortified when I stepped into the boys' room every single time I went in it. (My pleas for Brody to stop trying on clothes didn't go too well.)
So when Keira crashed at 630pm, and Nate and Ty occupied themselves with a video game, and Brody climbed up to snuggle between Nathan and I to watch the Bruins, I felt no guilt for stopping myself in my tracks. I felt no guilt for not picking up the evening round of toys, the crayons on the table, the cups still on the counter.
It was a full day.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Holiday Orders
I am now taking orders for holiday tutus,
petti-tutus,
and tulle dresses.
I can make these in any assortment of colors, or color combination.
Popular holiday colors are red, white, red and white, red white and green, black with red ribbon, blue and white
(red, green and white pictured above)
For inquiries, send me a message at NicParrish7@gmail.com
Orders placed by December 10th will have free shipping.
Happy Holidays!
petti-tutus,
and tulle dresses.
I can make these in any assortment of colors, or color combination.
Popular holiday colors are red, white, red and white, red white and green, black with red ribbon, blue and white
(red, green and white pictured above)For inquiries, send me a message at NicParrish7@gmail.com
Orders placed by December 10th will have free shipping.
Happy Holidays!
Day 38
Oh Day 38. You have been a true blessing.
This morning I rushed out to Nate's parent teacher conference with his kindergarten teacher. His school reformatted report cards this year, and there are no longer comment sections for the teachers to write things, so his teacher wrote and printed out her own comment sheet for us to keep. Here is what Nate's said:
This morning I rushed out to Nate's parent teacher conference with his kindergarten teacher. His school reformatted report cards this year, and there are no longer comment sections for the teachers to write things, so his teacher wrote and printed out her own comment sheet for us to keep. Here is what Nate's said:
Nathan, Kindergarten Comments
November 2010
Nate has a warm and pleasant personality. He is a joy! He always comes with a smile and positive attitude. Nate puts wonderful effort into each assignment. He is a remarkable young man. He brightens our every day! Nate is a treasure to both his classmates and teachers! We look forward to seeing him each day.
I literally do not think it could be any better than that. In the craziness of having both Brody and Keira with me for the fifteen minute conference, I barely got anxiety that they were dumping crayons (we were in the art room), riding on some large stuffed dinosaur, crawling under tables and trying to dump various bins on the floor. I didn't get a chance to sit down, and most of the papers the teacher did not get a chance to fully go over with me, but did any of that matter?
Did you read the teacher's comments?
Nope. Didn't matter a lick.
After the conference I had a teeny bit of time to run to the store before picking Nate up from school. I used the time to make a Target run, because , I have long said Target's brand of PMS type medicine, should be named happy pills, and I was in need of some happy pills. Maybe it is the caffeine in the pills, but there is something that makes me feel just plain happy and wonderful. I know, scary right? Does anyone else have an obsession with these pills? (I swear I only take them when I am feeling gross and bloated and cranky and tired due to "women trouble.")
Anyway, next up was Brody's three year checkup. Brody is as healthy as can be. He is 38" tall and 33.5lbs. He rests just above the 50th percentile. Brody got one shot, with not one tear shed, or even a whimper.
What else has made this day stellar? My friend handed down some super cute shoes.
AND I was able to get some random errands done that I have not had time for in the past couple of weeks.
Oh, and it is Taco Tuesday, which is always a great day here in my house.
I am grateful for today.
November 2010
Nate has a warm and pleasant personality. He is a joy! He always comes with a smile and positive attitude. Nate puts wonderful effort into each assignment. He is a remarkable young man. He brightens our every day! Nate is a treasure to both his classmates and teachers! We look forward to seeing him each day.
I literally do not think it could be any better than that. In the craziness of having both Brody and Keira with me for the fifteen minute conference, I barely got anxiety that they were dumping crayons (we were in the art room), riding on some large stuffed dinosaur, crawling under tables and trying to dump various bins on the floor. I didn't get a chance to sit down, and most of the papers the teacher did not get a chance to fully go over with me, but did any of that matter?
Did you read the teacher's comments?
Nope. Didn't matter a lick.
After the conference I had a teeny bit of time to run to the store before picking Nate up from school. I used the time to make a Target run, because , I have long said Target's brand of PMS type medicine, should be named happy pills, and I was in need of some happy pills. Maybe it is the caffeine in the pills, but there is something that makes me feel just plain happy and wonderful. I know, scary right? Does anyone else have an obsession with these pills? (I swear I only take them when I am feeling gross and bloated and cranky and tired due to "women trouble.")
Anyway, next up was Brody's three year checkup. Brody is as healthy as can be. He is 38" tall and 33.5lbs. He rests just above the 50th percentile. Brody got one shot, with not one tear shed, or even a whimper.
What else has made this day stellar? My friend handed down some super cute shoes.
AND I was able to get some random errands done that I have not had time for in the past couple of weeks.
Oh, and it is Taco Tuesday, which is always a great day here in my house.
I am grateful for today.
Days 36 and 37
After a very emotional, and tough couple of days, Nathan and I made the decision to stay in on Sunday. We had been going non stop, trucking the kids from place to place, and we were due for some much needed time together.
I'm glad we did that. It was a good choice. Sometimes there is nothing better than staying in the house, and being together to regroup.
With the short school week, the kids had no problem getting going for school on Monday (thankfully), and I was able to get a good amount of housework done.
I wish I could say there was something more exciting that happened. There wasn't. I have been utterly exhausted. I have been emotionally eating my heart out. I have been super sensitive. I have my period. (Sorry Dad.)
With my own craziness aside, I am so grateful for all of the help we had this weekend with the children. To those who helped out, you know who you are, your selflessness and courage (because it takes one courageous person to step up to watching all of my kids) means so very much to me. To not have to worry about how they were doing during the services is worth its weight in gold.
Thank you.
To the family and friends who were so supportive, offering kind words, condolences, sending cards, and special gifts, thank you. Support is crucial, and I am blown away by the love and kindness that came our way.
To the few who called and checked in this whole time, to you brave women who spent countless time through the past six weeks being everything a friend could and should be and more, for being my shoulder to cry on, to you I want to say, I will never forget this.
Seeing Sharon's best friends, watching them take part in her funeral service, was one of the most touching things I witnessed. I watched her friends prepare her house, step up to be the hostesses in their friend's absence, and clean everything so Bob wouldn't have to worry about any of it. I couldn't help but think of my friends the whole time I observed them. My heart ached for them, for their loss of a best friend. SO again, to my friends, who were so supportive this whole time, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm glad we did that. It was a good choice. Sometimes there is nothing better than staying in the house, and being together to regroup.
With the short school week, the kids had no problem getting going for school on Monday (thankfully), and I was able to get a good amount of housework done.
I wish I could say there was something more exciting that happened. There wasn't. I have been utterly exhausted. I have been emotionally eating my heart out. I have been super sensitive. I have my period. (Sorry Dad.)
With my own craziness aside, I am so grateful for all of the help we had this weekend with the children. To those who helped out, you know who you are, your selflessness and courage (because it takes one courageous person to step up to watching all of my kids) means so very much to me. To not have to worry about how they were doing during the services is worth its weight in gold.
Thank you.
To the family and friends who were so supportive, offering kind words, condolences, sending cards, and special gifts, thank you. Support is crucial, and I am blown away by the love and kindness that came our way.
To the few who called and checked in this whole time, to you brave women who spent countless time through the past six weeks being everything a friend could and should be and more, for being my shoulder to cry on, to you I want to say, I will never forget this.
Seeing Sharon's best friends, watching them take part in her funeral service, was one of the most touching things I witnessed. I watched her friends prepare her house, step up to be the hostesses in their friend's absence, and clean everything so Bob wouldn't have to worry about any of it. I couldn't help but think of my friends the whole time I observed them. My heart ached for them, for their loss of a best friend. SO again, to my friends, who were so supportive this whole time, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day 33
Day 33. I am beyond grateful for the selflessness of friends who offer to watch my children at a moments notice.
Truth be told, the feelings of having to rely on friends, when in the past I was able to call Sharon and have her help me out, well they were difficult to say the least.
Nate performed in a Thanksgiving presentation with his class, and it was wonderful. He did such a fantastic job. I am grateful I was able to watch and not juggle Brody and Keira. Undivided attention is rare for me.
After school, and after the kids did their homework we headed to dinner to be with Nathan's whole family. It was hard being in the house without Sharon. She was such a lively, active participant in her family.
We stayed for a long time. It was way past the children's bedtimes, but it was okay. It was good to be together.
The next two days, I will not be posting. Days 34 and 35 will be left for mourning, and silence, for Sharon, and for all of the other men, women and children who have passed away due to, or are still battling every kind of cancer.
To the families of those who are battling, or have already lost loved ones to this disease, my thoughts are with you.
Truth be told, the feelings of having to rely on friends, when in the past I was able to call Sharon and have her help me out, well they were difficult to say the least.
Nate performed in a Thanksgiving presentation with his class, and it was wonderful. He did such a fantastic job. I am grateful I was able to watch and not juggle Brody and Keira. Undivided attention is rare for me.
After school, and after the kids did their homework we headed to dinner to be with Nathan's whole family. It was hard being in the house without Sharon. She was such a lively, active participant in her family.
We stayed for a long time. It was way past the children's bedtimes, but it was okay. It was good to be together.
The next two days, I will not be posting. Days 34 and 35 will be left for mourning, and silence, for Sharon, and for all of the other men, women and children who have passed away due to, or are still battling every kind of cancer.
To the families of those who are battling, or have already lost loved ones to this disease, my thoughts are with you.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Day 32
Each day at this point is met with moments of heartache, but life is moving. It is moving slowly, and with some sort of guilt for moving on at all, but it must.
Shock is still ever present, and as I said before, I am quite sure it will be for some time.
In the effort of moving forward, today, because I figure my posts may be depressing and sad, I am making an effort to lighten the mood with a couple of photos of our new addition.
Internet, meet Bella.
Bella loves Keira's kitten.
Bella is a 12 week old siamese-tiger cat mix. She has pretty blue eyes, and she fits in with our family perfectly.
Shock is still ever present, and as I said before, I am quite sure it will be for some time.
In the effort of moving forward, today, because I figure my posts may be depressing and sad, I am making an effort to lighten the mood with a couple of photos of our new addition.
Internet, meet Bella.
Bella loves Keira's kitten.
Bella is a 12 week old siamese-tiger cat mix. She has pretty blue eyes, and she fits in with our family perfectly.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 31
Today was a mixed bag. There were so many waves of grief and emotion, and yet so many moments of gratitude and feelings of peace.
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.
In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.
But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.
There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.
I know, a deeply reflective post huh?
Sharon
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.
In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.
But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.
There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.
I know, a deeply reflective post huh?
Sharon
Monday, November 15, 2010
Day 30, In rememberance.
It has been thirty days since I made a deeply conscious decision to live out my days to their absolute fullest.
I will now tell you why.
Two weeks prior to Nate's birthday, our family's world was shaken to it's core. My mother in law was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She had fought breast cancer twice already in her life, and came out triumphant both times.
This time the bad news about the extent of how far the cancer had spread and complications from the cancer seemed to just get worse with each day.
Sharon was admitted into the hospital about four weeks ago, and she unfortunately never returned home.
I am saddened to say she lost her battle with this horrible disease.
Sharon passed away today, Monday November 15, 2010.
She was 56 years young.
Dear Sharon,
I am still in a state of shock over this all. It all happened so quickly. There is so much to say, and it is hard to know where to begin.
For the past eight years our relationship has grown, blossomed, changed, and at times has been rocky. Although as far as a mother in law goes, I think it has been better than most.
I have seen your love for your family, and Sharon, there is no one in this world that could ever doubt that. You gave them everything you could, you loved them unconditionally, you were a friend to them, and a comfort to them when they needed it most. When I was having a trying day with my own kids, you would always say "oh honey I have been there, I know exactly what you are going through."
And the thing is Sharon, I knew that you did know exactly what I was going through. Because you made it through those trying years of raising three boys and a girl, you always gave me the confidence that I too will make it through.
You taught me many things. You taught me to garden, and to sew. You taught me little household remedies. You lent your cooking expertise more times than I could count.
You provided for our family in more ways than I could ever possibly say, and I hope you always felt that gratitude.
Sharon you were an example at enjoying life. Your parties were always filled with laughter and love, and boy did you know how to throw a party! If one were to take a snapshot of you during one of your many festivities, I would say it would be you, surrounded by friends, a glass of wine in hand, and a big smile on your face.
Sharon, I want you to know, I will make sure your grandchildren will always know you, and know how much you love them.
You treated Tyler like one of your own grandchildren from the very beginning. That is something I am forever grateful for. He never felt anything but love and acceptance from you. he loved talking to you about sports. He will miss his Nana so very much.
I know how much Nate reminded you of Nathan. He loves you more than you know. He looked forward to your special dates with him. He loved playing checkers and dominoes with you, and hearing all of your funny jokes and stories.
Even though Brody is young, he misses you already. I am so glad Brody was able to have special time with you, and have sleepovers with you. I will always think of him giggling with you, and the way you looked at him like he was a beautiful gift.
Oh and Keira. Sharon I am so so so glad you were able to meet your only granddaughter. Keira knows you. She has been kissing your picture every night. She will have so many beautiful things that we can tell her you brought her from some wonderful place you traveled to. And she thankfully inherited your gorgeous skin color, a wonderful gift you gave her right there!
Sharon, that is the hardest part for me. I am sad you won't be there to celebrate those large milestones with your grandchildren. You were a wonderful Nana, and I mourn for the children, and the absence that will be felt during those times. I know you will be looking down, smiling though. I know you are and will continue to be so proud of them.
I am sad you will not be able to be a part of my wedding. I know, again you will be there in spirit, but it was something I looked forward to planning with you. I know how excited you were for it.
Sharon, you leave behind so many people whose lives you have touched deeply. You are one of a kind.
I have never seen two people more in love than you and Bob. You two embodied the term soul mates. Your love and devotion to each other is something every person strives for, but few actually obtain. I know those around you two were well aware of just how special your relationship was. Though you may not have been aware, he was by your side to the very end, Sharon.
Nathan writes to you every day. I am sure you now know that. You were his world Sharon. A son could not love his mother more than Nathan loves you.
Sharon, you were taken from this world too soon. That feeling of injustice will more than likely remain for quite some time. But we know. I know, you are finally at peace. You are with your dad, and you are no longer in pain. You are smiling down on us all, and watching over us. I know you will still be present, and will find a way to comfort your loved ones even now. I will see you in every beautiful garden, in your children, and in your grandchildren.
You may be gone from this world, but Sharon, you will not be forgotten.
You have left quite a footprint.
I love you, may you rest in peace.
I will now tell you why.
Two weeks prior to Nate's birthday, our family's world was shaken to it's core. My mother in law was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She had fought breast cancer twice already in her life, and came out triumphant both times.
This time the bad news about the extent of how far the cancer had spread and complications from the cancer seemed to just get worse with each day.
Sharon was admitted into the hospital about four weeks ago, and she unfortunately never returned home.
I am saddened to say she lost her battle with this horrible disease.
Sharon passed away today, Monday November 15, 2010.
She was 56 years young.
Dear Sharon,
I am still in a state of shock over this all. It all happened so quickly. There is so much to say, and it is hard to know where to begin.
For the past eight years our relationship has grown, blossomed, changed, and at times has been rocky. Although as far as a mother in law goes, I think it has been better than most.
I have seen your love for your family, and Sharon, there is no one in this world that could ever doubt that. You gave them everything you could, you loved them unconditionally, you were a friend to them, and a comfort to them when they needed it most. When I was having a trying day with my own kids, you would always say "oh honey I have been there, I know exactly what you are going through."
And the thing is Sharon, I knew that you did know exactly what I was going through. Because you made it through those trying years of raising three boys and a girl, you always gave me the confidence that I too will make it through.
You taught me many things. You taught me to garden, and to sew. You taught me little household remedies. You lent your cooking expertise more times than I could count.
You provided for our family in more ways than I could ever possibly say, and I hope you always felt that gratitude.
Sharon you were an example at enjoying life. Your parties were always filled with laughter and love, and boy did you know how to throw a party! If one were to take a snapshot of you during one of your many festivities, I would say it would be you, surrounded by friends, a glass of wine in hand, and a big smile on your face.
Sharon, I want you to know, I will make sure your grandchildren will always know you, and know how much you love them.
You treated Tyler like one of your own grandchildren from the very beginning. That is something I am forever grateful for. He never felt anything but love and acceptance from you. he loved talking to you about sports. He will miss his Nana so very much.
I know how much Nate reminded you of Nathan. He loves you more than you know. He looked forward to your special dates with him. He loved playing checkers and dominoes with you, and hearing all of your funny jokes and stories.
Even though Brody is young, he misses you already. I am so glad Brody was able to have special time with you, and have sleepovers with you. I will always think of him giggling with you, and the way you looked at him like he was a beautiful gift.
Oh and Keira. Sharon I am so so so glad you were able to meet your only granddaughter. Keira knows you. She has been kissing your picture every night. She will have so many beautiful things that we can tell her you brought her from some wonderful place you traveled to. And she thankfully inherited your gorgeous skin color, a wonderful gift you gave her right there!
Sharon, that is the hardest part for me. I am sad you won't be there to celebrate those large milestones with your grandchildren. You were a wonderful Nana, and I mourn for the children, and the absence that will be felt during those times. I know you will be looking down, smiling though. I know you are and will continue to be so proud of them.
I am sad you will not be able to be a part of my wedding. I know, again you will be there in spirit, but it was something I looked forward to planning with you. I know how excited you were for it.
Sharon, you leave behind so many people whose lives you have touched deeply. You are one of a kind.
I have never seen two people more in love than you and Bob. You two embodied the term soul mates. Your love and devotion to each other is something every person strives for, but few actually obtain. I know those around you two were well aware of just how special your relationship was. Though you may not have been aware, he was by your side to the very end, Sharon.
Nathan writes to you every day. I am sure you now know that. You were his world Sharon. A son could not love his mother more than Nathan loves you.
Sharon, you were taken from this world too soon. That feeling of injustice will more than likely remain for quite some time. But we know. I know, you are finally at peace. You are with your dad, and you are no longer in pain. You are smiling down on us all, and watching over us. I know you will still be present, and will find a way to comfort your loved ones even now. I will see you in every beautiful garden, in your children, and in your grandchildren.
You may be gone from this world, but Sharon, you will not be forgotten.
You have left quite a footprint.
I love you, may you rest in peace.
Day 29
We celebrated my sweet Brody boys birthday this weekend. He had a ball, and when asked what he wished for, he responded "I just wished wished wished."
It was a wonderful, intimate day.
I am grateful for that.
It was a wonderful, intimate day.
I am grateful for that.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Day 28 ~ Happy Birthday Brody Post
Day 28, look at how Brody has grown and changed every year!
My dear, sweet Brody boy,
I can not believe you are three today. Three whole years since you came into this world. It is astounding. You are the kindest, most loving child in this world. It seems you have a heart that is capable of more than any one I have ever met.
You love unconditionally, and you are always so giving. That is a big statement about a three year old. You love your family so much, and are so happy just being around us. You are funny, and your laugh is infectious.
Brody you have had quite a year. Some parts were rough, with your numerous illnesses and your surgery, and having to get staples in your head. Through all of that though, you smiled.
You have made so much progress this year. You have grown, and have advanced leaps and bounds with speaking. You have worked so hard, and words can not express just how proud of you, I am.
Brody you are such a vital part of this family. I hope you always know that. I know with so many children, it can be hard to have your voice heard and to stand out. I try my very best to make sure you all feel special individually, but I know sometimes it must be tough. I want you to know I have a very special place (a place that is very large) in my heart just for you. You, my baby boy, have made my life feel complete. I wish I could explain just how amazing I think you are, but I don't think words could do the feeling justice.
I can not wait to see what this next year will hold for you. I know you will grow and change, but I also know you will retain that inner sweetness that makes you you.
Brody, you may be turning three today, but you are and will always be my baby boy.
I hope you feel special and loved and happy throughout your life.
I love you with all of my heart, my sweet Brody boy.
Love
Mommy
My dear, sweet Brody boy,
I can not believe you are three today. Three whole years since you came into this world. It is astounding. You are the kindest, most loving child in this world. It seems you have a heart that is capable of more than any one I have ever met.
You love unconditionally, and you are always so giving. That is a big statement about a three year old. You love your family so much, and are so happy just being around us. You are funny, and your laugh is infectious.
Brody you have had quite a year. Some parts were rough, with your numerous illnesses and your surgery, and having to get staples in your head. Through all of that though, you smiled.
You have made so much progress this year. You have grown, and have advanced leaps and bounds with speaking. You have worked so hard, and words can not express just how proud of you, I am.
Brody you are such a vital part of this family. I hope you always know that. I know with so many children, it can be hard to have your voice heard and to stand out. I try my very best to make sure you all feel special individually, but I know sometimes it must be tough. I want you to know I have a very special place (a place that is very large) in my heart just for you. You, my baby boy, have made my life feel complete. I wish I could explain just how amazing I think you are, but I don't think words could do the feeling justice.
I can not wait to see what this next year will hold for you. I know you will grow and change, but I also know you will retain that inner sweetness that makes you you.
Brody, you may be turning three today, but you are and will always be my baby boy.
I hope you feel special and loved and happy throughout your life.
I love you with all of my heart, my sweet Brody boy.
Love
Mommy
Friday, November 12, 2010
Day 27
I managed to squeak in some time to actually post on the right day.
Start playing the lottery folks!
Okay, so the day is far from over, BUT
I am about to finish yard work, and do a whole lot of baking for my big boy Brody's 3rd birthday tomorrow (try saying that 10 times fast!)
So I won't have time to write later. But I am writing now, so that is a compromise right?
I need to share one of the recipes I'll be making for our family tomorrow. I am in love with this recipe, and with the Cookbook Queen's whole blog actually.
She thinks the same way I do, and she's funny. These days, I need a whole lot of funny.
I think you may love her too.
She also gave me lots of ideas on how to make good use out of leftover holiday candy.
So here is the recipe I am making (chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars) or just trust me and visit her blog and join the cool club. Everybody's doing it.
I double dog dare you.
I'll be back tomorrow for Brody's Birthday post. He's turning THREE. What kind of crazy time warp world are we living in???
Three.
Sheesh.
Start playing the lottery folks!
Okay, so the day is far from over, BUT
I am about to finish yard work, and do a whole lot of baking for my big boy Brody's 3rd birthday tomorrow (try saying that 10 times fast!)
So I won't have time to write later. But I am writing now, so that is a compromise right?
I need to share one of the recipes I'll be making for our family tomorrow. I am in love with this recipe, and with the Cookbook Queen's whole blog actually.
She thinks the same way I do, and she's funny. These days, I need a whole lot of funny.
I think you may love her too.
She also gave me lots of ideas on how to make good use out of leftover holiday candy.
So here is the recipe I am making (chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars) or just trust me and visit her blog and join the cool club. Everybody's doing it.
I double dog dare you.
I'll be back tomorrow for Brody's Birthday post. He's turning THREE. What kind of crazy time warp world are we living in???
Three.
Sheesh.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Day 25 and 26
Boo.
Go ahead.
I know, these combined posts are getting old.
BUT in my defense, when I started this journey I said I wanted to soak up life, and well, my only explanation for why I haven't written a daily post is I have been doing EXACTLY that.
So please go easy on me. I swear I have been going non stop.
Day 25. Whoa. It kicked my butt. I have had a bit of a random surge in auditions (yes, I said auditions. I am slowly creeping my way back into "the biz.")
I actually had one on day 24. It is a funny story I will save for a day when I have not so much to talk about. I promise. Remind me if I forget.
Anyway, I got up before the sun on Day 25, cleaned the house, made my hair look nice (it's a job in itself kids!), got the kids up and ready, took Ty to school early for student council (how cute is it that he is on the student council?!?! He is on the "spirit committee", and yes I will make side notes on most things, because even though I've tried, I can't shorten things too much. It just isn't me.), got Nate in the bus, brought my two babies to my grandma's house, headed into Boston for an audition for a t.v. show (it was fun, the casting director seemed to like me), drove back to get my two babies, made it home with two minutes to spare before Nate came home, changed into different clothes for audition numero dos, had my amazing friend come over to watch the kids, read off a teleprompter (for the first time EVER! Scary, but so cool!) did really well (but totally outside of what I am used to doing) flied home, picked up Ty early from school, went to my mom's work to drop off the kids with her, drove back into Boston (this time with Nate, who was auditioning for the same t.v. show I did,), drove to my mom's house, had dinner with my family, made it home by 7, Nathan came home shortly after with his brother, and brother's girlfriend, and we all hung out until 10/1030. Then, well can you guess what happened then?
I freaking crashed.
Big time.
With no school today, on Day 26, I was hoping to sleep in a bit, or even get up before the kids and do nothing but catch up on my DVR, which keeps threatening to erase my shows because I haven't watched them since September, but of course that was not the case.
What happened instead was planning my grocery list, a necessary bath after one child covered herself in marker and cracker and chocolate milk, and another had, hmm a not very pretty accident due to an upset stomach. I followed that up with two full hours of grocery shopping. And up next? more raking!
But we'll all be outside, and I will feel accomplished, and the kids will love me for giving them huge piles to jump in.
Maybe I'll jump in too.
Just once.
Because you are never too old to do a cannonball in a huge pile of leaves.
A very special thank you to all the veteran's past and present.
I am so grateful for your service, bravery, and selflessness.
Thank you for keeping us all safe.
Happy Veteran's Day!
Go ahead.
I know, these combined posts are getting old.
BUT in my defense, when I started this journey I said I wanted to soak up life, and well, my only explanation for why I haven't written a daily post is I have been doing EXACTLY that.
So please go easy on me. I swear I have been going non stop.
Day 25. Whoa. It kicked my butt. I have had a bit of a random surge in auditions (yes, I said auditions. I am slowly creeping my way back into "the biz.")
I actually had one on day 24. It is a funny story I will save for a day when I have not so much to talk about. I promise. Remind me if I forget.
Anyway, I got up before the sun on Day 25, cleaned the house, made my hair look nice (it's a job in itself kids!), got the kids up and ready, took Ty to school early for student council (how cute is it that he is on the student council?!?! He is on the "spirit committee", and yes I will make side notes on most things, because even though I've tried, I can't shorten things too much. It just isn't me.), got Nate in the bus, brought my two babies to my grandma's house, headed into Boston for an audition for a t.v. show (it was fun, the casting director seemed to like me), drove back to get my two babies, made it home with two minutes to spare before Nate came home, changed into different clothes for audition numero dos, had my amazing friend come over to watch the kids, read off a teleprompter (for the first time EVER! Scary, but so cool!) did really well (but totally outside of what I am used to doing) flied home, picked up Ty early from school, went to my mom's work to drop off the kids with her, drove back into Boston (this time with Nate, who was auditioning for the same t.v. show I did,), drove to my mom's house, had dinner with my family, made it home by 7, Nathan came home shortly after with his brother, and brother's girlfriend, and we all hung out until 10/1030. Then, well can you guess what happened then?
I freaking crashed.
Big time.
With no school today, on Day 26, I was hoping to sleep in a bit, or even get up before the kids and do nothing but catch up on my DVR, which keeps threatening to erase my shows because I haven't watched them since September, but of course that was not the case.
What happened instead was planning my grocery list, a necessary bath after one child covered herself in marker and cracker and chocolate milk, and another had, hmm a not very pretty accident due to an upset stomach. I followed that up with two full hours of grocery shopping. And up next? more raking!
But we'll all be outside, and I will feel accomplished, and the kids will love me for giving them huge piles to jump in.
Maybe I'll jump in too.
Just once.
Because you are never too old to do a cannonball in a huge pile of leaves.
A very special thank you to all the veteran's past and present.
I am so grateful for your service, bravery, and selflessness.
Thank you for keeping us all safe.
Happy Veteran's Day!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Day 23 and 24
Rainy days are here again. Now if only the rain and wind would knock down the rest of the leaves so I can do a final raking and be done with it!
I have nothing life changing or really very interesting to write about.
Nothing new or exciting.
Kind of a bummer huh?
Not really what you came here for.
I've been doing a lot of cleaning, putting away, and throwing away.
I am still in shock that the holidays are breathing down my neck.
Stop doing that holidays, it really creeps me out.
Speaking of creeping me out,
Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Spooky World? I don't even think it is called that anymore. Anyway, it was this big haunted everything place, haunted hayride, haunted house, etc.
I went with a bunch of my girlfriends when we were younger, maybe in middle school, or freshman? I am not one who really relishes in scare tactics. I have an overactive imagination. Even though I know it is fake, it still gets to me.
Maybe I have a super sensitive fight or flight response.
Anyway, after being tortured on the hayride, in which I am pretty sure I repeatedly kicked whatever masked person was pretending to grab my leg, and crying the rest of the way to the haunted house, I some how was convinced I could handle going through the stupid thing, which was obviously not true in the least bit.
I ended up frozen in fear, hearing my friends scream and laugh at whatever lurked around the corner, which I was positive was absolutely the death of me. Being the resourceful scaredy cat that I am, when the next normal, alive person came by I immediately grabbed them and pulled them on either side of me as my shields. These people happened to be a young couple, maybe in their twenties. They were good sports, although I am sure the girl wasn't so happy I was burying my face and screaming into her boyfriend's back. But I was shaking, and hysterical, and clearly about to have a heart attack, so they took pity on me. I did crouch in corners when I could see someone lurking in the distance, waiting for us, and pulled them right in front of me, refusing to let them leave me. Eventually they dragged me to the end.
That poor couple.
So I get creeped out fairly easily.
It is also why I am both fascinated and horrified by the show Criminal Minds. I can't stop watching, but my poor children have undoubtedly suffered from the excessive stranger danger I have learned.
And that was your lesson in the neurosis of Nicole for the day.
You're welcome for the knowledge that you are now significantly more normal than I am.
I have nothing life changing or really very interesting to write about.
Nothing new or exciting.
Kind of a bummer huh?
Not really what you came here for.
I've been doing a lot of cleaning, putting away, and throwing away.
I am still in shock that the holidays are breathing down my neck.
Stop doing that holidays, it really creeps me out.
Speaking of creeping me out,
Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Spooky World? I don't even think it is called that anymore. Anyway, it was this big haunted everything place, haunted hayride, haunted house, etc.
I went with a bunch of my girlfriends when we were younger, maybe in middle school, or freshman? I am not one who really relishes in scare tactics. I have an overactive imagination. Even though I know it is fake, it still gets to me.
Maybe I have a super sensitive fight or flight response.
Anyway, after being tortured on the hayride, in which I am pretty sure I repeatedly kicked whatever masked person was pretending to grab my leg, and crying the rest of the way to the haunted house, I some how was convinced I could handle going through the stupid thing, which was obviously not true in the least bit.
I ended up frozen in fear, hearing my friends scream and laugh at whatever lurked around the corner, which I was positive was absolutely the death of me. Being the resourceful scaredy cat that I am, when the next normal, alive person came by I immediately grabbed them and pulled them on either side of me as my shields. These people happened to be a young couple, maybe in their twenties. They were good sports, although I am sure the girl wasn't so happy I was burying my face and screaming into her boyfriend's back. But I was shaking, and hysterical, and clearly about to have a heart attack, so they took pity on me. I did crouch in corners when I could see someone lurking in the distance, waiting for us, and pulled them right in front of me, refusing to let them leave me. Eventually they dragged me to the end.
That poor couple.
So I get creeped out fairly easily.
It is also why I am both fascinated and horrified by the show Criminal Minds. I can't stop watching, but my poor children have undoubtedly suffered from the excessive stranger danger I have learned.
And that was your lesson in the neurosis of Nicole for the day.
You're welcome for the knowledge that you are now significantly more normal than I am.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Day 21 and Day 22
This is a smushed together kind of post. I had yet to write Day 21, and then today happened, and I can't even remember Day 21.
Funny how those things happen.
There I was on Day 21 all bent out of shape because the worst thing going on in Nicole world was, (as the trend seems to go every year, so it shouldn't have really surprised me) that I had almost no rsvp-ers to Brody's party next weekend. It is a beyond major pet peeve of mine, because I hate tracking people down. It's not even an issue of coming or not, just puh-leeeease let me know so I can plan. (That ends my rant.)
That was yesterday.
Today is today.
Today started off nice. My kids surprisingly slept until 7am, which is actually 8am, so I count that as sleeping in.
I had an audition early this morning, so I dropped the kids off at my mom's.
Audition went well, although I am not holding my breath.
We spent the rest of the day at my mom's, because my family was celebrating two of my aunt's birthdays this evening. It made more sense to stay and hang out, than to drive back and forth all day.
We had fun today. We went about our day, spending it with family and having fun.
Unfortunately I received an upsetting phone call mid gift opening that changed everything.
How does one prepare for bad news? We have been somewhat prepared and have been prepping the kids as best as we could, but it seemed tonight that we all broke in some way or another. How does one properly say goodbye to another human?
I have dealt with death before. I have dealt with the death of very close loved ones. Is it harder because I am dealing with this as well as helping my children cope? And being a support system for Nathan?
It is hard to feel so many different emotions all at once, and to want to grieve as well as be a comfort.
So that is where I am tonight.
I should add, I made an emergency grocery store trip to pick up a few essentials to get us through the week. I did this after quite a bit of crying. I had to ask Ty if I looked sane enough to even enter the grocery store.
When we all got home tonight I helped the kids write letters to express their sadness. They also drew pictures.
I can not express enough how great of an impact this has had on my life, as well as my outlook in general.
Again, when I am ready, and when it is appropriate, I will speak more about this.
Funny how those things happen.
There I was on Day 21 all bent out of shape because the worst thing going on in Nicole world was, (as the trend seems to go every year, so it shouldn't have really surprised me) that I had almost no rsvp-ers to Brody's party next weekend. It is a beyond major pet peeve of mine, because I hate tracking people down. It's not even an issue of coming or not, just puh-leeeease let me know so I can plan. (That ends my rant.)
That was yesterday.
Today is today.
Today started off nice. My kids surprisingly slept until 7am, which is actually 8am, so I count that as sleeping in.
I had an audition early this morning, so I dropped the kids off at my mom's.
Audition went well, although I am not holding my breath.
We spent the rest of the day at my mom's, because my family was celebrating two of my aunt's birthdays this evening. It made more sense to stay and hang out, than to drive back and forth all day.
We had fun today. We went about our day, spending it with family and having fun.
Unfortunately I received an upsetting phone call mid gift opening that changed everything.
How does one prepare for bad news? We have been somewhat prepared and have been prepping the kids as best as we could, but it seemed tonight that we all broke in some way or another. How does one properly say goodbye to another human?
I have dealt with death before. I have dealt with the death of very close loved ones. Is it harder because I am dealing with this as well as helping my children cope? And being a support system for Nathan?
It is hard to feel so many different emotions all at once, and to want to grieve as well as be a comfort.
So that is where I am tonight.
I should add, I made an emergency grocery store trip to pick up a few essentials to get us through the week. I did this after quite a bit of crying. I had to ask Ty if I looked sane enough to even enter the grocery store.
When we all got home tonight I helped the kids write letters to express their sadness. They also drew pictures.
I can not express enough how great of an impact this has had on my life, as well as my outlook in general.
Again, when I am ready, and when it is appropriate, I will speak more about this.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Well That Was A Fun Waste Of Time
I saw a post about this website, and well 45 minutes later, and a lot of silly laughing, I am sharing it with you.
This website is full of the kind of awkwardness that I think is just hilarious. I particularly thought this one was good. Not that slavery is ever funny, but well this exchange is.
Visit the site yourself.
This website is full of the kind of awkwardness that I think is just hilarious. I particularly thought this one was good. Not that slavery is ever funny, but well this exchange is.
Visit the site yourself.
Day 20
Twenty days. I will eventually go into the reason that prompted me to embark on this journey. For twenty days I have made a conscious effort to live each day with the knowledge that life is short, and I need to make the most of every precious second.
Today was another migraine day for me. What does a mom do when she's feeling under the weather and it's rainy?
Well this mom makes playdough.
(photo courtesy of Nate, I know I look thrilled... this was while we were deciding what color to make the playdough.)
So instead of typing a whole lot (because I am smack in the middle of baking cookies with the kids), I will illustrate two hours of playdough making/playing with pictures.
the kids were really excited. We got out all the cookie cutters and some other baking goodies to make it fun.
Brody, who normally has some major issues keeping his hands clean, did shockingly well.
Nate was making me pizza and cookies galore!
This was Keira's favorite accessory. She was singing "roll, roll roll!"
The kids thought it was lots of fun to make me things to eat (photo by Nate)
photo by Nate.
photo by Nate
My gracious daughter force feeding me her creation. Photo by Nate (thanks Nate)
Nate's playdough monster.
The day turned out to be a good one. We were even able to get together and snuggle up for a Friday night movie, one of our favorite things to do.
During this difficult time, I am so proud of my kids for banding together and being so compassionate and caring.
Today was another migraine day for me. What does a mom do when she's feeling under the weather and it's rainy?
Well this mom makes playdough.
(photo courtesy of Nate, I know I look thrilled... this was while we were deciding what color to make the playdough.)So instead of typing a whole lot (because I am smack in the middle of baking cookies with the kids), I will illustrate two hours of playdough making/playing with pictures.
the kids were really excited. We got out all the cookie cutters and some other baking goodies to make it fun.
Brody, who normally has some major issues keeping his hands clean, did shockingly well.
Nate was making me pizza and cookies galore!
This was Keira's favorite accessory. She was singing "roll, roll roll!"
The kids thought it was lots of fun to make me things to eat (photo by Nate)
photo by Nate.
photo by Nate
My gracious daughter force feeding me her creation. Photo by Nate (thanks Nate)
Nate's playdough monster.The day turned out to be a good one. We were even able to get together and snuggle up for a Friday night movie, one of our favorite things to do.
During this difficult time, I am so proud of my kids for banding together and being so compassionate and caring.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day 19
Yesterday was a day of recovery for me. Recovering from a tough day before, getting a grip on emotions, sorting through them all.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't do a whole lot yesterday. My day consisted of the rainy day dragging of my feet. I managed to do some laundry and to do the dishes, but my willpower just wasn't there. I much preferred curling up with the kids and watching some t.v. and reading some good books. If only they enjoyed napping as much as I do...
I have been feeling slightly under the weather. I know my body is working hard to fight off the cold that has been circulating around the house. Some have gotten it worse than others. As it usually goes with illnesses in the house, I am the last to get it. So there's that to look forward to.
But maybe I'll get lucky.
Maybe the powers that be will know my plate is full.
Then again, there is the saying that you are never given more than you can handle. I guess I should be honored that I apparently I can handle a lot?
The day was a somewhat relaxing day. I really can't say there was anything too exciting, or out of the ordinary that occurred, but that is kind of nice, isn't it? A day of nothing?
Well then again, I don't think snuggling with my babies is nothing. I think it is kind of perfect.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't do a whole lot yesterday. My day consisted of the rainy day dragging of my feet. I managed to do some laundry and to do the dishes, but my willpower just wasn't there. I much preferred curling up with the kids and watching some t.v. and reading some good books. If only they enjoyed napping as much as I do...
I have been feeling slightly under the weather. I know my body is working hard to fight off the cold that has been circulating around the house. Some have gotten it worse than others. As it usually goes with illnesses in the house, I am the last to get it. So there's that to look forward to.
But maybe I'll get lucky.
Maybe the powers that be will know my plate is full.
Then again, there is the saying that you are never given more than you can handle. I guess I should be honored that I apparently I can handle a lot?
The day was a somewhat relaxing day. I really can't say there was anything too exciting, or out of the ordinary that occurred, but that is kind of nice, isn't it? A day of nothing?
Well then again, I don't think snuggling with my babies is nothing. I think it is kind of perfect.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Day 18
Well today has been tough.
I have learned some things about myself though.
I have learned that when I am extremely anxious and upset I do a few things:
I highlight my hair.
I self tan.
I scrutinize my face in the mirror, looking for any flaws, and praying to see a good little blackhead so I can clean it out.
(Go ahead and be grossed out on that last one, but there are two kind of people in this world. Those who love to pop zits and those who don't. I happen to love it.)
I guess you could say I become self absorbed when I'm stressed out and anxious.
Today, while self tanning, I had a long one sided conversation with Keira, who looked at me like I was crazy the whole time.
I figure it is never too late to talk to her about the benefits of fake tans. And she's lucky she has a mom who is a pro at it. The girl will never have to go around looking striped or spotted.
I have cried my fair share today. It hasn't been puppy dogs and rainbows. I have however had a wonderful time with my kids today. They have made me smile, when smiling was hard to do.
I guess at the end of the day, I am grateful for that.
I am also grateful for great highlights, and an autumn tan and clean pores.
Oh and my house smelling delicious. I have been stewing some home made minestrone soup all day. And that folks is what I am going to serve up right now.
I have learned some things about myself though.
I have learned that when I am extremely anxious and upset I do a few things:
I highlight my hair.
I self tan.
I scrutinize my face in the mirror, looking for any flaws, and praying to see a good little blackhead so I can clean it out.
(Go ahead and be grossed out on that last one, but there are two kind of people in this world. Those who love to pop zits and those who don't. I happen to love it.)
I guess you could say I become self absorbed when I'm stressed out and anxious.
Today, while self tanning, I had a long one sided conversation with Keira, who looked at me like I was crazy the whole time.
I figure it is never too late to talk to her about the benefits of fake tans. And she's lucky she has a mom who is a pro at it. The girl will never have to go around looking striped or spotted.
I have cried my fair share today. It hasn't been puppy dogs and rainbows. I have however had a wonderful time with my kids today. They have made me smile, when smiling was hard to do.
I guess at the end of the day, I am grateful for that.
I am also grateful for great highlights, and an autumn tan and clean pores.
Oh and my house smelling delicious. I have been stewing some home made minestrone soup all day. And that folks is what I am going to serve up right now.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Days 16 and 17
We are settling into a momentary "quiet" time here in our house. By quiet I mean, we have a two week break with sports (besides soccer, but that ends this week), we have two weeks before Brody's birthday, and this is the calm before the holiday storm.
I am still basically a single mom at the moment, with Nathan working non stop or at the hospital, or traveling to and from those and home. It has gotten somewhat easier. Okay that is a lie, it has just become more routine, so I am used to juggling it all alone.
Because of the tremendous stress he is under, I have waived his duties here on the home front. He gets a free pass for a while.
I did something yesterday that I have not done in a very long time. I didn't leave my house! Not once! Shocking, right?
I did some cleaning, but didn't go overboard. I played with the kids. I read a gazillion and one stories to the children.
I made one of their favorite meals, home made chicken nuggets (which is beyond easy, and so much healthier than those evil chain fast food places, or the store bought packaged ones.)
Today on the other hand has been a day of appointments and cleaning and organizing and errands. It all balances out, I guess.
But today, by 10 am I had already done 2 loads of laundry, the dishes, swept, mopped, cleaned the walls, counter tops, cabinets, doorknobs, I even went a little nuts and washed my couch!
I also filled out rebate stuff (which let's face it, is one of those things that is time consuming and always gets pushed back until you realize you just lost out on money and it is too late to do it.)
I just got home, and put groceries away, drooling over the thoughts of homemade minestrone soup that we'll have in a few days.
Oh and while out I stopped and voted... make sure you vote too!
I am now waiting for Ty and one of his friends to get here.
Tonight I am looking forward to a special date night with my godson for his birthday.
So for now I am caught up. Who wants to place bets on how quickly I can get behind again?
I am still basically a single mom at the moment, with Nathan working non stop or at the hospital, or traveling to and from those and home. It has gotten somewhat easier. Okay that is a lie, it has just become more routine, so I am used to juggling it all alone.
Because of the tremendous stress he is under, I have waived his duties here on the home front. He gets a free pass for a while.
I did something yesterday that I have not done in a very long time. I didn't leave my house! Not once! Shocking, right?
I did some cleaning, but didn't go overboard. I played with the kids. I read a gazillion and one stories to the children.
I made one of their favorite meals, home made chicken nuggets (which is beyond easy, and so much healthier than those evil chain fast food places, or the store bought packaged ones.)
Today on the other hand has been a day of appointments and cleaning and organizing and errands. It all balances out, I guess.
But today, by 10 am I had already done 2 loads of laundry, the dishes, swept, mopped, cleaned the walls, counter tops, cabinets, doorknobs, I even went a little nuts and washed my couch!
I also filled out rebate stuff (which let's face it, is one of those things that is time consuming and always gets pushed back until you realize you just lost out on money and it is too late to do it.)
I just got home, and put groceries away, drooling over the thoughts of homemade minestrone soup that we'll have in a few days.
Oh and while out I stopped and voted... make sure you vote too!
I am now waiting for Ty and one of his friends to get here.
Tonight I am looking forward to a special date night with my godson for his birthday.
So for now I am caught up. Who wants to place bets on how quickly I can get behind again?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Day 15 ~ Halloween!
Day 15, Halloween, sure to make you want to SCREAM!It was an insanely early day for us on Halloween. We were up a little after 5am, and out the door by 5:50am. Ty's game was far away, but oh was it worth it.
On the opening kickoff of the game Ty caught the ball, was hit while in the air but landed on his feet, and then that boy ran. Ty ran just about 60 yards, dodging the opposing team, and then he had his break away and kids were running behind him, trying to grab him. I was screaming "Go, Ty! RUN RUN RUN!!!" He never looked back, not even once. Most of the kids would dive and fall trying to get him, but there was one that was just out of arm's reach... until he dove and fell. It was all Ty after that. He scored a touch down. His team was screaming and jumping up and down, the kids all ran around him patting his helmet, congratulating him.
I cried.
Thankfully, I was only standing next to one other mom, and I told her, I was going to cry. I had sunglasses on, so no one else could see.
I'm not sure why I cried. I think I was just so filled with happiness and pride for him. It was his first touchdown ever. His first six points. It was a big day.
The kids went on to win 32-6. This was their last game of the season, and only their second win. Needless to say it has been a long season, but to end on such a high note made it so much sweeter.
When we got home, I gathered all the Halloween stuff up in a bag to bring to my mom's house. We had Sunday Spaghetti with my mom and grandmother, we played with Halloween stuff, dressed up in funny wigs and masks and teeth. We had fun!
The kids finally could not wait a second longer, so we got them dressed and made up (well my mom did all of their make up) and ready to go.
So here are the 2010 Halloween costumes:
Ty as Jason
Nate as a vampire
Brody as a cowboy
Keira as Raggedy Ann
No themes this year, but man are they cute/scary!
My kiddos
I had to add in these cute ones of Keira with her "kitty cat candy bag". She carried this bag all night, and we were out for almost two hours! She refused to let me help her hold it, even though it was so heavy.
My little cowboy! I love getting kisses from my Brody.
My vampire Nate, who I think enjoyed Halloween to the extreme this year!
Fighting off Jason. Don't worry world, I'll keep you safe.Check out
Halloween 2009
Halloween 2008
I hope everyone enjoyed Halloween with their families, friends, or just enjoying the Pats game, or handing out candy.
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