Day 132

Today has been tough.  I don't know if it is lingering exhaustion, or something else.  I am at the point right now, where I am trying my hardest to keep my cool while it seems thing after thing after tattle after fight after whine after scream after spilled milk four different times after my washing machine leaking water all over my floor after Brody coming down with a fever.

It is that kind of day.

And my patience is as thing as a thread.  It is probably closer to a very frayed thread.

It is days like today where I need to take deep breaths, and remember that this too shall pass.

But in the moment, right now, that seems impossible and far away.

I am back to 5am gym times, and I missed today because I knew I needed sleep.  I am now debating going for a quick run to release some of this enormous stress, even though I will be back in less than twelve hours.


And I know this ranting and raving isn't much fun to read, but this is just where I am right now.

Frustrated, annoyed, stressed out, and ready to cry.

Day 131

Parties and errands and normal house stuff filled the day.  To be honest, besides the party, I was in a complete sleep-deprived fog.  The day's events blended in together in a fuzzy mixture, in which I continued to question "is it bed time yet?"

We had fun dressing up and going to my nephew's 8th birthday party and visiting with family.

Now *yawn* off to catch up on piles upon piles upon baskets upon three random drawers I filled with mismatched socks.

I am being totally serious about the drawers filled too.  Once the basket was filled and stuffed, I moved on to stuffing them in three different drawers.

I have a feeling we will realize we never owned so many socks.

I am looking forward to flip flop/no sock weather so this isn't a concern.

I feel like a terribly bad mother when I have to run around matching socks for the kids before school.

 Keira chowing down on popcorn.

Me and my tie loving child, Nate.

Day 130 ~ Recovery

I have talked about the importance of adult, friend time once you have children, or at any time in your life.  There is something grounding about spending a few hours without worries.  Talking about a funny memory, something that makes you sad and cry, and planning for the future all in the course of a few moments that is just home-like.

Friendship is something that has boundless value.

Fast forward through my Saturday (which was very quiet, because Brody was with my mom for his special day, which meant food wasn't constantly out, toys weren't thrown all over the place, and the temper tantrums were almost forgotten.  But man, did I miss all of that after about an hour of silence.) to having Keira help me pick out my dress, and put on my make-up.  If you are wondering, she picked a coral dress over a floral one, and she insisted she needed to put on mascara too, so I let her, cringing when it came a little close to her eye that I would have liked.  She helped me do my hair, pick out jewelry, and I let her pick out a necklace to wear too.

I want Keira to know the importance of girlfriends in her life.  I want her to have fun getting ready to go out for a girls night.  I promised her I would help her get ready when it would eventually be her turn to go out with her friends, if she would let me.  I then made her promise to let me.

I tucked her into bed a little while later and stayed with her until she fell asleep.

Then, I kissed my boys and headed out for the night.

Kerrie and I went to City Bar, where our friend Kristina is a bartender.  It was rejuvenating and it was almost like a recovery session, after school vacation week and the end of my day yesterday.  It was exactly what I needed.

When we left the bar, sometime after midnight, snow was falling.  We dashed around searching for a cab.  We laughed with our driver, where we proclaimed we were by far his best cab ride of the night.  Thanks Johnnie from Egypt.  It was so fitting to have you for our driver, another fun story to laugh about for years to come. 
Kerrie convinced me to stop at Falafel Palace, where she quickly ordered more food than there was people, telling me she got stuff for Nathan and Arjun (her boyfriend).  Twenty minutes and lots of laughs later, we had our bag of middle eastern food, and headed back to hail a taxi.  That part should have been easy, but the snow was falling hard, and it was not much earlier than two in the morning.  We finally found one though and home we went, vowing that we would do this far more often.

And you know, despite Keira waking up right at 6 in the morning, and only getting about three hours of sleep, it was SO worth it.

 My favorite bartender, Kristina.

 Kerrie with her lovely hand gestures while waiting for a cab after the bar.

Me, pouting while waiting forever for a cab after getting falafels.  It was really raining/snowing hard then.

Six am wake up calls are not fun.  Notice my make-up is still on from the night before.  I am not good at taking off my make-up before bed.  Maybe turning thirty will change that.

Day 129

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days...

No seriously, it was.

We were up and out of the house by 8am.  Sadly this was about fifteen minutes behind schedule.  We darted off to Newton for a casting for the kids, which we waited for about 45 minutes to have their pictures taken. 

After that we rushed to my mom's house so I could pick up her camera to borrow for the day.  We then dashed to my house so I could pick up a few things that I forgot, and headed right back out to my friend's house.

We had a great time at my friend's having lunch and getting pumped up to see Toy Story on Ice.  We then left and had a BALL at Toy Story.  I can not express enough gratitude to my friend for taking us all to see it.  It was so much fun watching all of our kids interact, and it is always great to see their moms and have adult conversation.

By the time we got home it was almost dinner time, and I had to make a grocery store run.  I made my list and headed out, only to get a very upsetting phone call on the way home.  Because of the personal and upsetting nature of the call, I am choosing not to discuss the nature of the call here, but I will say, it left me shaking, sobbing and with my heart beating out of my chest.  I ran into the house to talk to Nathan for about 3 seconds, before going as fast as I possibly could to attend to the matter.

When I returned home it was about seven, and thankfully Nathan had fed the kids for me.  I snuggled the kids up with their pillows and blankets and put on a movie for them.  Brody and Keira ended up wanting to sit on the couch with me and we all passed out by eight.

I woke up at 11:30 to strange classical music, that sounded far away and kind of static-y.  I searched and searched for it's mystery source to no avail.

I gave up out of frustration (and maybe a bit because of the creepy factor) and went to bed.

(The mystery was solved this morning... one of the boy's headphone walkie talkies had been left on and somehow picked up a classical music signal.  Super strange and random.)

The kids keeping themselves entertained during our 45 minute wait at the casting.

Day 128

Today was not extraordinary.  It was quite quiet to be honest.  We hit the gym, came home, cleaned, relaxed a bit, snuggled a bit, played a bit.  We did a lot of bits.
We are gearing up for a busy day of an early morning audition-ish thing for the kids, off to meet friends for lunch and go see Toy Story 3 on ice.  (This has been what we have been looking forward to all week.)

 Nate raiding my fridge.  Yes I know the door is a bit disorganized right now.  Don't hate.

 A photo by Tyler.  He said I looked mad.  I  think I look preoccupied.

 Keira being Keira.

She was super cuddly and cute.  I love having a girl.  Can you tell?

My agency contacted me asking me to submit a bathing suit picture for the role of a ring card girl for the new Kevin James film, "Here Comes The Boom."  I was super hesitant, and worried, and totally against submitting anything.  It made me raid my drawers for bathing suits and look at myself and analyze my body in front of a mirror.  Totally normal, and not at all crazy, right? 

Okay, so I am holding my breath posting this, but I thought in the sense of keeping it real, I would go ahead and post it.  It was taken from farther away, and I know it is sort of blurry.  It is motivation for me to kick it up a notch for beach season.

Days 125,126, and 127

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I am going to be honest.  I am working like crazy at the gym to reclaim my body (it is a "need to get back in amazing shape before I turn 30 and my metabolism turns to shit" thing) and I feel like I have killed it this week.
Today I ran for an hour straight.  I am so proud of this accomplishment that I called/texted a few people who know my psychotic workout regime when I was done to share this fact.  I know it is boring to talk about it so much, but I can't help it.  I am working hard, and I am proud at what I was able to push my body to do the past three days.

Monday night Nathan and I stayed up late re-organizing our bedroom/Keira's room.  I was not on board to do it, because I was tired and I knew it was going to be a big project (we didn't finish until after 11) and quite frankly I did not want to find places for things I knew I had no place for.  Five bags of things we threw away, and three bags of things to donate later, it is done, and of course I am happy we did it.

It seems for the first time ever my family is not sick (knock on wood), but everyone else around us is.  A few of the kids had a minor stomach thing earlier in the week, but it was gone in 24 hours, and there was no fever or complaining, just some running to the bathroom.  That may have been due to an excessive amount of apples eaten in a day.  My kids are hyper sensitive to apples.  I know it is weird.

Anyway, we had all these playdates set up for the week and one by one they have been canceled because as I said, everyone around us is sick.  I am waiting for that completely inopportune time for my family to finally catch whatever is going around, but for now, we haven't, and for that I am super thankful.  And the kids have been surprisingly great this week so far, which is making vacation week so much more bearable than normal.

 My snuggle bug for the night, Brody.  He insisted we take pictures together.  I have like 20 on my phone.

The new living room couch.  It feels so grown up and nice.  The kids have been forbidden from it.  I'm joking... sort of.

Days 123 AND 124

This weekend has flown by in the oddest way.  It seemed to drag on and never end, but then suddenly, Sunday night, here you are.  School Vacation week is knocking at the door, and I have my four babies nestled under their blankets on the floor of the playroom/computer room, right under my feet, watching a movie.
Let me also add, they are freshly bathed/showered babies, so they smelled really good.  No stinky heads.  The clean smell was encompassing the room until about ten minutes ago when someone started a farting contest and my gagging and gasps for fresh air made the contest so much more enjoyable for them.

Welcome to my life.

We got a surprise offer of my brother in law's couch which was hardly ever used, so out went our old couch, and in came a nice, pretty, not stained with yogurt, spit up, and no iron burn *yet* new couch.

I've felt kind of out of it this weekend.  I've been running around, but it feels like I have not accomplished nearly as much as I should have.  I don't know how to explain it.

About a week ago, I bought 8 boxes of oatmeal.

Yes, I said eight boxes.


There was this promotion that I heard about from a coupon-ing friend.  Basically, after buying those boxes I was able to score two free lift tickets.  It is a pretty amazing deal considering lift tickets are super expensive.  I received them in the mail Saturday.

 

Then there was this photo taken moments ago.  I was actually trying to capture Keira's profile.  Her hair to be exact.  I put some heavy duty conditioner in her hair tonight and brushed it for a long time.  Her curls were looser for a few brief moments, and I was shocked to see her mullet was growing out far more than I thought.  I was so excited I decided to take a photo, but she kept turning and making this ridiculous face that made me laugh really hard, so naturally she kept doing it, like any smart performer would.  So no hair picture, just this crazy face.

Prayers for survival of school vacation week are greatly appreciated.

Days 119-122

So I feel the level at which I am behind is overwhelming.

There comes a point in which I say "Shit, I am so behind on blogging, but I want to play with the kids, enjoy the sudden warm weather, self tan, hi-light my hair, watch a totally mindless show like The Kardashians..."  Normal stuff, right?

On that note I should tell you that I did watch some Kardashian show, and it is a half hour that I will never get back, BUTT (ha ha) it made me think wearing ten pounds of eye makeup a day is totally fine, that I should dress up every day, that I was too white and my hair needed to look on point (hence the self tanning and new hi-lights) and lastly it made me work my butt (literally) so much at the gym that I am currently standing up to type because my gluteus maximus is so sore.

My week can be summed up with the gym in the morning, various errands and running around afterward, hanging out with friends and their babies, going on a girls night movie date with my best friend, preparing for school vacation week next week, basketball practice, grocery shopping, fishing pasta out of Keira's nose, fishing Mr Potato Head parts out of Keira's nose, trying to convince Brody that his sister's capri tights were not acceptable to wear in public, signing Nate and Ty up for baseball, helping with homework, and the list goes on and on and on.

So here are a few photos to help give you a visual.

 Keira and Nate coloring at school while Brody was with his teacher.

This is when Keira and Brody splattered chocolate all over themselves and my house, and the bathtub cleaning that followed.

Brody with his cute little hair do for the day.

Ty's bloody, fat lip he got at school (he tripped while playing basketball at recess.)

Day 118

Valentine's Day.

Today was also Sharon's birthday.

It was also a day that Nathan came home from work because he was feeling really sick.

Needless to say (but I will say it anyway) it was a very hard day for the family.  One year ago, we were all at Nathan's parents' house to celebrate Sharon's 56th birthday.

Nate woke up and wished me a Happy Valentine's Day, then followed it up with "mommy I am really sad today.  Even sadder than normal because I miss Nana on her birthday."

During our Valentine's dinner (minus sick, sleeping Nathan) after each of us said our best and worst parts of the day, we also said one of our best memories of Sharon/Nana and something we loved about her.

I told Nate the day didn't need to be sad, we could miss her, but we can be grateful for the wonderful memories and times we had with her, and be happy in those memories and in the love she gave us.

It seemed to satisfy him for that moment.

And we made it through the day, Valentine's Day, Sharon's birthday, and I think that was a giant hurdle to clear.

Days 115, 116, and 117

Weekend wrap up.

Okay well first off, I should tell you I have learned not to weigh myself a lot.  It makes me anxious, and once I do, I feel the need to weigh myself all the time, until I cut myself off because I get crazy.  You get the idea.  Viscous cycle kind of thing.

But after a good run last night at the gym I had to pee.  I couldn't hold it until I got home.  So I went to the bathroom.  And there was the scale, staring at me.  Taunting me.

I had weighed myself a week ago, and was not happy, because I was still 7lbs more than my lowest weight last summer.

So I caved and got back on and low and behold, 9lbs gone. Just like that.  I almost peeked my head in and told the person who was taking a shower because I was that excited.  I instead called Nathan, who said "shouldn't you weigh negative fifteen pounds by now, because you always tell me when you lose weight" to which I replied "That's just because I don't tell you when I gain weight back... what fun is that?  You are ruining my celebrating so I'm hanging up."

Then I called my fitness guru skinny friend Kristina to tell her the new workout schedule she has me on is working like a charm.  No more plateauing!

My mom made a calendar for the kids this Christmas.  She outlined the second Saturday of every month, and gave each kid a turn to have a special day with her, one by one.  This month was Nate's turn, and he was picked up Saturday morning, and returned Sunday morning telling me all about ice skating and going out to eat, and going to the movies.  He had a blast.  When my mom brought him back home, Brody was waiting, with his backpack on, a bag full of his pjs, new clothes, and his favorite toys, because he knows his turn is next.  It makes me happy to see how excited the kids get for this special day, and I love that they get to have their own time to shine.

Nathan has been turning his insomnia into hard work.  He finished my kitchen by finally (after almost 3 1/2 yrs) putting the chair rail up in my kitchen and painting the bottom half red.  His brother came over friday night and I made them chicken wings while they re-painted the walls and trim, patched spots that were damaged from when we first moved in, and generally just gave my kitchen a face lift.
It feels wonderful.
It's like getting a major jump start on spring cleaning.

We have already planned the other rooms, and I've said it before, and I'll say it again, throwing things away, and de-cluttering is the most freeing feeling.

The remodeling/repainting has taken up most of the weekend.

Keira has been wearing her "Gabba Gabba" undies during the day, at home for almost a week now.  She's getting mighty good at going potty.  I am hoping by her 2nd bday we'll be saying bye bye to diapers for good.

Day 114

There was a twelve hour space between when I finished last night's workout, and when I entered the gym this morning.

Twelve hours.

Doesn't that just count as working out twice in one day?

I think so.

The rest of the day has been spent trying to get things done, and being constantly derailed from whatever thing I was intending on doing by a precocious little boy and little girl who have just about gotten into everything today.

Let's just say I was two steps behind at all times.

But I am posting early because I am off to spend some much needed time with two of my favorite friends, my "Summer Sisters".

This would be after Keira and Brody stripped down to a random skirt/shorts and were having a spinning party.  Keira also has refused diapers today.

Like REFUSED.

Let's all take a deep breath together,

and now exhale slowly.


Shoot... I just saw a trail of toilet paper fly by... I have to go...

Day 113

There are moments of quiet in my house.  Moments being the key word here.  I have learned not to draw attention to these moments.  I have learned that although I may suddenly realize them, I should do anything but draw attention to them.  I should instead savor them.

Today, while Brody was busy playing with his Transformers, and while Nate was hard at work on his latest Lego model, and while I was sitting at the table, planning meals, Keira climbed up on the table with her princess books, and found herself a reading nook right inside our fruit bowl.  I looked up and just swooned at the view.

I am grateful for quiet moments.

Day 112

I think the bubbles of the day are best shown in photos.

By the way, speaking of photos, I am so glad you are bearing with me through my no camera stage.

Bubble number one:

I want to remember that Keira sleeps like this.  She requires every single one of her blankets and stuffed animals in her crib with her in order to go to sleep at night, yet uses none of the,.  Also see that sad looking dog?  His name is Nappy.  He was my stuffed animal.  My mom got him at her baby shower.  Nappy has slept with each one of my kids.  He's kind of like our "Woody" or "Buzz".

Sorry for the Toy Story reference.   It is all Brody wants to watch, and Woody and Buzz are the only toys he wants to play with. 

Bubble number two:

The best thing I have eaten in a long time.  I had an intense craving for spinach.  I decided to saute it with two eggs and salt and pepper and voila!  I know.  It sounds strange and probably undesirable, but it made me so sublimely happy that I had to share it.

Bubble number three:

An impromptu visit from Auntie Kerrie aka Auntie Kuckie.  I love when she visits, and my kids love her so much.  Win win.

Day 111

 I  spent much of my day coming up with some new things to do.  We played a Dinosaur Train counting game (that is very similar to Chutes and Ladders) and we spent an extra long time playing with Moon Sand and making dinosaur and rock molds with the Moon Sand.

Moon Sand is fun.

Moon Sand is messy.

I tried very hard to balance playing with the kids and cleaning.

I think it is so much harder to keep things in order when we are inside more.  One more reason my bones are aching for warmer weather.

My evening was filled with homework, a report, cooking dinner, bathing my babies, and once Nathan got home high tailing it to the gym for a good run.

It was a full day.

Days 108, 109, and 110.

I am pretty sure I am going to stop attempting to write a post each weekend day, because life just gets too crazy.  This catch up format is becoming the standard, and it may just be here to stay.

This weekend's (which includes Friday this time) bubbles:

• We had a great time hanging out with friends.
• Football.  The most enjoyed part of the superbowl by my kids was the trailers for movies.  Transformers to be specific.
• Basketball.  Ty's team went up against the only undefeated team in their league and WON.  It was a nail-biter, and I won't admit to you that I was screaming while Keira was sleeping in my lap.  Thankfully I was surrounded by parents from football, and they know me and don't judge me.  The game was crazy.  People from the other two gyms were coming in to see the game and you could have closed your eyes and thought you were at a heated rivalry college basketball game by the screams and shouts.  It was that intense.
• Thank goodness I am a girl who likes sports.
• I had some really good workouts this weekend, and man oh man am I sore today.  And I love that feeling.
• My kids are funny.
• The snow has gone from 18 feet to 10 feet, thank you sun for melting some away.

That is really all I have to share.  The bubbles.  It was an overall good weekend.  It has made me look forward to spring like nobody's business!!!!

Day 107

WHAT

A

DAY


My head is spinning thinking about day 106.

It started out okay.  It really did.  It started out with potential.  I knew it was going to be busy, but I thought, "hey, I can manage this"

I was so wrong.

It honestly takes a whole heap of factors to get me as stressed out as I was by the end of the day.  Yesterday ended up being a perfect storm.

The morning was great, relaxing even.  We casually cleaned the house.  I fed the kids.  We had a big audition/on camera interview, so we got ready, and headed into Boston.  Everything went well  (I am not at liberty to say what it was for on here just yet.)

We headed out to run a few errands and then we got stuck in horrendous traffic.  Think, tripled our normal time home traffic.

It screwed me.

Royally.

The rest of the day was a blur of ridiculous odds and circumstances that set me back and made the things I had to do pretty much impossible.  Which is frustrating for me, because I like things to go my way.

The day reared it's ugly head later, and at that point I threw in the towel.

I have learned it is better to just wave the flag sometimes.

Day 106

We're winding up on round two of this storm.  It was a bitch, to put it bluntly.

And it wasn't even the snow totals.  It was the wet, heavy snow that was difficult to move.  It was the ice that made everything slippery and added a hard crust to the top of the snow.

I was outside for over three hours today.  Our snowblower decided it was on strike, so good old fashioned shoveling was all that we could do.  That's all fine and dandy.  I can handle it.  To be honest, I like to zone out and get it done.  I know it's a good workout, and I feel a great sense of accomplishment when it's finished.
This doesn't mean that I am not aching right now, and feel like my arms may just fall off or stop working altogether at any given moment.  I may have nightmares about either of those scenarios tonight.

Here is a quick video to show you just a bit of the yard.  I swear it seems so much more in person.  Like for instance, the path in this video, the outsides of it are up to my waist.

The kids had fun playing in the snow.  Ty, Nate and Brody used one of the massive mounds of snow as a slide and a platform to dive into the snow below.

On the bright side, Keira has been showing interest in using the potty.  (The bathroom, for all you non-kid speaking people.)
I decided, what better time to give it a go then when we are snowed in?  So I whipped out her Yo Gabba Gabba undies and folks, she has been wearing the same pair ALL day long.  She loves running to the potty.  She loves waving bye bye to her pee pee or poo poo (I know too much info, but it's something I'm proud of her for.)  I am going to take it at face value, and not count on it sticking, but by golly if it does, I am having a no more diapers in our house party and you will all be invited.

Seriously.

I'm not joking.

Do you know how much I have invested into the diaper industry over the past ten years?

Never mind, I don't even want to know, because I probably could have bought a vacation home or traveled around the world five times with the money.

Here ends my post for the day.  Do you like my super cool leg warmers?  You're jealous of them huh.  It's okay.  I'll tell you a secret.  I bought them in the kids sections of H&M.  They are off white, knit and warm as warm can be.

What?  It's okay for Keira to wear them, so why can't I?

Day 105

Today I have come to the conclusion that either my back and arms will be insanely thin, toned, and trim, or I will be giving Mr Olympia a run for his money because I will be so jacked.

It could go either way.

If all this shoveling makes me thin, toned and trim, I will pray for snow like this every winter. (I probably won't, but I will consider it, depending on how awesome my back and arms are.)

Also, if one, just one person complains when we have three weeks of 90 degree weather this summer

I

WILL

HUNT

YOU

DOWN.

That is a promise.

(Okay, I probably won't hunt you down, but I may delete you from my facebook friends list.)