Day 21 and Day 22

This is a smushed together kind of post. I had yet to write Day 21, and then today happened, and I can't even remember Day 21.

Funny how those things happen.

There I was on Day 21 all bent out of shape because the worst thing going on in Nicole world was, (as the trend seems to go every year, so it shouldn't have really surprised me) that I had almost no rsvp-ers to Brody's party next weekend. It is a beyond major pet peeve of mine, because I hate tracking people down. It's not even an issue of coming or not, just puh-leeeease let me know so I can plan. (That ends my rant.)

That was yesterday.

Today is today.

Today started off nice. My kids surprisingly slept until 7am, which is actually 8am, so I count that as sleeping in.

I had an audition early this morning, so I dropped the kids off at my mom's.

Audition went well, although I am not holding my breath.

We spent the rest of the day at my mom's, because my family was celebrating two of my aunt's birthdays this evening. It made more sense to stay and hang out, than to drive back and forth all day.

We had fun today. We went about our day, spending it with family and having fun.

Unfortunately I received an upsetting phone call mid gift opening that changed everything.

How does one prepare for bad news? We have been somewhat prepared and have been prepping the kids as best as we could, but it seemed tonight that we all broke in some way or another. How does one properly say goodbye to another human?

I have dealt with death before. I have dealt with the death of very close loved ones. Is it harder because I am dealing with this as well as helping my children cope? And being a support system for Nathan?

It is hard to feel so many different emotions all at once, and to want to grieve as well as be a comfort.

So that is where I am tonight.

I should add, I made an emergency grocery store trip to pick up a few essentials to get us through the week. I did this after quite a bit of crying. I had to ask Ty if I looked sane enough to even enter the grocery store.

When we all got home tonight I helped the kids write letters to express their sadness. They also drew pictures.

I can not express enough how great of an impact this has had on my life, as well as my outlook in general.

Again, when I am ready, and when it is appropriate, I will speak more about this.