Day 51

Oh sweet lord.

It is 11 am, I can not feel my face or thighs, and just spent the past 15 minutes dry heaving.

Welcome to my blog.

One of my most wonderful best friends in this world, Kerrie, who is known as Auntie Kuckie to my children (she is Brody's godmother) and has been like a sister to me since 7th grade, recently quit her job. This makes me happy for two reasons:

1.) I can see her more often.

2.) I can see her more often.


Kerrie is one who knows me in and out, and she is that friend that can make me 13 again. We laugh at silly things, make up random songs, and laugh out how incredibly strange we are.

Kerrie called me this morning and we decided to go for a walk.


We underestimated the ice cold wind, and freezing temperatures (I know, the snow flakes beginning to fall should have been a fair warning) and literally lost the feeling of many body parts along the walk.

Here comes the great part, or not so great if you are eating anything right now, while reading this, or plan on eating anything soon.

Fair warning.

Towards the end of the walk, we noticed apparently Liberty's butt was also frozen. Or the remains of her latest bathroom squat, most certainly were frozen, hanging out of her butt.

I warned you.

This created a problem because we were almost to my car, which meant Liberty had to go in, and her frozen butt poo would get on something, or worse, someone.

Kerrie asked me if I had a napkin.

I could not believe she actually intended on wiping this crud herself. I asked her if that was her intention. She said it was.

I looked in my car, and did not have a napkin, but had a diaper.

I then watched, in horror as Kerrie wiped my dog's butt.

With a diaper.

I couldn't stop the gagging that came next.

Me, not her.

I moved to the side of the road, hunched over dry heaving for what seemed like forever.

But here's the silver lining, I decided today, everyone should have a friend that is willing to wipe their dog's butt, even if it is covered in frozen poo.

I realize it is very early for my daily post, but I am pretty sure nothing more exciting than that will happen today.

I love you Kerrie.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Honestly, I shouldn't complain. I am trying my damnedest not to, really I am. I would love to tell you about Nate's emotional preschool graduation (and I will, soon, I promise.) I would love to tell you about how proud I am of myself for finally running every day, in the heat, and pushing through, even when my lungs burned. (Okay, I guess I just kind of did that.)
I would love to tell you about how baseball season is ending, or our summer plans. I would love to tell you about some of the wedding inspiration ideas (okay here's one, it's the place card idea I fell in love with.)
But not right now. Right now all I really want to tell you is that if my son sticks his hand down his pants one more time only to pull it out covered in his poop, and then say "Mama look, I poop!" I may cry. In fact when he did that today, smack dab in the middle of me preparing our traditional Friday night pizzas, hands covered in flour and cheese, and stickiness, I let out a whimper... or two... or three, because today was one of those days. And I frantically said
" don't touch anything!
I have to wash my hands!
Are you touching anything?
Never mind just stand next to me so I know you can't touch anything.
NOOOO! Not hold on to my leg!
You touched meeeeee!!!!"

Yes, that is what I want to tell you about today. Poop. And the little one who loves to stick his hands in it.
That and one of my other children just said to me (because I told him it was time to clean up his toys) that he wished he was a bee, because then he'd sting me. How dare I ask him to pick up after himself.

Ah hem, Your Attention Please

Internet, at 2:30pm EST WE HAD POOP!!! Keira FINALLY, after two weeks of torture, had NORMAL poop! (I restrained myself from taking a picture and showing it to you all, be happy.) Who's throwing a party? This girl deserves presents!

Knock on Wood

Ok internet, as soon as you read this email you are required to knock on wood so we won't be jinxed here. WE HAD A GOOD NIGHT. (Despite a 3:45am wake up call of Brody puking in our bed, and requiring a bath... the up chucking is due to bad coughing fits, we think, and as I write this I am thinking to myself, my idea of a good night is very warped.) Keira has not had diarrhea since yesterday after noon. Yes, I am now one of those moms that talks about her children's poop. Check out my last few posts. Poop, poop and more poop. In fact if you put 20 different dirty, poop filled diapers in front of me, I don't think I'd even cringe. I think I could pick my kid's poop out of the line up in 3.7 seconds. Yes, I am THAT in tune with their poop. Smells, textures, colors, I know it all, and I am not afraid to admit it!
Back to Keira's lack of poop, well we figure that is a HUGE start. Our new motto is not having diarrhea is better than having it at all! However this has so far meant nothing, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her little body is again binding itself and soon my posts will read, "Internet, we have normal poop!" and then we can all celebrate together. Let's spread the joy around, think of it as a conversation piece... "Did you hear Keira finally had normal poop?"
Keira had her nine month check up today, and we of course followed up on the bastard RSV. Her lungs sounded clear, with just residual upper respiratory junk lingering. Hallelujah!
She measured in at 27 1/.2" (No she did not grow an inch since the hospital... or maybe she did, but we're guessing they just measured wrong.) This was right at the 50th percentile. She weighed in at a whopping (not really) 16lbs 3 oz. (Hanging between the 5th and 10th percentiles.)
Here is the part where I sound pathetic, when my dear friend Dr Hoder told me I had to make her next appointment, I got upset because I realized that not only was this appointment her 12 month aka ONE YEAR appointment, but that it was only THREE months away. Hello?! Readers, WHY did no one prepare me for this? After her appointment I promptly called my mother and whined about this horrifying realization.
In other news I began the process of coloring my hair today. I was reminded by Auntie Kuckie (Kerrie's new name via Brody) that August was the last time I have done anything to my hair. If I admitted the last time I got a pedicure (before Keira was born) never mind a manicure (we're talking years) I'd be really giving you a good vision of where I stand looks wise.
Oh Internet, I must cut this short... we have poop (but I don't think it's the kind to make headlines just yet...

Virus-Gate 2010

This morning Keira ran a fever again, and had a very difficult morning. After speaking with her doctor, he decided she should be seen again. Her lungs sounded better, still coarse though. His concern was the fever and constant diarrhea she has had since the first. He decided to order stool samples and I am on a strict diet to help her (because I am still breastfeeding.) My question was how do you collect a stool sample from a diaper when it's all liquid (and diapers absorb liquid.) n I have to line her diaper with plastic wrap and I have a handy scooper (I can probably just pour most of it in the vile though.) Gross. I have so much more respect for lab techs who have to deal with all kinds of poop on a daily basis.

Overheard

I have to document this, because I am laughing really hard.
Nathan is currently saying "Why did you stick your fingers in poop?"
"Is this more poop?"
"How much poop is there?"
"You don't touch poop, that's gross, you need to wash your hands, I hope you already washed your hands."


Ah, it's the little moments that you have to find joy in, or else you may go insane.

Day 5 1/2

~Poop. My life revolves around poop.
~I am so grateful for understanding, generous friends. THANK YOU.
~Adult interaction, even if it consists of talking about babies and kids, is a relief.
~Despite feeling more awake today than any other thus far, I am now at 3pm, ready for bed. Can someone please explain this to the sun and moon, and my kids?
~I want to enjoy the sun.

Day 4 1/2

I have made it to Day 4 1/2. Let's all take a moment to pause and reflect on what a miracle that is. Here are a few thoughts at the moment:
*I officially look like I got a boob job overnight. Ding, ding, ding Keira! Your food is ready!
*I decided yesterday that one of my children will probably lose an eye or limb in the next 5 years.
*Having 4 kids is a million times harder than 3.
*I am jealous of anyone with just one baby at home.
*I never want to hear another person tell me they are tired. I'm not saying you aren't tired, but I will just be bitter towards you because I think tired is a sever understatement in my case.
*I have had 7 hours of sleep in the past 4 1/2 days. This includes naps. I think it is possible for me to sleep with my eyes open at this point, and may be doing that now.
*I am not too proud to take hand outs. Anything you want to do to take away something I would have had to do is welcome. Go shopping for me. Bring me food. Take my boys. Clean my house. I will not refuse it. In fact I may love you forever, and will surely not forget it.
*Baseball season starts for Ty on Saturday. OH. MY. GOD. How is that going to work?
*Bribery is everything.
*I see, touch, clean, smell poop or find it on me way too much in one day.
*On that note, at any given moment I have at least 5 bodily fluids, none of which are mine (ok, well as of today milk is mine) on my shirt. Oh look mommy put a new shirt on!!! Let's throw up/wipe our nose/ throw food/spit up/spit on/wipe mysterious substances on her!
*I am considering just doing a video blog because I can't seem to spell any word correctly because I am too tired to see the keyboard. Even spell check can't figure out what I was attempting to write at times.

The Joys of Motherhood

I would like to say I wake up at a decent time every morning. With the exception of Ty, my kids sleep in pretty late, as far as children go. Nate could sleep until after 10 if we let him and Brody gets up anywhere between 730 and 930 (depending on if his super senses alert him that I am already up... that is when he wakes up around 730.) Ty rises anywhere between 7 and MAYBE 8 on the weekends. He is also old enough to make his own cereal if he's hungry and play quietly until I wake up.
This morning however was really fun. I am being sarcastic. Ty ran into the room around, oh 615ish yelling "mommy, mommy get up... " Me not knowing what was going on, and momentarily thinking I missed my alarm or something, asked what was wrong... I shouldn't have even asked.
"Nate pooped all over the place."
"In his room? Are you kidding me? Is he sick? Where is he?"
"No, in the bathroom, but it's everywhere, all over the floor, all over the toilet, and ALLLLLLLLL over him."

Awesome. I quietly tried to sneak past Brody, and made my way downstairs to the bathroom. There was Nate, naked as can be, toilet paper rolled out all over the place, and as my eyes tried adjusting, I realized the brown spots all over the place were not figments of my imagination, it was poop. Poop, poop, poop. I instantly had a mix of emotions... wanting to throw up, wanting to cry, wanting to laugh at what I would inevitably do without question.
I asked him what happened.
"I don't know, I pooped."
"How did it get everywhere? How is this even possible?"
"ughhhhhh, I don't know."

Now to explain, when I say it didn't seem possible, that is because is was not only covering parts of my bathroom that were not near the toilet, but also parts of his body that should not have been possible . It was gross. It quite literally looked like Nate had half pooped, and decided the rest would be better used in a display of fine art he thought only a mother would appreciate. This I should add is something I would not put past Nate to think of. Visions of the Marquis De Sade is an insanity filled cell with his latest story written in his own feces came to mind. I briefly sucked in my breath and flung the shower curtain open and started the bath.
"Mommy just clean me with toilet paper" Nate offered.
"No, no, you are way past the point of toilet paper. You are taking a bath, you can clean yourself today. I have to clean your lovely mess."
"I love you mommy."
"I love you to Nate."
I then proceeded to whip out my trusty Lysol wipes, that I keep in every room, because I have children who make that a necessity, and scrub. I scrubbed, cleaned, became amazed at places I didn't see at first glance.
Tyler, as he was getting ready for school would periodically pop his head in to laugh at the situation. Poop is funny to kids, I get it. I just don't really find it funny first thing in the morning, or when it's me that has to clean it up.

Sadly this is not the only poop story I have had in the past seven years, and even more so, the majority have to do with Nate. As I have written this though, Brody has gone to the bathroom... I'll let you guess what... and now I must go to deal with more poop. Who wants kids?