Day 31

Today was a mixed bag. There were so many waves of grief and emotion, and yet so many moments of gratitude and feelings of peace.
It is so difficult for me to comprehend the loss of Sharon. It is hard to believe just a couple of months ago, the family was celebrating Nathan's brother's wedding. There seemed to not be a care in the world then.

In a lot of ways I am glad we did not know about the cancer then. I am glad we had those moments together, to have fun without having a dark cloud over our heads. I am glad things were genuine. It seems cruel to not have ample time to know someone will pass on. It can feel like you were robbed of precious time.

But that was the point of me posting by days, now wasn't it? Because the point is, no one can know. No one foresees the end, really. Sure if there is a terminal illness you may get a ballpark, but I have learned all too well through this experience that those can be gravely wrong.
I have learned that life is just so fragile. That the relationships and bonds we create and harvest are to be cherished and appreciated every day.

There are some relationships that you feel will be there for a long time, that you may not think could be taken away from you. I know Nathan certainly did not think his mother would be taken from him. She was such a pillar character in his family.
I certainly don't expect to lose vital members of my family, or even my children, for that matter. The sad truth is, I just don't know what the days that lie ahead are, and I don't ever want a day to pass where these people don't know how much I love them, how much I care about them, how important they are to me, how much I appreciate them.
And no, it may not always be realistic to say those exact things, but it is not always in your words, but in your actions.

I know, a deeply reflective post huh?

Sharon