Day 44

I am happy to announce the minty green frosting is no longer stuck to my kitchen table!

I did pay dearly for leaving it there, because it became crusted and really set in to the table. It took a good half hour of scrubbing which my already sore arms did not want to do.

But it is done. C'est la vie.

I reflected on my procrastinating spirit again today.

I should begin by telling you I have gained back between 5 and 7 pounds since the end of September. I could blame it on many, many things and circumstances, but what it comes down to is willpower (or a lack thereof) and projecting my emotions onto food and the false comfort i can provide.
Now why can't I tell myself that the handful of m&ms or cheez-its (my forever enemy) won't make me feel better when I am staring at them?

I made the decision to get back into a routine. I needed to get back to basics. When I run and exercise, I feel better. When I feel better, I don't eat. When I exercise, I release the built up stress. Why do I ever make excuses to stop exercising?

I told myself it was too cold for me to bring the kids out. Today I layered them in at least 5 layers a piece (this includes Brody wearing Keira's tights because no matter how many times I tell him that girls' tights are not hockey pants, he refuses to believe me.) and put on my Under Armour pants and jacket and I waited. I waited for someone to call me with a better offer. I waited for Keira or Brody to tell me they didn't feel good. I waited for the school to call me and tell me Nate or Ty needed to be picked up. I waited for Nathan to call me and ask me to bring him the leftovers I packed for him to take for lunch/dinner, but he forgot, like always.

None of those things happened.

So I ran.

I waited until literally the last moment I could, to allow myself enough time (barely) to be home for Nate. I knew it would make me run faster to make it home for him. I knew I would feel better once I did it.

And you know what? It did. The kids were not cold, despite my fears. Brody actually told me he was hot. I was hot too once I got going. I took it easy and only actually ran 3/4 of the three and a half mile run, choosing to walk the rest, but that is okay too. I needed to ease into it again so I don't pay for it tomorrow. The best part? Keira actually took a nap during the run! And here I was worried she was going to be crying because her fingers would turn black from frost bite and fall off.

It is amazing the way the mind can convince one of things.

Or maybe it is just my mind.

Is my brain the only one out there that tries to manipulate me?

I want my children to grow up healthy. I want to set a good example for them on eating, exercise, and habits.

I know this is what has to fuel me when my willpower has reached zero, when the excuses of why tomorrow would be a better day to run than today flood my brain.

Willpower is a funny thing. When it comes down to it, as good as they can be, and sometimes as valid as they can seem, an excuse is just an excuse. This is my life and I want to take control of it.

I am twenty nine years young, and I will soon enter my thirties. I want to do so healthy in mind, body and spirit.