The Joys of Motherhood

I would like to say I wake up at a decent time every morning. With the exception of Ty, my kids sleep in pretty late, as far as children go. Nate could sleep until after 10 if we let him and Brody gets up anywhere between 730 and 930 (depending on if his super senses alert him that I am already up... that is when he wakes up around 730.) Ty rises anywhere between 7 and MAYBE 8 on the weekends. He is also old enough to make his own cereal if he's hungry and play quietly until I wake up.
This morning however was really fun. I am being sarcastic. Ty ran into the room around, oh 615ish yelling "mommy, mommy get up... " Me not knowing what was going on, and momentarily thinking I missed my alarm or something, asked what was wrong... I shouldn't have even asked.
"Nate pooped all over the place."
"In his room? Are you kidding me? Is he sick? Where is he?"
"No, in the bathroom, but it's everywhere, all over the floor, all over the toilet, and ALLLLLLLLL over him."

Awesome. I quietly tried to sneak past Brody, and made my way downstairs to the bathroom. There was Nate, naked as can be, toilet paper rolled out all over the place, and as my eyes tried adjusting, I realized the brown spots all over the place were not figments of my imagination, it was poop. Poop, poop, poop. I instantly had a mix of emotions... wanting to throw up, wanting to cry, wanting to laugh at what I would inevitably do without question.
I asked him what happened.
"I don't know, I pooped."
"How did it get everywhere? How is this even possible?"
"ughhhhhh, I don't know."

Now to explain, when I say it didn't seem possible, that is because is was not only covering parts of my bathroom that were not near the toilet, but also parts of his body that should not have been possible . It was gross. It quite literally looked like Nate had half pooped, and decided the rest would be better used in a display of fine art he thought only a mother would appreciate. This I should add is something I would not put past Nate to think of. Visions of the Marquis De Sade is an insanity filled cell with his latest story written in his own feces came to mind. I briefly sucked in my breath and flung the shower curtain open and started the bath.
"Mommy just clean me with toilet paper" Nate offered.
"No, no, you are way past the point of toilet paper. You are taking a bath, you can clean yourself today. I have to clean your lovely mess."
"I love you mommy."
"I love you to Nate."
I then proceeded to whip out my trusty Lysol wipes, that I keep in every room, because I have children who make that a necessity, and scrub. I scrubbed, cleaned, became amazed at places I didn't see at first glance.
Tyler, as he was getting ready for school would periodically pop his head in to laugh at the situation. Poop is funny to kids, I get it. I just don't really find it funny first thing in the morning, or when it's me that has to clean it up.

Sadly this is not the only poop story I have had in the past seven years, and even more so, the majority have to do with Nate. As I have written this though, Brody has gone to the bathroom... I'll let you guess what... and now I must go to deal with more poop. Who wants kids?